#empathizing

Some Ericka + Moon fun! While I agree with alot of @lovelylivelyv 's sentiment on Moon's character being handled badly, I can't really hate Moon. She had the potential to be a good character, she was just poorly handled. Alot of this came out of that since Ericka was in a similar situation once and prefers to teach others and convince them to do better than fight them.

That is, if she thinks they'll listen.

1. Despite Ericka's issues with the Magic High Commission (...Mostly Rhombulus and Heckapoo) and Mina, I think Ericka woukdn'r have a problem with Moon. Moon's alot more reachable than the others and I think Ericka'd ultimately empathize. After all, she was in a similar situation. The only problem (Besides the Star and Eclipsa-like clash between Ericka's more bouncy, crazy, free-spirited and optimistic nature and skewed morals and Moon's much more uptight, reserved, and straight-laced one) is Ericka DOES agree that working with Mina behind Star and Eclipsa's back was a stupid thing to do and a breach of trust. Even if she doesn't judge all that harshly for it. ("I mean, not only did I date a guy while trying to kill him, I ran a whole monster cruise death trap and knowingly helped my Great-Grandfather retrieve a magical weapon of mass destruction. I am the LAST one who should be judging here.")

2. Here's an idea I've had for a while: I feel like Ericka and Moon have completely different reactions when it comes to seeing what the other side thinks of them. While Moon takes things seriously and personally, getting offended and trying to correct with her OWN misconceptions, Ericka ENJOYS any opportunity to see things from the other side after a lifetime of only learning from Great-Grandfather and finds the fact monsters had silly misconceptions of their own about humans funny and almost adorable compared to her own. She forgives and forgets far more easily than Moon and can even laugh at the monsters' dark humor and join in with her own jokes about the past...something that drives the much more uptight, serious ex-Queen up the wall.

It's fun playing with the clashes between these two. While Ericka's willing to easily forgive Moon for her mistakes and past views of monsters since she sees hope for Moon to do better, she can't help but enjoy how easy it is to play with the much more straight-laced women's head a little. Even with their difference in rank and power. Perhaps it's Ericka's way of trying to get her to lighten up, her seeing some of her old self, Great-Grandfather, or even Drac in the other woman, or it's merely Ericka's mischievious "I will cause problems on purpose" side coming out. Who can say?

And Moon, while she can't help but like the charming, friendly woman that oddly reminds her of her own daughter (they even relate to eachother on many things, including parenthood, being one of the leaders of their community, and having been an accomplice to Genocide once); she finds her VERY odd and at times talking to her is like dealing with Eclipsa, Mina, and Star all at once...with the challenge of Ericka KNOWS full well what she does drives Moon nuts and enjoys it immensely.

Basically, Ericka enjoys bending or breaking MANY of the rules Moon has spent her whole life upholding. She lives by her OWN rules, and it causes clashes between the two.

Bonus that didn't make it due to space:

Moon: You...What do you MEAN you find all this... FUNNY?

Ericka: Mmmm, Sounds like SOMEONE still has hate they haven't let go of yet. Not to mention some control issues. C'mon, Moon. Even YOU have to admit the irony of them being just as scared of us as we are of them is atleast a LITTLE BIT funny!

Note: Yes, Ericka copying Drac's "When will you Van Helsings learn to let go of the hate?" Pose and phrase was 100% intentional.

I strongly associate these 2 with "What I know Now" from Beetlejuice since Ericka not only had been an accomplice to Monster Genocide who learned she was wrong about Monsters and made a heel-face turn (but betrayed someone she loved in the process and nearly ended up dead because of it,) but she grew up trying to live up to the rigid, serious rules and expectations of being a Van Helsing and ultimately rejected them in favor of making her own future. So "If I knew then what I know now" is both her trying to tell Moon what she learned about Monsters and taking rules and life seriously.

I realize it’s not always fair to expect the response I want in the moment I want it.  Not everyone has dealt with trauma.  Not everyone is built to deal with trauma in others.  With that in mind, I thought I might pass on a couple hints for you guys.  If someone comes to you hurting...

Acknowledge:

I see you/your feelings

Your feelings are valid/I understand/You’re not crazy for that feeling

Thank you for sharing something so personal

Relate

I have felt something similar- expand or not.  I know this sometimes feels like one-upping the other person.  But, think of where it’s coming from inside you.  Are you saying their pain is less than yours?  No?  It probably isn’t coming across that way.  We’re a social species and we relate our stories to each other. Related pain is understood pain.  Understood pain can heal.  It means we aren’t alone.

If nothing similar has happened to you, maybe you have a friend or family member who has gone through something similar and you can share (without naming them!) how they dealt with it or how you helped them through it or what it meant for them.

If it is completely beyond the realm of your understanding, say so.  Maybe ask gentle questions to get a better understanding.  “I can’t imagine what you’re going through, would you like to tell me more about it?”

 Ask

What do you need?  Maybe the person just needs to vent.  Maybe they need to find some help.  

Offer what you have: a hug, a listening ear, a distraction, suggestions for other people to talk to.

Realize that they might not be looking for big solutions right now and may just need someone to listen.  You can’t force solutions on someone who doesn’t want them.  It can be frustrating, but try not to throw that back at them.

You probably aren’t all the help they need and you are allowed to acknowledge that.  Protect your own boundaries as needed. There is a difference between someone sharing pain and someone using you as their personal therapist.  You are not required to be that for anyone if it’s hurting you.

Check In Later

It’s hard enough to bring something up once, odds are it’ll be just as hard to bring it up again.  Maybe check in a few days later.  You don’t have to bring it all back up.  Just a quick: Hey, you told me were struggling and I just want you to know I’m still thinking of you.  It might have been a bad day or it might be something they’re relieved to know they aren’t carrying daily, unnoticed.

Think logically compassionate.

Someone has a cut? 

That must have hurt. You’ve gotten cuts before, and even if they didn’t sting so bad you know for a fact that others may have different pain tolerances and must react accordingly to their needs. You might think they’re over reacting, but that won’t help the circumstances and you just want to get this ordeal over as soon as possible, so offering a bandage and some medicine will easily create a high-profit low-cost situation (increase in friendship, raise their mood, end the crying/bleeding/complaining vs possible stagnation in friendship leading to a negative interpretation of you, lowering their mood, and prolonging the crying/bleeding/complaining.)

Someone lost someone they loved or something majorly awful happened?

That’s going to change their life in a drastic way. What was it like the last time you had something shift unexpectedly for the negative? They must be feeling similarly. Even if it turned out okay for you, remember what you wished others had done for you back then and try to offer it to others. It’s incredibly easy to think ahead and how individuals will heal eventually, but people live in the moment and right now they just need an ear and a shoulder.

Someone has had a serious event you cannot directly relate to?

Well, people express negative reactions to these things. Google up people looking for comfort/companionship going through similar things, and learn to mimic how others are comforting them. Try to make a meter-stick measurement for emotion to figure out how to properly assist them. If they were in a car crash, think of that time you wrecked your bike and thought you broke your leg but just tore up your tire--but like a lot worse and someone may have actually been injured and far more expensive.

Someone had a serious event you personally do not feel is serious but they keep emphasizing it’s importance to them?

Remember, your friendship is more valuable then your momentary comfort. It may annoy you to show compassion during this time, and it may be draining (especially if you weren’t emotionally-invested in the person to begin with), but it will pass and you will have a better friendship because of this (as well as make them happier, which may be another profit) 

It can be painfully easy to accidentally hurt your friends when you have either a lack of or just low-empathy. Instead of feeling remorse, you can also more often feel regret because of the consequences or the new reflection of your character that you interpret as negative. Know that these forms of regret are good enough to count as remorse, as they help you learn from your mistakes. Do know that there’s ways you can continue to be a good friend to people you enjoy, as well as you don’t need empathy or remorse to be a good person.

Sagittarius - Aquarius

Virgo - Libra

Gemini - Cancer

Aries - Taurus

Pisces - Leo