#understanding differences

There is a whole array of colors in-between and colors outside that we may not see or know of.

You’ve said it a hundred times. Somehow, it feels like you’re speaking into the void. Every conversation seems like a broken record. You lay it out as clear as day, yet they still don't get it. You’re tired of explaining—tired of repeating yourself when all you’re trying to do is communicate better with your partner. It’s frustrating, and, honestly, it stings. Maybe you’ve caught yourself thinking, “Why do I have to spell it out again?” Shouldn’t they understand by now? That’s not too much to ask, right? You’re not crazy for wanting to feel heard. For many couples, especially those in cross-cultural relationships, this struggle can feel even more pronounced. But it doesn’t have to stay this way. There is a way to bridge that gap so you can finally feel like you’re speaking the same language, even if you come from different worlds. Let’s dive into how you can make that happen—without the endless explanations. Step 1: How Cultural Differences Impact Communication with Your Partner Cultural differences shape how we communicate, and that’s no small thing. What might seem like a simple conversation can quickly turn into a minefield of misunderstandings. Dr. Noah Kass, LCSW, a psychotherapist in Brooklyn, NY, told The Love Central that we tend to think our way of communicating is 'more right' than others, and this bias magnifies miscommunication. Learning from each other’s cultures to build deeper understanding. Photo by Thinkstock on Freeimages.com In many African cultures, like Nigeria, people avoid saying “no” directly. They use softer phrases to show respect. In contrast, Western cultures often value directness. Phrases like “I don’t agree” are seen as honest communication. This difference in communication styles can cause confusion. One partner may expect diplomacy, while the other expects bluntness. What feels like honesty to you could seem like aggression to them. To tackle this, spend time discussing how your cultural backgrounds influence your communication. Maybe you grew up in a household where emotions were openly discussed, while your partner’s family preferred to keep things private. Share specific examples from your conversations. Understanding each other's backgrounds helps bridge the communication gap. Pro Tip: Use resources like The Culture Map by Erin Meyer to explore these differences more deeply. Recognising these cultural differences is essential to how to communicate better with your partner, Key cultural differences to discuss: How emotions are expressed Preferred communication styles (direct vs. indirect) Family background and how conflicts are resolved Step 2: Relationship Communication Tips for Overcoming Misunderstandings Every couple has pain points, but dealing with cross-cultural misunderstandings can feel especially painful. Pamela Garber, LMHC, a therapist specialising in relationship issues, points out that not all conflicts are cultural. Some come from personality differences or career choices. However, recognising when cultural differences matter can save you both a lot of frustration. Navigating misunderstandings and frustrations in relationships. Photo by BananaStock on Freeimages.com Start by listing moments when things went wrong. Maybe it was the time your partner didn’t respond, and you thought they weren’t listening. Or perhaps they felt criticised when you were just being direct. Take a step back and look at these instances from both perspectives. One couple Dr. Kass worked with faced this exact challenge. The husband grew up in New York and valued direct communication. His wife, raised in Japan, believed in avoiding confrontation to maintain balance. They solved it by discussing how their cultural norms shaped their reactions. This example shows couples can combine different cultural ways of communicating to build a peaceful family life. The key isn’t just hearing the message; it’s feeling it. Quick tip: Paraphrase before responding. Before you reply, paraphrase what your partner just said to ensure you’re on the same page.

For example: Partner A: “I don’t like how you handled that.” Partner B: “So, you’re upset because you felt ignored when I made that decision?” This simple step reduces miscommunication and shows your partner you’re genuinely trying to understand. Try this: Paraphrase during everyday conversations. Start with one meal a day where you both agree to paraphrase before responding. Step 3: Practice Active Listening for Better Connection When you feel unheard, it’s easy to disconnect. Active listening can change that. It’s not just about being quiet while the other person talks, but about fully engaging and understanding what they’re saying. Garber recommends using mindfulness techniques to improve your ability to stay present. Apps like Reflectly can help with this. By staying fully in the moment, you show your partner you’re genuinely invested in their thoughts and feelings. Practice tips: Make eye contact while they speak. Avoid interrupting or planning your response while they talk. Nod or respond with small acknowledgements to show you’re following along. Step 4: Speak Each Other’s Love Languages Cultural differences don't just affect how we talk; they also shape how we show love. If you’re constantly asking for affection and feel ignored, it might be because you and your partner speak different love languages. Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages theory explains that everyone has a preferred way of giving and receiving love. These include acts of service, physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, and gifts. These preferences can also be shaped by culture. In some cultures, like Japan, physical affection isn’t the norm. In contrast, in countries such as Italy and Brazil, it’s a daily practice. This illustrates how attitudes toward physical touch can vary widely across different societies. Take the 5 Love Languages quiz with your partner. Understanding your love languages can transform your relationship. Maybe your love language is words of affirmation, but your partner’s is acts of service. You’ll stop feeling neglected because you’ll understand they’re showing love in their own way. Dr. Kass emphasises that emotions are universally relatable. Even if your partner’s way of showing love feels foreign, the feeling behind it is something you can connect with. Try this: Practice each other’s love language daily for a week. It doesn’t have to be grand gestures. Small, intentional efforts go a long way. Step 5: Conflict Resolution Tips for Communicating Better with Your Partner When arguments keep circling back to the same issue, it’s not just frustrating—it’s exhausting. Repeating yourself without being understood can make you feel disconnected from your partner. This is where a structured conflict resolution system comes in. Garber suggests setting aside time each week for “full disclosure.” This allows you to share what’s on your mind without pressure for an immediate resolution. It’s a safe space to express feelings and concerns without risking them being swept under the rug. Develop a “Conflict Resolution Agreement” that includes: Taking turns speaking without interruptions. Paraphrasing each other’s points. If emotions get heated, take a 15-minute break to cool down. Pro Tip: Incorporate cultural elements into your resolution system. For example, the African idea of Ubuntu highlights empathy and respect. This can guide you in hard conversations. The Japanese concept of Wa focuses on maintaining harmony. Understanding these cultural perspectives in conflict resolution is essential for how to communicate better with your partner Final Step: Celebrate Communication Wins! Reaching new heights together by overcoming communication challenges. Photo by BananaStock on Freeimages.com It’s easy to focus on what’s going wrong, but celebrating what’s going right is just as important. At the end of each month, reflect on your progress. Think about moments when your partner truly understood you without the need for repetition.

The love language that works best for you will not work for everyone. You need to be aware not only of a person's most effective love language but also of the least effective.

God’s command to love others as you love yourself (see Leviticus 19:34) doesn’t mean to love them the way you want to be loved. The love language that works best for you will not work for everyone. You need to be aware not only of a person’s most effective love language but also of the least effective. If a person’s least important language of appreciation is words of affirmation, no matter how…