#drunk lance

Lance: No

Pidge: Are you lying to me?

Lance: Yes

Pidge: I can't believe this

Lance: I can't believe how beautiful your eyes are

Lance: Hhhhhuuuunnkkkk!

Hunk: What Buddy?

Lance: I’m smashed, hammered, plastered, DRUNK!

Hunk: I noticed.

Lance: My face is numb, is it still pretty?

Hunk: Very pretty.

Lance: Hink!? Are you drunk!!!

Hunk: Maybe?

Lance: Whose taking care of our drunk asses?!

Pidge: Alright, Bitches move your drunken selves! I am your designated driver for the evening!

Lance: Oww! Pidge you are like powerful right now. I’m like super freaked out and turned on at the same time.

Hunk: Stop hitting on our buddy the DD. She is the way home!

Lance: Dude! You are very drunk!

Pidge: This job should really pay more. If you puke in my car you pay for the cleaning!

Lance: The mighty voice speaks!

Hunk: Obey wayward son!

Lance: Carry on my wayward son!

Pidge: Shut the fuck up or I’m calling Shiro!

Based off the song Out Tonight from RENT so this has been lurking in my drafts for a while, and i’ve finally decided to post it lmao

TRIGGER WARNINGS: mentions of self-harm

When Keith walked into the observation deck unable to fall asleep; he wasn’t expecting this.

“Lance?”

Said boy swivelled around, a goofy, lopsided grin gracing his features. “Keef! My man!” He hiccuped, wobbling his way towards the other Paladin. “Wassup?” Keith eyed the bottle in Lance’s hand, flicking back up to the boy who had since slung an arm around Keith’s shoulder. “What are you doing?”

“Loosen up man!” Okay, Lance may be a goofball, but not to this extent. “Have a drink!” He offered the bottle, Keith scrutinising the label written in Altean.

“What is this? Where did you find it?”

“I... Don’t know! It tastes gross but after a while it doesn’t matter! I mean, I feel great!” He cheered, snatching the bottle back and taking a long swig.

It dawned on Keith that it was not simple juice or water. Keith was no genius, but Lance was acting drunk, so whatever was in there had some sort of alcoholic substance or properties.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17991860

“Hey”

The bottle slipped through Keith’s fingers hitting the bar with a loud clink.

Lance leaned over smiling that smile at him again, “Can I get a Cosmo?”

“Sure.” Keith reached for a martini glass knocking another one over. Thankfully nothing broke. Tossing the glass in the dirty bin he grabbed another.

Lance watched with a raised brow as Keith fumbled with the bottles trying to pour everything into a shaker. He wasn’t even trying to flip them or do any fancy moves and still he almost dropped the shaker.

Finally he gets the drink made. Almost took a chunk out of his finger trying to shave the orange rind for the garnish but it was done. He took Lance’s payment and just when he thought he was in the clear he out of habit picked up a long-handled spoon twirling it between his fingers.

Lance gave one last smile, “Thanks.”

Keith smacked himself in the face with the spoon. Fuck…

Keith had been one of those guys in life to charge first and ask questions later. So standing in the heat of battle he always just did whatever he felt was easiest, the naturalist most basic thing he had to get him and everyone else out alive.

When Lance was with him that idea was shot. Lance liked it planned he liked it to have a start begining and end he could follow almost like a play book. He wanted things to have a basic direction he could fall back on if he had to charge in and play the hero card.

Keith knew they were like oil and water sometimes. He felt the radiating annoyance and frustration from the other side of the room. But this is what Keith didn’t understand:

He had spent so much time just looking at Lance. He knew that the color of his eyes was like this mix between ice and sea blue that he wanted to bottle so he could paint it to show the other just how stunning it was. He knew the slope from his nose to his lip was plain instead of angular. He knew the number of freckles on his left cheek and the right. He knew how soft and pink Lances lips were because he had a little tube of Carmex that just seemed to go on forever.

He knew the shape of his shoulders and how they his body was built. Keith knew Lance had a treasure trail and a v in his hips and that he showered two times a day. He knew what kind of shampoo the guy used. He knew that he sang in Spanish in the showers and English with Hunk.

Yet Keith had never once. Never once looked at Lance and thought of him as anything as less then stunning. He’d never said anything either. He’d actually done the opposite. He’d called Lance on every cheap shot on every win everything he could ever have done right and wrong and slammed him for it. It was joking of course... Lance always hit him back but Keith knew. Knew he was hiding.

So tonight watching Lance as he is holding one of the most dangerously Handsome men Keith has ever seen in his arms at some ball on planet earth to welcome them home and celebrate. Keith feels this low twist in his gut that he knows isn’t anger and it isn’t hate but it’s something deeper and he’s afraid of it. Because Lance is essentially the Mr. Perfect.

So he stands on the wall his eyes on Lance and Kincaid trying not to think of a way to get the fighter pilot away from Lance. And Keith’s only good reason is this, Lance’s god damned smile.

It’s one of the smiles that Lance uses when he’s the most relaxed. It’s full and calming and so breathtaking.

***

After a while of watching Lance Keith’s heart hurts. His fingers stop feeling so hard and he sighs softly turning to leave after seeing one drunken stumble almost kiss to many.

But a voice stops him,” Keith wait.”

It’s not Lance but Kincaid. Kincaid is holding Lance up by the his shoulders one arm around the waist,” C-can you take him?” He asks and his voice is soft almost scared,” I couldn’t convince him it wasn't a contest.” 

“ I aM aWinNnER” Lance says joining the conversation and his eyes look to Kincaid for confirmation

And Keith is a sucker because it’s Lance except he’s just gooey. “ Come on Buddy let’s get you to bed.” Keith says stepping up beside Kincaid and taking Lance from him. Keith takes lance’s waist and squeezes making him shift his weight over to Keith. Lance isn’t heavy, he is just soft and pliant against Keith,” Think you can walk?” 

“Where going mullert?” Lance asks like it’s the funniest question on the planet. 

“To Bed. You Drunk.” Keith is trying not to smile because it is a little funny. Lance is loud and preposterous but this is different,” How many did you have?” 

“forve.” Lance giggles 

“Forve?” Keith is smiling,” so your a light weight then?” 

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. KIF. NO.” 

“Kif?” Keith is trying to contain a laugh now, and he looks at the hall trying to remember which room is Lance’s. “Hey Lance... Which one is yours?” Keith asks and Lance stand up and looks at the doors puzzled and then at Keith panicked. 

“Kif. I’m Lost.” 

“Lance your not Lost.” 

“Kif I am lost. “ Lance starts to sniffle and little tears build in his eyes. 

“Jesus Lance don’t cry okay. Your not lost Okay? I’m here....Let’s just go to my room okay?” Keith groans and grabs Lance’s hand taking him down the hall a little ways and too his room where he pulls Lance inside. 

Kosmo is spread out on a bed on the floor his legs in the air sleeping and Keith watches his eyes open and then close again. Lance stumbles forward and toward Kosmo ,” KO-FLOOF.”  he reaches his arms out to touch him. 

“LANCE NO.” Keith reaches out to warn him but Kosmo has already blipped out of the room and Lance lands face first in his bed,” He doesn’t like to be touched in his sleep...” 

Lance says something but it’s muffled by kosmo’s bed and Keith rolls his eyes to go forward and roll Lance over. 

“What was that?” 

“Kif?” 

“Yes Lance?” 

“Ko-Floof left.” 

“I know Lance.” 

“Kif?” 

“Yes Lance?” 

“Are you mad at me?” Lance’s eyes are clear and for a minute Keith has to really think about if he’s drunk or not, but he knows he is. For some reason that gives him the courage to be honest with his answers. 

“No. It’s hard for me to ever be really mad at you.” 

Lance sits blinking and then he looks at the clothes he’s wearing and the clothes Keith’s wearing and he touches Keith’s jacket,” Kif needs to wear the sexy goth sex suit all time.” 

“The what?” Keith’s ears turn pink and he looks at Lance his head tilted sideways. 

“Sexy.Goth.Sex .Suit.” Lance repeats each word and smiles like hes proud of himself. 

“Lance needs to not be so drunk.” Keith responds softly groaning. He pulls Lance to his feet and then he’s digging through his drawers and pulling out a pair of sweats and a hoodie for Lance. When he turns around Lance is trying to undo buttons while he sways but he’s stuck and he’s making Keith’s favorite frustrated face. The one where his eyebrows fold at the middle and he sticks his tongue out a little and his nose scrunches up like a bunny. “What are you doing?” 

“Kif the buttons are mean.”

“I can see that.” Keith chuckles and steps forward. His fingers gently replace Lance’s undoing the buttons slowly. Lance watches swaying slightly biting his fingers,” You shouldn't do that you know.”  Keith pulls the button up off Lance’s shoulders and Lance looks at him pulling his fingers away from his mouth to let the shirt fall away,”Arms up.” Keith’s voice is soft command and Lance follows it, Keith smiles and puts the hoodie around Lance’s head and feeds his arms carefully through the sleeves. He is gentle every touch he places is savored and stored away for him to remember later. He meets Lance’s eyes as he pulls the hoodie down over Lance’s stomach. “Better?” 

Lance nods. Keith Smiles and looks at the dress pants and then Lance’s feet.

“Where are your shoes?” 

“Gone.” 

“Shoes don’t just disappear Lance.” 

“Magic Kif. Magic.” Lance giggles wiggling his toes and Keith shakes his head. 

“Alright, Think you can handle the Pants or do you need help?” 

“ I can do it.” Lance says confident taking the soft pants he struggles for a minute looking at the button and then he attempts it once and then twice.  Keith  chuckles and then he reaches forward and undoes the button for Lance unable to watch him struggle. 

“Thank you KIf.” Lance mumbles and he lets his pants drop and steps out of them . He struggles for a minute to get the other pants ready but when Keith tries to help he yanks them back.” NO Kif, I can do my own PANTALONES.” 

Keith holds up his hands and steps back and lets him finish it takes him a bit of stumbling but he finally gets them on and Keith sighs with relief because he can guide Lance to his bed and lay him down. 

Once laying down Lance grabs the purple hippo Keith’s mom managed to find in a gift shop and hug it close to him. He lays down next to Lance all the lights turned off. 

“Kif?”

“Yes Lance?” 

“Do you hate me?” 

Keith looks at Lance confused. Part of him dies a little at the very thought of the question. The other part of him understands it. “I’ve never hated you Lance...” Keith reaches gently over to touch the red paladins face because all of a sudden he feels like theres no reason he should be hiding. Lance might not remember anyway so what does he have to lose? “ I love you, every little bit of you. I know how you feel about rain and donuts, that you sing in english while you cook but Spanish while you shower. That when your in red you sing this stupid song about flying in the red lion...You like planning out your missions and random shenanigans that Pidge and Hunk come up with. You have these beautiful eyes that...I get lost in all the time... Sometimes I think about kis-” But Keith doesn’t finish his sentence because he see’s that Lance’s eyes have closed and he smiles,” This is the thing about loving you. Your always worth it.” 

Keith: How many of those have you had?

Lance: I’ve had two small glasses . why?

Keith: Lance! Only prostitutes have two glasses of wine at lunch.

I love the idea of Lance biting his bottom lip~ and I got my 2000 followers! Thanks guys!!