#drdelilah

I remember hitting the end of my twenties and realizing that I would never be discovered. It was a dream of celebrity that I didn’t even realize I had.

I suppose a part of me created alertD8 to become famous. At least my avatar, anyways. She’s 

What’s your arch-type?

Do you have some internal work to do?

P.S. I dare you to categorize the next three people that you meet. Look for one arch-typical avatar chat partner on on alterD8.  Connect with your favourite arch-types within minutes of signing up.

Dr. Delilah

What are some of the best ways to break up online?

While it’s tempting, and easier, to send a message for your partner to uncover later, that’s just not respectful.

Just like breaking up in person, there is some etiquette involved in online break-ups. Here are some of the steps that I followed.

Be considerate. I truly respected my virtual relationship. It really fulfilled a need in my life. I kept my partner’s feelings top of mind. Ask yourself, how would I like a trusted partner to approach a break-up?

Invite your partner to a live chat. No break up messages please. Few people enjoy a confrontation but a respectful parting of the ways is just mature. It allows you to leave the relationship just as you entered. In person.

Lead into what you want to say. I told my partner that we needed to talk. This way, when we both arrived at our chat, he had some inkling of what was coming. There is a bit of a code to dating, and “We need to talk” is often recognized as being an introduction to a break up or some kind of change in the relationship.

Be clear. I clearly told my cyber date that I wanted to end the relationship. I answered his questions as far as I was comfortable. Do you need to explain? No. Does it help? I think so. I told him that though I enjoyed our time together, I was looking for some other qualities in a cyber mate. I also wished him luck in the future.

Be prepared for an emotional reaction. My partner expressed some disappointment. I had suspected that he liked me more than I liked him. I was right. He was mature about it though and didn’t go on the offensive. I appreciated that though I was prepared for some objections.

  Breakups a time for growth

Are you the one who is getting broken up with?

It’s important to feel your feelings. Mourn your relationship and take a look at yourself and what you want in your next partnership.

  Do you have some internal work to do?

Look at the relationship and see if there is a pattern being revealed. Do you often leave a relationship for the same reasons? Do others leave you? Why?

Take stock of your feelings

Have you been here before? You must be honest with yourself and allow your feelings to come through. Otherwise you risk repeating negative behaviour.

Breaking up can be hard to do. However, it’s also an opportunity for a fresh start. Work on yourself, mourn your relationship and head out again. You deserve to find what your innermost heart desires.

  P.S. I dare you to make a list of your past breakups. What was the major issue for each? If you notice a pattern, dig into it. Find comfort from supportive friends through chat on alterD8.  Begin chatting within minutes of signing up.

  Dr. Delilah

  What are some of the world’s most sensual cities?

There’s Paris, of course, but we’ve been there before.

Where else in the world can people enjoy a sexy chat amidst great views, gorgeous people and amazing culture?

  Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

While many have heard of Brazil’s famous annual festival, Carnival, the world may not know about everything else that Brazil has to offer. The list includes:

mountains

beaches

the Amazon River

a super model or 10 (Gisele Bündchen, one of the world’s top fashion models, is Brazilian.)

Look over some photos. Could you imagine yourself in Rio? What would you do?

  Discover Rio before then world catches up…

Rio and Brazil will soon be the center of the world stage. This South American country is the host of two major world events:

the 2014 FIFA World Cup, in June and July 2014

the 2016 Summer Olympics

  Virtual dating tips for cyber dates in Rio

How can you have a great alterD8 in Rio? I like to get into a Brazilian frame of mind before I go. To do this I:

put on some sexy samba music (a beat that makes you move in a sensual manner) and red stilettos

make and sip on the national drink of Brazil, a Caipirinha (includes refreshing limes and sugar)

put a feather in my hair and a thong and channel my inner Carnival spirit

Let’s samba!

  Amsterdam, the Netherlands

Yes, this city has a world famous red light district. De Wallen. And yes, sex and drugs are legally for sale.

However, this isn’t what makes the city sexy to me. Amsterdam has a lot more to offer.

Here’s what I love about this place:

tall, slim gorgeous Dutch citizens. So many people look like supermodels.

that Dutch accent

a Dutch-styled café latte, called koffie verkeerd, with 50% milk and 50% coffee

Then there’s the scenery. Castle-like homes lining bridges, and bright homes matching the fall colored leaves on the trees overlooking the rivers, lined with boats.

So European!

  Tips for alertD8s in Amsterdam

admire some Van Gogh paintings; I put Van Gogh's sunflowers series on as my screensaver (Oui, they are French, but he was Dutch)

drink a Dutch-styled coffee, or just a beverage with a lot of milk in it

nibble on some Dutch cheese and crusty bread

  Montreal

This French Canadian city is often considered to have a European feel.

Beautiful people, scenery and lined with cafes, it’s a great place to indulge in some pastries.

Winter is coming. But you don’t need to hide out in Montreal. A fun idea for a cyber date is to skate outdoors at night.

  Tips for online dating in Montreal

make a hot chocolate or open some red wine

have a fine pastry on hand

wear a big warm sweater or curl up with your laptop by a fireplace

There’s no need to feel stuck at home this fall and winter. Having fun on alterD8s just requires your imagination.

  P.S. I dare you to pick a sexy city for a cyber date. Look for like-minded friends and connections now on alterD8.  You could be in Rio, Amsterdam or Montreal within minutes of signing up.

Once I arrived, I began to notice how unacceptable some people found my solo status.

It seems to me that single women of a certain age have the ability to make others extremely uncomfortable.

People told me not to worry, that I would find someone.

They were shocked when I told them that I wasn’t looking. When I tried to talk about the latest movies and plays, they asked me who I would take with me.

Myself, I told them.

They promptly steered me toward the single men, assuming that I needed help in the romance department.

There’s a lot of pressure on women of all ages to be with someone.

  Cyber dates for the social but single

Right now, I’m single offline and on.

Whenever I chat online, I don’t get that feeling that I have to be with someone to reassure other people socially.

Being single doesn’t mean that I’m not social. I’m enjoying anonymous chat with male and female connections about everything that’s new and fresh this fall.

I’d had some great avatar chats about:

New books coming out

New movies

Plays and concerts

After the summer, which was a whirlwind of online dating fun, I’m just enjoying myself as I am. It’s a pleasure to be in my own company again.  

Not one of my avatar relationship connections has expressed regret. Once I’ve engaged in some online chat, I’ve been taking some time to connect with myself.

  The benefits of solitude

As I get wiser, I find that I crave and enjoy my own company more and more.

That doesn’t mean I don’t love to be with others. It just means that once I recharge myself on my own, I’m ready to connect with other people again.

Here are some solitary pursuits that I’m trying out this fall. It feels great to let my mind and body fuse again.  

Meditation. The Mayo Clinic lists a series of benefits to meditation including stress reduction, a decrease in negative feelings and inner peace. I’m trying out 10 minutes in the morning and 10 before bed. I light a candle and just focus on breathing.

Yoga. According to an article in the Huffington Post by Cassandra Sadek of Random House Canada, yoga helps you to clear your mind, and releases body tension which allows intuition and creativity to surface. I bought a video and do it three times a week. I feel stronger already!

Tai Chi. MedicineNet states that in China, this practice is believed to slow aging. While most research has focused on the benefits for older people and an increase in the sense of balance, I have felt more inner peace from trying it out, on my terrace in the evening.  

This Friday night there’s a movie I’m dying to see. I’ve decided to go solo. I’m getting dressed up, going out for dinner and taking myself out to the theatre.

I just know that when I get home I’ll want to have some avatar chat about it. I’m looking forward to the experience and what others have to say about it.

  P.S. I dare you to try a solo journey that helps you to connect with yourself. Enjoy some anonymous avatar chat about your experience with like-minded friends and connections on alterD8.  

  Dr. Delilah

My school days, new binders, notebooks and pens, classmates to rediscover and new kids coming to class.

The new boy who would catch my eye, whether we connected or I observed him quietly.

Chatting endless about that new boy during sleep overs.

My girlfriends and I would chat late into the night about those special boys we couldn’t stop thinking about…

  Uncomfortable weather linked to longer chats

It turns out that I’m not alone in associating fall with cozy chats, about boys, or the ups and downs of adult life.

The journal PLOS ONE reported that people are more likely to chat for a longer time when the weather is uncomfortable in a case study on mobile phone users in Portugal.

Researchers found that:

People communicated with fewer people in uncomfortable weather

Participants reached out to those they were close to

People spoke for longer time periods

My friends are busy now, many have moved away. Sometimes we connect online but it’s often just to report the latest happenings.

I’ve taken to reserving cold, rainy nights for curling up with my laptop and connecting inside of a close avatar relationship. 

  How can you become a great anonymous chat to form stronger bonds?

I recommend just trying it first of all.

Psychology Today recommends asking open ended questions that require more than yes or no answers. I like that. In addition to that, here are some of my own tips:

Be yourself. People want to connect with the authentic you. Besides, if you are yourself, you attract those who like the real you and eliminate wasting time with those who don’t.

Name your interests.

Listen. It’s not all about you. Part of it is, but read what the other person is saying and respond before you chime in with your own opinions.

Think about the best conversations you’ve ever had. What made them so great? Alternately, think about the people you love to talk to and take note of how they handle a conversation. Model their tactics.

You’ll improve your online chats and create a satisfying experience for others. That will up your ratings and attract a host of new partners to chat with throughout the winter.

P.S. I dare you to curl up in bed and get cozy during a cold fall night, and try some anonymous avatar chat with your closest avatar partners. Get in touch now on alterD8 to form new online relationships.  

Dr. Delilah

According to Time, the three key elements to strong relationships include:

knowing a partner extremely well

strong life skills

great communication

So how do you really get to know someone when cyber dating?

  Ask and you shall find out

Since my avatar is that of a pop psychologist, I love to ask people what they truly desire.

You’d be amazed at the kinds of intimate needs that people have and the craving they have to confess. I’ve heard about:

sexual orientation (I’ve met those who are into gay virtual dating)

dream careers

dream women

dream men

fantasies (anonymous cybersex

wild encounters

hurtful relationship experiences

The list goes on. Doesn’t it always?

There’s just something about anonymous dating that helps me click quickly and effectively with others.  

  Satisfying your partner

How does knowing a partner help your relationship?

I’ve found that knowing what my cyber dates want, and what they may try, is the key to knowing how to get them interested. It also keeps them satisfied and meets their needs.

That’s how I start training my fantasy partners to meet my needs.

In turn, having virtual relationships with those who know me extremely well keeps me satisfied. I like to be surprised and to experiment. It’s refreshing to have others come up with ideas and lead me into fresh sensual adventures.

A little role play never hurt either. Isn’t that the point of a virtual dating website in the first place?

P.S. When dating avatars, try playing 20 questions. Ask everything you wouldn’t dare to ask on an offline date. Sign up for alterD8 today to meet your new virtual date today.  

Dr. Delilah

It was really hot the other night. I decided to experiment a little. I tried out some anonymous cybersex chat with a virtual date.

  Sexy chats online

Adding some spicy conversation to a virtual relationship gave me a thrill. My partner, an avatar that I’ve been dating for a few weeks, was very excited to take part.

I’ve felt different ever since, online and off. More powerful.

Here are some of the benefits that I experienced.

  5 things I felt after an anonymous cybersex chat

Here’s how a sexy chat changed my virtual relationship, boosted my self-confidence and made me feel more sensual, online and off.

Increased trust. For me, initiating a spicy conversation was easier within an established virtual relationship. I trusted my partner, but more importantly, I trusted myself. I was ready and able to say what I wanted and what I did not want. It was a great feeling knowing that I could trust myself.

Increased self-awareness. Sharing your inner desires in conversation means being able to listen to yourself and identify what you enjoy. Once you’ve done that, sharing is a whole lot easier.

Self-confidence. Talking to a partner helped me to take charge of my own sexuality.  I found talking with my partner to be empowering. He seemed to get a confidence boost out of it as well. For me, having a sense of self-confidence feels very sexy. 

Stronger relationship. Chatting anonymously and enjoying some sensual conversation brought my partner and I closer together. I feel like we’re much more intimate. Not only did I learn a lot about my partner, I learned a great deal about myself.

Greater creativity. At first, I wasn’t sure what to say. I felt a little nervous. However, since I was in a safe and secure environment, I gradually got braver. We tried out some role play scenarios. I tried on some different roles. My virtual date and I both loved it.

  Looking for ways to get a sexy chat started?

Try talking about movies and books that you find sexy. “Fifty Shades of Grey” anyone?

Need more of a how-to guide? Here’s a book called “Sex Talk: Uncensored Exercises for Exploring What Really Turns You On” by sex therapist Aline P. Zoldbrod and erotica writer Lauren Dockett. (I’m not affiliated; I just think that starting with a book is a helpful way to get started.)

P.S. Here’s your weekly challenge. Try out some spicy conversation. Do what feels right for you.

P.S.S. Sign up to chat anonymously and you begin your search for a virtual partner within minutes.

Dr. Delilah

    The science of summer love

Is it real? I read up on a number of articles. Live Science identified some factors that may influence summer love. These include:

A break from routine.

I know that feeling relaxed and enjoying the sun makes me feel more sociable. I love to walk through the parks and enjoy the beautiful flowers. At night, after I’ve cleared away the dishes I like to sit on my deck with a glass of wine… It all reminds me of when I was a young girl (except for the wine of course).

Cultural expectations.

As New Year’s Eve comes with many expectations, so does summer. Summer love may be a cultural phenomenon. That book I’m reading? All those movies about summer love? These help us create expectations around relationships in the summer. The relationships are not too heavy. Just a summer fling. Casual. Lighthearted. Temporary.

Light summer clothing.

The site of so many women in summer dresses, shorts and tank tops, bathing suits and shirtless men are all mighty tempting. Whenever I emerge from the house, I see the beauty of men and women with toned torsos and tanned legs on display. That certainly puts me in the mood for summer love.

  Do you feel more flirtatious in the summertime? Online or off?

This summer, I’ve been wearing long summer dresses and letting my hair flow about my shoulders. It definitely makes me feel far more flirtatious. I also like to wear golden sandals, have my toes painted, wear hats and gorgeous bright red lipsticks.

Running along the beach, meeting up with friends. These are all things that make me feel sensual in my own skin.

This summer I’ve been too busy to meet a summer prospect. I’m on a quest to see if that desire for summer love can be found through anonymous avatar chat.

I’m going to ask my anonymous online dating partners if they’ve found summer love online or if they think it’s possible.

  P.S. I dare you to have a fun summer online fling. Virtual relationships that never, ever end up offline. You can begin to chat anonymously here within minutes. Set up your avatar and start connecting. It’s fun. See you inside. Wink, wink.

  Dr. Delilah