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#69
How we met: OKCupid
# of dates we’d go on: 1
Why we stopped dating: *shrug emoji*
First date in person! We met at Cellarmaker, a pizzeria and bar on Mission Street. We sat in their sidewalk parklet, which was actually quite nice (aside from the traffic noise). The pizza was great! It was square and had crunchy cheese around the edge. I got a big-ass sangria at 4 in the afternoon, too! We were both in the process of moving. Not sure how he managed to afford moving within an expensive neighborhood when he’s been unemployed for over a year. Confusing! We talked about therapy. Like my ex (#37), he’s a few years younger than I am and a programmer. Maybe that was a sign! He was conventionally good-looking and it intimidated me. I feel like I forgot how to people.
#68
How we met: Hinge
# of dates we’d go on: 3
Why we stopped dating: he wasn’t feeling it, I assume
Our first date was virtual-- I think we used the Hinge app. We just chatted about stuff. He thought I looked sophisticated because I had a bookcase behind me. He seemed quiet but not shy. I thought he’d be emotionally intelligent because he was in school for social work (and didn’t use the phrase “emotionally intelligent” or its synonym “EQ” on his profile). All I said in my diary was “he seemed alright.”
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#65
How we met: OKCupid
# of dates we’d go on: 1
Why we stopped dating: annoying laugh, annoying dog
Here is a list of all the awkward things that happened on this virtual date:
I asked this guy out after weeks of a very slow-rolling (1-2 messages a day) conversation as a form of “shit or get off the pot.” I probably should have just gotten off the pot instead of shitting.
His response: “and see your beautiful eyes on the screen? Yes please.” Ugh. I know he’s trying to flirt and tell me he finds me attractive, but it just came off as pathetic that he had to wait for me to ask him out before he felt confident enough to try to flirt.Â
Getting the date set up didn’t go smoothly, either, because I had to make two attempts to find a compatible platform. FaceTime didn’t work because he's on Android, so I invited him to a Google Hangout. For some reason he also needed to install the app on his phone; not sure why he didn’t just use a web browser as I was doing. So what I’m saying is: not a very sexy start to a date. Maybe I should start using WhatsApp?
His dog, a pitbull, was very needy. He’d pet the dog by rubbing it vigorously along its face or curling his fingers along its flank. Sometimes the dog would look like it wanted to get off the couch but my date would hold it by the collar. Seemed a bit codependent.Â
Laughing with a giggle ending in “so…”
He asked me “how my shomer shabbos was.” Oh God. Shomer shabbos means you keep or observe the sabbath. He meant to ask how my shabbos was. Gevalt. Yes, he is technically Jewish, yes, he was trying, but somehow it’s worse than a non-Jew who just doesn’t know a thing about it.
He tried to tell me about discovering his friend is a Trump supporter, which is interesting! You don’t get many of those out in these parts. But the way he told it left a lot of details unclear. I kept trying to ask clarifying questions, but he didn’t seem to be answering them in his responses.
Just to wrap things up nicely here-- the best thing about this date was the actual shitting. About 15 minutes before our date was to start, I took a massive dump. I’m so glad I could just do that rather than worrying about using the bathroom while I’m on the bus or in some slimy bar. None of that awkward you-can’t-walk-me-out-yet-I-have-to-pee drama. Have you ever tried to hover over a wet toilet seat while you’re in heels? I do not miss that!
#64
How we met: JSwipe
# of dates we’d go on: 1
Why we stopped dating: he was pretentious and reeked of my ex
A Google Hangouts date. Slow-moving convo. I did all the heavy lifting, but I let things drag. I thought he wouldn’t ask me a single question, but eventually he did. What I couldn’t stand was the pretentiousness. He said he grew up without TV, only with books and the Internet, so anything the teacher would try to talk about he’d already read four books on. You know, it’s fine to be a jackass as a child, but to grow up and still be certain that you’re better than all your teachers? Come on. And then to tell that to a teacher? What are you doing? And, if I may, one thing he for sure could have learned in school was how to use precise language and also how to stay honest. If you’re socially isolated by constantly switching schools or doing independent study, you might build up imaginary ideas about how things and people work; but eventually you need to join the world and see where you fit in. The real you, not your idea of you. He was talking about how he was on the fencing team and the triathlon team at Cal. But somehow he’d also barely gone to high school. I asked how he made the UC Berkeley fencing team without any experience. Oh, now it’s the fencing club. One of those interactions would have been enough, but there were several. He’d make some grand statement (true or true-enough), then I would question him until he clarified to a much less substantial claim. It just seemed like he’d built up this narrative about his life, and that’s what he wanted to impress me with. But I just want to talk to you and see if we connect. I ended up with my last boyfriend because he looked good on paper but let it be known: I am not doing that again.Â
#63
How we met: OKCupid
# of dates we’d go on: 1
Why we stopped dating: no romantic spark
As soon as our Zoom date started, he hit the Juul and commented that he likes to show what an ass he is right off the bat. Yikes. That self-sabotage tho. Not totally judging before I know if he’s using vapes to get off of cigarettes or if he actually is a guy in his mid-30’s sucking on some vape juice just for the heck of it.Â
Despite that, our conversation was lively and fun. With the election less than two weeks away, we had lots to talk about, like state propositions. Should we replace cash bail with an algorithm? Should we require dialysis centers to have doctors and report problems? He criticized Kamala Harris but I clapped back and he actually listened. (For those who care-- people come down hard on Harris for her supposedly harsh tactics as a DA, but to me, any politician up until very recently had to be seen as “tough on crime” to keep their jobs. If she’d been perceived as “soft,” which -- let’s face it-- women and liberals already are, she wouldn’t have made it to senator and VP candidate.)
He ended our date after an hour, which I liked. #boundaries
