Thatâs my ex-boyfriendâs work youâre looking at.
He liked to make digital art; this tat-
Tooâall my ink, in factâbegan as files
On his computer. Bet theyâd stretch for miles
If laid out end to end, all his designs.
Oh yes, theyâre finely drawn, these several linesâ
But never mind the tracery on my skin.
Tell me about yourself. Like, whatâs your sin
Of choice? Oneâs vices mold oneâs character,
I think, into such curious shapes. Incur
A few like mine then, since you claim youâve none.
The worst of them? Itâs jealousy: the sun
At midday burns no brighter than my rage
When I suspect a partnerâs false. A sage
Guess, that, but no, this boyfriend didnât cheat
On me; thatâs not why we broke up. A treat
It might have been though, to have caught him out:
I rather like to rage and scream and shout.
Instead, I found myself fending off âI
Love youâsâ till, to forestall more puppy eye-
S, I finally said it back: âI love you tooâ
So much I canât quite bear it.â Right on cue
He kissed me like the world was burning up.
And then he set to with a will: my cup
Ran over many times that night, to put
The matter biblically. Ouch! Thatâs my foot.
Donât worry, weâre all klutzes in a crowd.
Ha! Since you ask, yes, he was well-endowed.
Yes, very smart. His parents? Well, had we
Got married Iâd have been spared in-laws; he
Was orphaned at thirteen. A car crash, yes,
You guessed it. No, thank God, he got the mess
Out of his system long before we met
And never fussed about his loss. What, debt?
No way. Impeccable, his finances.
He did read, yes. That poem about Cortez,
Or was it Homerâright, by Keats. His fav-
Orite, or one of them. Yes, you bet he gave
Great gifts (and head). No, I donât mind at all,
Ask anything, however big or small.
Ah, thatâs the million-dollar question. Truth
Is, I left him. â Oh hey, look, thereâs a booth
Just opened up, letâs grab it. â Anyway,
Do stop apologizing, itâs okay:
You made the natural assumption. Iâm
Not impressive, so howâd I catch this prime
Guyâjust to dump him? I canât speak to what
He saw in me: Iâm pretty, kind of, but
Iâd call myself a seven, tops. My ex,
Though, smashed the scale. Justâone of those perplex-
Ing people standards donât apply to, who
Donât even know it, much less careâimbue-
D with excellences theyâre as heedless of
As fish of waterâyeah, you gotta love
The type, right? They should form a club and shine
Among themselves sequestered. Thenâmore wine?
Youâre very welcomeâwe mere groundlings might
Pretend to quality. And yet, despite
My exâs membership in that eliteâ
Or rather, different from the rest replete
With giftsâhe didnât make you feel compelled
To catalog your failings. He dispelled
Your insecuritiesâthe opposite
Effect. Imperatives like being wit-
Ty, pretty, perfect, best, which motivate
Our daily doingsâthese just dissipat-
Ed in his presence. Alexâyes, his nameâ
Justâwas. Around him you forgot the game.
He radiated wholeness, centeredness,
And just by being gave you worthiness.
âIâm waxing over-eloquent, forgive
Me. Butâexactly!! Itâs one thing to live
A light, another to live with that light.
It blinded me. It burned me. With no night
To rest my sight, no blight however slight,
I, hollow-eyed, began to crave a fight.
I went big, thatâs my style. I lied and said
I cheated. I concocted, stirred, and fed
Him quite the tale. He believed every word.
He took it calmly. Yes, Iâd have preferred
Hysterics, anyone would, but I knew
Better than to expect a grand debut
Of temper even then and there. He asked
If he might borrow my car. âFor air.â I masked
My irritationâJaguars arenât the best
Beginnersâ carâsaid yes to his requestâ
Undressed and got in bed. Suffice to say,
I never saw that car again. Obey-
Ing traffic laws, apparently, is hard
To do when freshly broken up with. Charred,
Completely totaled, that poor car. Alex?
Wasnât it clear? He died. Ha, the apex
Of my career as storytellerâs not
Tonight: the misdelivered punchlineâs shot.
You guessed his parentsâ crash, why not his own?
I see. Yes, movies give us plotlines sewn
Up neatly with a bow. We donât expect
The same of life. In this case, the direct
Parallel between sonâs and parentsâ death
Arrests our sense that lifeâs not art. â Hey! Seth!
âI beg your pardon: thatâs the friend I was
Early to meet. Like who? My God, he does!
A dead ringer, youâre right. Well, Cary Grantâs
Clone texted me to join him by those plants.
Itâs been so lovely talking with you. Oh,
Sure! Have another look. Itâs a tableau:
The angel sleeping, devils gather round.
The deity presides, aloof and crowned.