#dissecting

Lucas: Breaking Bar(power bar)-They are used to break loose very tight fasteners; prevents damage to the ratcheting mechanism of a socket wrench. Core themes revolve around interruption, protection, leverage, and breaking through resistance or established conditions.

Mike: Shovel-necessary labor, perseverance, and the pragmatism of building a future through hard work; represent the act of unearthing hidden truths; tool of both creation and destruction, representing ambition, betrayal, or the inescapable nature of fate.

Mike will be uncovering his & Will’s feelings for each other.. he will realize it is fate & they both want the same things.

Joyce: 5 Safety Goggles- protection from harm, representing caution, a commitment to safety, and the prevention of injury; symbolic protection against negative influences-where the eyes are considered conduits for spiritual energy.

Will: Surveyors Wheel(waywiser)-This term reflects its historical use for measuring long distances, such as between towns; representation of precision, progress, and boundary-setting; the act of marking a path or a new beginning; similar to a "winged wheel" used in heraldry to represent speed and progress; journey or the process of marking a new path.

And Will was handed a Wheel….WHEELER…

Sooo.. closing the distance between him & Mike, making progress, new beginning…

season 5|volume 1|episode 4|The Sorcerer

Approximately at 30:30

Source details and larger version.

CHUNGKING EXPRESS: My Journal Entry (5/30)

Initially, this post was supposed to be about Days of Being Wild, but I didn’t finish the movie because I’m still trying to sync up the subtitles on VLC media player. Perhaps it was for the better, because I gave myself a chance to experience an oriental classic in Chungking Express, and I don’t think I could’ve picked a better moment in my life to have watched this movie than now. There’s a lot I want to say about this movie and I think I’ll divide it into two parts — my personal reaction and my analysis on the cinematography and other technical components. I don’t plan on writing in too much detail here, although with enough pacing I could write an essay on this.

I couldn’t help but feel floored when I came to the realization that I was watching four stories being told, two at a time. Every story was reflective on intimacy in avenues I didn’t even anticipate. The four main characters all had an ambition yearning to be curbed and personally, Officer 663 & Faye was a story I felt consistently more invested in. I was drawn to Faye for her child-like insouciance and I think it was absolutely rad how she played a character based on herself. The film itself is escapist, and her character yearns for love and excitement within her life. In a way, it felt like looking in a mirror — I feel seen when she talked about saving money so she could live life in the way she desires to! I felt passion in the way Officer 663 looked after her too. Oh, to have lost a woman he loved dearly and still find it within himself to take care of a girl he just met in that manner…

Along the way, I also picked up on recurring motifs of togetherness. The planes on 663’s ex’s back, the goldfish, and even the song choices reflect that — so much symbols within the script are interconnected within each other. My favorite motif though is Officer Qi-Wu’s “love you for 10000 years.” For me, I feel that love in many aspects can be undying, contrary to Qi-Wu pondering if love could in fact expire (I couldn’t imagine fighting tooth and nail for fruit with a two day shelf life remaining. I digress though.) I’ll have nothing short of love for the faces of my loves past, and future. If anything, watching this movie reinforces the type of partner I know I’ll be someday: a patient, self-less lover.

So if you remember by post titled ‘My beef with Dhar Mann’ you probably remember I am not a fan of this insanely popular Youtuber. I explained why before, and that my biggest gripe was that Dhar Mann’s main intention with his videos are to give good messages to his audience, only (and unintentionally I guess) to have the messages actually be extremely HARMFUL. I try commenting why I feel this way in his comment sections while trying to be nice and say that I only wanted him to do better, but EVERY TIME I get backlash from people who say I am a bad person for daring to criticize Dhar Dhar.

Do I regret my constructive criticism?

NO.

I may not be right all the time, but I sure know that Dhar Mann NEEDS to hear out people like me. But he actively REFUSES to and makes US look like bad guys. Seriously, every time I look through his comment sections and see kids genuinely call him an inspiration and an absolute role model... I feel really bad. Obviously, if they love his videos, that’s fine, opinions are opinions, but when they say that the messages are good... I just feel bad for these people because it REALLY feels like a cult. And I DO NOT want to have to say that to any fanbase.

And I just so happened to find new video he made that legitimately expresses ALL MY POINTS from my previous post about him, and just made me angry. Keep in mind I will TRY to keep the rage level as low as possible, and again, give constructive criticism as to WHY I find this video such a TERRIBLE influence to people.

“Nerd gets revenge on cool teens, what happens next is shocking”

Yeah, given how nearly EVERY Dhar Mann video ends the same way, I doubt ANYONE will be shocked at anything.

But that’s still not an excuse for my points.

Before I get started, I want to also point out that Dhar Mann was out for two months, where in a post he said he was doing it for Covid reasons, to save lives and keep his crew safe.

Okay, what’s the problem with that? He’s protecting people from Covid.

IT WAS A LIE.

He wasn’t out to keep the people working on his videos safe from the deadly virus, he was busy promoting a new studio! Where he expresses that, as if his Covid post NEVER existed, and goes over how his videos will now be longer, and ‘less cringy’ (yeah right. Dude, being cringy is NOT the issue of your videos. The problem is that you don’t INTEND for it to be cringy, so you fail at your selling point. If ya wanna be cringy, be cringy, embrace yourself with that!) So okay, he wants to promote himself and his platform, and that’s why he was gone. Okay, cool. BUT DON’T LIE TO US. DON’T say you’re leaving to protect people, when you’re doing the exact opposite! And if that WAS your intention, WHY would you drag all your good and loyal crewmates into an area where they could get the virus?!

GOSH I feel so bad for the crew. I know I hate these videos, but I don’t hate the crew at all even if it seems that way sometimes. I want to give this crew a hug and get them some better work options.💖

So THAT’S the context as to why his videos are longer now. So, with the video I’m gonna go over today, there is A LOT of ground I want to cover. Therefore A LOT of bad messages I want to call out and tell people WHY these are bad messages and harmful ones to the audience.

Keep in mind that ALL of my words are my opinion, and meant to be constructive criticism, my points are not fact, it’s all about perspective, and I am sharing my perspective. If you think these are all good messages, good for you. I’m glad you can unironically watch these and see greatness in them. I also do not mean to harass Dhar Mann or anyone involved, and I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT SAY ANYONE SHOULD QUIT THEIR JOB. I say I want them to take what I say into consideration, so they can BE BETTER.

Also, this guy has 10 MILLION subs now. I only have 14 followers on Tumblr (love ya guys) So obviously, I am a VERY small force compared to him. But I do hope I can be heard by at least someone. And if you hear me, PLEASE leave a like and also share your thoughts. These types of posts get ZERO recognition and that makes me sad.

So, let’s look at this video, going over EVERY bullet point on WHY I find these messages SO TERRIBLE, going over EVERYTHING I can find in this single video: “Nerd Gets Revenge On Cool Teens”

1: It’s A Black And White World

This is a problem with nearly EVERY Dhar Mann video, but it needs to also be said here. The idea that it’s a black and white world we live in. If you don’t know what that means, it’s basically a world where there are good guys and there are bad guys, and it’s extremely obvious who’s who. The good guys do the morally good thing, and the bad guys do the morally bad thing. Now, in something like fiction, this isn’t ENTIRELY a problem, there are shows and movies where there are simply good guys and bad guys. 

The problem arises where your intention is to be realistic. And Dhar Mann is trying to portray how the world works. So this mindset makes his characters extremally unrelatable. They’re just one trait, one diversity, (I’ll talk about that later) and one role. There are cheesy shows out there that make the bullies unrealistically hateable and over the top, but that shouldn’t be a mindset audience members should walk away with and say “Yeah, that’s what the real world is like!” If you encourage kids that there are bad people in the world, that’s fine. If you encourage kids that there are nothing but bad people and you’re the only good person, that’s HARMFUL. That could turn that kid into an egotist who thinks that they’re always right.

On top of that, these bullies are NOT INTENDED to be corny, they’re intended to be realistic and to make the good guys relatable. Except even in my days, my bullies would never call names or be so blatant about making fun of my diversities, they don’t try to beat me, they don’t go out of their way to torment me. They would just annoy me and pester me to make me feel uncomfortable. They’d press my buttons and make me question myself. If I was downright beaten up or called names like Dhar Mann bullies do, I’d know straight away I’m being used. But the type of bullying I went through made me seriously question myself, because they knew what worked on me. Believe it or not, I myself had the mindset that I was the only right person, that I was good and virtuous and they were all morons. I had to learn the hard way that I was WRONG. I wasn’t ‘the good guy’ because they were people, and in their mind, I was the issue. I was constantly harassing them to be like me. And I will go into more detail about this later in this post. 

Dhar Mann doesn’t write bullies as though they’re people, he writes bullies as though they’re devils. It would be fine if he wasn’t trying to make his videos relatable, but he is, and that’s why it doesn’t work. NOBODY is going to relate to these bully characters or recognize that they might potentially be like them, because they are unidentifiable to the audience. They will not look at a video with a dude calling a girl names and throwing her notebooks in the trash and laugh in an over the top fashion, and go “Yeah, I can see myself in that, I guess my behavior is flawed.” 

If people can see these bullies in themselves, then... they should get some mental help.

Oh and another thing that’s not related to this video specifically: Critics are bullies in the Dhar Mann universe.

Guess that makes me a bully because I DARE to give him constructive criticism.

Must I say more about how harmful this is?

So in context of his video, a football player wants to date this hot girl because she’s hot, and looks down on a ‘ugly girl’ who has a crush on him, and he actively talks smack about her KNOWING she’s listening. 

I am NOT gonna act like I’ve never experienced this before. I unfortunately fall under the category of ‘traditional beauty’ to a lot of people, and that actually made me feel worse about myself, because I’d always have incels trying to date me for my looks alone. Then when they actively get to know me, they become bullies. (Yeah something Dhar Mann says about getting to know people as people will make bullies stop? Well, that’s a lie!) So no, while the dialogue is bad in this video, I am NOT gonna act like this isn’t behavior I’ve experienced before. 

Another nitpick, the teacher wants the kids to use calculators without any batteries. That would make the calculator shut down! What is her goal here?!

2: Liking Appearances Is Bad

You also don’t transfer into school in just a few weeks before the school year ends! That’s not how moving works!

But okay, so the guy is in love with the new girl because she hot, fine. Some relationships DO start off with appearances. Mine didn’t, but I am not gonna act like falling for appearance is a bad thing. Dhar Mann says that beauty is a bad thing to fall for, except it’s not. If you love a person truly, you love them for all aspects of them. Maybe not all, maybe you don’t like one or two things they do, but overall, you love them for who they are, and you love a ton of features they have. Obviously, liking them as people is always a good thing, and what you should focus on more. But sometimes it doesn’t matter if you like them as people, find them nice, find them to be good friends, find them to be the most good hearted people out there, if you don’t find them attractive, you DO NOT have to be in a relationship with them. You can just be friends, and there is nothing wrong with that. 

Secondly, this video wants you to believe that braces, acne, and glasses are unattractive and can never be attractive, and I’ll go in depth about this later. Do know that there ARE some people in the world who find glasses attractive, who find braces attractive. You should not feel ashamed of the physical appearance you do have because someone might find you and genuinely love you for that. And if they love you for your personality as well, that’s a good sounding relationship.

You DO NOT have to change the way you look or fit into ‘the traditional beauty’ in any way at all! 

I’m so glad Dhar Mann doesn’t say in this video that you DO have to fit traditional beauty in order to get ANY sort of love-

OH WAIT...

We’ll talk about this later.

Also, drawing your crush on paper isn’t cute. It’s creepy. Keep in mind that’s ENTIRELY my opinion, but I find that creepy. Unless you have a partner, and they’re okay with you drawing them, DON’T DO THIS.

I agree with the bullies here, the nerd girl is a CREEP.

And don’t worry, she gets even MORE UNLIKEABLE as the video goes on.

3: Grades = LIFE

I. HATE. THIS.

I ABSOLUTELY HATE THIS ONE.

THIS IS DISGUSTING, THIS IS CORRUPTING, THIS IS MANIPULATIVE, THIS IS REAL LIFE, AND DHAR MANN ENCOURAGES THIS CORRUPTED TERRIBLE MINDSET TO BE PERFECT

I HATE IT.

Okay, to go in detail, the teacher tells the guy that he’s failing class. He doesn’t care, he can move on with his life. Good mindset man. Grades don’t define him, that’s good! 👍

Except we’re supposed to believe HE’S WRONG for this mindset!

NO.

HE’S RIGHT.

But NOOOOOO, Grades are the single most important thing in the entire world! If you don’t get an A, you’re a bad person! If you don’t care about grades, you’re a bad person! There is NO OTHER WAY you can live your life other than to take tests and get As. Unless you get As, you will NEVER have a good life, and will NEVER be a real person in the real world.

Sadly, this is the school system we live in. AND IT’S SICK. This may be real, but it shouldn’t be ENCORUAGED to keep happening! Say what you will about hard work and preparation, we live in a world where there are MULTIPLE options for people to get jobs, participate in events, and have good lives, outside of school. We should encourage kids to actually explore the world and figure out who they are and find their own success, because if we keep them locked away from the world in a building and stress them out with tests involving memorizing random junk, THAT’S what makes them less likely to succeed at life.

I’ve followed this corrupted system for a long time, and what a dumb person I was back then. Because exploring the world has helped me in far greater ways. I want to help people understand that. It’s also why I absolutely HATE videos like these that encourage school to be the ONE AND ONLY WAY you can succeed at life. It’s GROSS.

This teacher also frames it as though FUN is BAD.

NO NO NO NO

Fun is NOT bad! Fun is vital to a person’s self esteem. If they don’t like what they’re doing, they’re not gonna be happy, which could lead to several mental illnesses. Again, ANOTHER bad message from Dhar Mann.

Also what is she talking about when she says that ‘he could have easily stopped it’? I didn’t see HER stopping anything! I didn’t see anyone else walking by stopping anything! They were minding their own business, and that’s okay!! Whether or not you get involved in something is YOUR choice! You are not wrong for either route you take! Wanna get in on it? Fine. Don’t want to? Fine. That’s a subjective situation, and encouraging people that if they don’t fight back, they’re bad people, is HARMFUL.

So the guy wants to play football. But according to this world’s rules, bad grades mean you DON’T get to follow your dreams or have a good life! NOPE. Doesn’t matter how good you are at your skill, doesn’t matter how good you are as a person, doesn’t matter if you’re the only option they’ve got! Bad grades, means NO LIFE. NO DREAMS. YOU’RE A FAILURE. YOU GET NO FUTURE, and you can NEVER FIX THAT!

Aside from the ending, THIS makes me the most ANGRY out the entire 20 minute long video. That says a lot.

Which also brings me to:

4: “Instead of making fun of Anna, you should try to be more like Anna. She scores the highest grades out of any of my students in any of my classes.”

Me: 😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠

YES. Encourage kids that they should NOT be themselves! But rather be like OTHER PEOPLE! “Because they’re just so much more successful than you!”

That’s SARCASM from me.

NO. DON’T think this quote is a good message. IT’S NOT. 

Sure, celebrities exist, they’re successful. But NO, kids CAN look up to them, but they should not try to BE them. If you get what I’m saying. Kids should be their own inspiration as much as others inspire them. They should feel comfortable being themselves and trusting their own talents and skills. Because some ways don’t work for others. We’re all different. And if we try to be like other people, we’re ultimately setting ourselves up for failures.

If I was in this Dhar Mann school and I had this teacher, I’d probably sue them.

She is a bad influence on her kids.

Okay, so this guy’s plan is to USE the nerd girl to get an A on the project, by lying about his feelings for her and manipulating her so he can dump her for the project. I WILL hand it to Dhar Mann that he points out this is wrong behavior. I’m not gonna argue with such. The nerd girl is the victim here. Not gonna argue. But the problem comes with HOW this is executed into showing he’s wrong. NOT by making him learn more about her or suffer because of his actions, but because the NERD GIRL does something WORSE and is seen as JUSTIFIED.

So skipping TEN minutes of FILLER, where all you need to know is that he uses her, he gets an A, he dumps her, and comes clean to her that she isn’t attractive to him. Boo hoo.

So what is the message here? Should the nerd girl move on? Should she learn to accept herself for who she is? Should she trust her own abilities and love her appearance just the way it is? Should she learn to be carful who she crushes on and trusts? Thus should the message be to avoid abusive relationships and red flags?

All of these things would be a legit good message to leave the audience with!

NAH!

Let’s do the actual WORST outcome possible for this sort of story!

So narrated by Dhar Mann (cause he got lazy to actually WRITE his story) the guy and the hot girl get As, they get along, they start to love each other for who they are, and they become a couple. Cute. They have a great summer vacation, they legit talk to each other and hang out. 

It’s a great, cute, healthy couple!

AND THEN THIS HAPPENS

5: You can only be traditionally beautiful to be attractive

Yep.

THIS is why you don’t dump ugly girls... because they could become traditionally beautiful one day!

This is actually THE WORST MESSAGE of the entire video!

Yes kids, if you have glasses, if you have braces, if you have acne, you CANNOT be attractive in ANY WAY. NOBODY will like you! You have to become traditionally beautiful and hot in order to get ANY RESPECT from ANYONE.

Something about who you are on the inside? Something about loving yourself for your own beauty? NOPE. YOU MUST BE HOT. That’s the ONLY WAY you can be loved!

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!

People with glasses can be beautiful! People with facial deformities can be beautiful! People with braces and be beautiful! You should love yourself for who you are! No matter what! You do not have to appeal to ANYTHING!

Dhar Mann actively says that NO, you CAN’T be beautiful unless you’re traditionally so! You CAN’T possibly be proud to have deformities! That’s just BAD!

NO, IT’S HEALTHY for people to love themselves, even if they’re not attractive! IT’S NOT HEALTHY to say they HAVE to be someone else in order to be attractive!

I can’t express how much I hate this! 

And best of all, the nerd girl is NOT EVEN A GOOD PERSON

I mentioned before that she was a creep, but this ending just makes her WORSE...

6: Ruining lives is GOOD

Yep. She ruins his life. Because of the stuff he did before.

Now, yes, the guy DOES deserve consequences for his actions. Fair. But I absolutely DO NOT think THIS is the way to do it. I don’t think the nerd girl should have ACTIVELY destroyed EVERYTHING HE LOVED. If it was passive, fine, but it’s not passive. His life is ruined because of HER, NO ONE ELSE. NOT any other aspect of him that could send him on any downward spiral. It is entirely HER. FAULT.

She records him flirting with her ‘cause she hot now’ and she exposes that to his girlfriend to END a perfectly serviceable relationship. That was an okay relationship! He wasn’t manipulating Amber, he wasn’t abusing her, he wasn’t using her for anything! He spent the summer with Amber and they got along! For who they were! And I’m supposed to believe he’s JUSTIFIED in LOSING that?!

He clearly loved Amber for more than her beauty in that montage! Sure her appearance is the main reason why he’s dating her, but he GOT ALONG with her! They were compatible! 

Then the nerd girl actively RUINS IT, by convincing Amber to DUMP HIM. The nerd girl exposes his actions (randomly) and EVERYONE hates him now! He gets bad grades now, he fails at school, he loses his privileges, he fails at his LIFE. Because earlier they said that grades defined EVERYTHING.

And they want me to believe the nerd girl is in the right.

SHE’S NOT.

She just proved that she was WORSE than him by doing this! She USED her classmates to ruin his life! She USED Amber to have her dump him! She USED everyone to ruin his life!! And then she walks away all pretty and attractive like it’s something to be proud of!

Yeah sure! Ruining a guy’s life is GOOD. Making sure he has NO FUTURE is GOOD. Revenge is GOOD. Ruining relationships is GOOD. Playing people is GOOD. Using your looks to an advantage is GOOD.

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!!

That’s NOT GOOD.

And there are people who believe this is a good message?!

No it’s not! This is NOT what you do! This is selfish, this is cruel, and this does NOT make you ANY better than the guy you want revenge on. If someone uses you the way the guy did to the nerdy girl, you LEAVE. You walk away, ignore him for the rest of your life, and you find acceptance in yourself! Maybe you become traditionally beautiful, maybe you don’t, maybe you find love n yourself just the way you are. But by doing the exact same thing your user does, does NOT make you right. It makes you just as wrong, doesn’t matter if you were the victim first. 

You need to WALK AWAY. You need to LEAVE, and worry about yourself! Just don’t ever talk to the person who used you ever again. That’s all you need to do!

I can’t believe people actually think this video is a good message. FIVE MILLION PEOPLE viewed it. I just... how?! HOW IS THIS GOOD?! THIS IS HARMFUL FOR PEOPLE, and in many ways, will actively change their lives for the WORST. If this gets in their heads at least.

I really DON’T want that to happen to anybody. SO I’m making this post. 

Dhar Mann, if you read this (which you very likely won’t) take my words and think about what I’m saying. Do better with your writing!

I’ve been watching gintama for the past couple of weeks. And since lately I encounter sleeping problem, lets turn this energy to talk about one of my favorite arc. The controversial arc that invite polarized opinion among Gintama fans.

For  Tsukuyo fans, Red spider is a certain favorite together with Yoshiwara in flame and Courtesan of the nation.  This arc fleshed her background and deepen her bond with yorozuya, especially Gintoki

For casual fans, this arc is the first time they see a glimpse of gintoki past, The first time  gintoki in a berserk mode, the first time he act by his own volition. And somehow he appeared like a true shonen hero saving the heroine.

By then tsukuyo was far from heroine status. She just recently introduced a couple episodes back. Yoshiwara in flame focused more on Hinowa and seita story. But Tsukuyo already  rose in ranking because her unique character design (in sacchan word, she has a lot of ‘hooks’) aside being badass in general.

For naysayers, Red spider arc is that arc that destroy Tsukuyo character. Reduced her into damsel in distress, mere love interest and what not. Of course its people’s right to interpret a work however they see fit. People enjoying entertainment in a different way afterall. Maybe they are a strict feminist type who wanted a true xena like character?  disappointed when a strong female charachter ended up saved by the male hero? (Tho I wonder why they don’t care with preceeding events where Tsukuyo saved gintoki a couple of time)  

The other would say this arc is such a big jump from previous arcs. A sudden transition they would say. And heck they’re right. Red spider arc  Is different compared to other serious arc before it.  Its lustrously dark, whispery,  not much emphasis on family nor comedy, not much explosion nor machismo.

And more importantly, its uncharacteristically Intimate.  

What do you expect? It took placein Yoshiwara-The Red light District- afterall.

The curtain raised with Jiraiya, the ex teacher of Tsukuyo, the main villain of this arc, On his post coital glow pondering about his object of creation. After enjoying the service of yoshiwara, He looked at the moon and probably feeling another rush of excitement reminiscing his dear beautiful student and the plan he’d set for her.

Not long after, Tsukuyo feel someone dangerous infiltrating her city. She and her Hyakka squad has been working hard to push down the crime that on the rise after the city lost its night king. Nearing their limit, she turned to Yorozuya, wondering if they can help with the drug problem.

Somehow, Tsukuyo and Gintoki teamed up just the two of them investigating the shady group with spider tattoo trademark. The result was assortment of classic romantic comedy skit : To-Love-Ru type of ‘accident’ and pretend couple.

Ok at this point its just natural that people start to see the two as potential couple. When they bicker they’d scream their heart silly, forgetting  whatever  adult persona they had in mind. Yet when the time come, they play along really well with the others bullshit act. They are on the same frequency already.

Back to the story, Later, they found out the drug lord is Jiraiya who apparently the long dead master (teacher who take care of  protegee under their wing) of Tsukuyo. With his unique ability he nearly killed Gintoki and captured Tsukuyo.

Some Naysayers disappointed at this point because Tsukuyo who supposedly a good fighter became useless in front of jiraiya. Ok let me use this opportunity to explain the technicality of how that’s possible.

She was shocked.

It was a surprise attack

Jiraiya, knew his student fighting ability the best and knew how to immobilize her.

Even Gintoki Almost killed because of his weird technique

She used the last of her strength to saved gintoki from jiraiya’s final blow.

“Huh? But gintoki didn’t turned into a useless mess when he met his long dead master alive?”

Lol what are you smoking? The old master  would split gintoki’s head from his body if not because Kagura’s help.  Also Utsuro/Shouyo goal was to crushed the rebels and nothing to do with Gintoki. While Jiraiya’s goal was to capture Tsukuyo. Understand the difference?  

Ok now that its out of my system lets continue.

Later Gintoki learned about the nature of Jiraiya and what this student-master relationship actually are from Zenzou. She-who believed every word of him and followed his foot step- was his creation and his prey at the same time. This method is sickening for Gintoki who loved his master to death.

For Gintoki a master should be more or less like shoyo. Strong, kind, wise and selfless. The kind of sage who gave his life for his student. Its infuriating to learn that a good women like tsukuyo has a psychotic monster as a master.

“see..Its not because of Tsukuyo that gintoki willingly revert to his shiroyasa self. Its because the master-student thingie that made him mad af”

Was the stuff I read from naysayers.  And for this one, I kinda agree. The main thing that infuriate gintoki about Jiraiya was that he used  master student relationship for some psychotic goal. As we know later, whenever topic about his own master brought on, Gintoki turned into a different beast.

Even I can see this arc’s intent beside telling tsukuyo’s past and cementing her as one of the recurrent character was also to foreshadow  Shoyo related arcs in the future.

However among all of that baggage brought by this arc, theres this one dialogue that caught my attention.

G : "give up already, theres nothing in your web. This entire time there was only a pathetic little spider spinning thread into sky while gazing at distant moon"

J : "What are you babbling about?I already knew that long ago"

The ones who ascociate Tsukuyo with the moon are the one who cherish her like hinowa and the hyakka squad  or the bastard who obsessed at her like Jiraiya. It’s a secret nickname people gave to her beside Shinigami Tayuu / courtesan of death. Wt  

At that  moment, Gintoki  speak about what Tsukuyo is to Jiraiya existence : A moon to a little insignificant spider. This confirm that Gintoki understand Tsukuyo’s epithet-wich means at that point of story he is familiar toward  Tsukuyo more than the viewers aware of.

To add, This is probably just me but the way he said that stuff about Jiraiya, whispering  while gazing at the sky, as if its applied to him aswell.  

Well, I just think that because throughout the fight he keep rambling about being on the same level as Jiraiya.

G: Do you know how to survive the spider nest? By eating the spider.

G : She is stronger than you ever be. A coward like me is enough for a coward like you

To Fight Jiraiya, Gintoki  drew parrarel between himself and Jiraiya. And its not impossible that parrarel extended until that moment.    

I  came to the conclusion At that moment Gintoki  already  admire Tsukuyo. Wether  her virtue, her  face, her quirk  or her phisycal attractiveness, it could be anything. The fact is Tsukuyo basically embodies everything gintoki like in a women.   

However because of his mindset and his self sabotaging lifestyle, he understood Jiraiya’s point of view of admiring an existence that is too good for them.

The episode ended with Tsukuyo learning his master’s past  and accepting his flaw after killing him. The moment when Gintoki implied that he would never be a good student to their master as tsukuyo is pretty touching too.

The last episode of this arc is a short one with majorly comedic skits. Another To Love Ru accident. And  a classic wingman setup to force a couple to be alone together.

Lol too much couply stuff happening in this arc.

Later after the crazy terminator drunken stupor, Tsukuyo asked gintoki if she didn’t has this scar, would her life be any different?

At this point I realize the pain endured by her, even though she said she was fine, physically and mentally, she actually struggling with the realization that all her past was something different than she perceived to be, that rather than genuine student master relationship, its an elaborate plan by her master to kill himself.

Its like realizing that we are adopted after all this time living in a loving family. From the surface it might not changed anything because its all in the past, But it changed everything within. It changed the foundation  of what we stood upon all these time.

Gintoki then assured her that her life is one that she choose, No one make her choose that. wether it’s  driven by a psychotic manipulation or a trust in a teacher who wanted make her strong. The life is still hers to behold and cherish

Gintoki further assured that her face Is not ugly, Its pretty face carrying clean soul. Or something to that effect (since translation vary)

As you see “Soul” is the overarching concept on Gintama. Its like “Adventure” on One piece and “Hard Work” On Naruto. It’s the Idea that the shounen protagonist holds dear.  

Shoyo first teaching to Gintoki was  how to protect his soul. In the war Gintoki choose to kill Shoyo to save his master’s soul. Means he choose Shoyo over his friends and himself. In effect, one of the friend’s soul was corrupted. While Gintoki turned himself into a vessel  whose purpose was merely to protect people he deemed fit and procasinating on his own growth.

Gintoki speak about Tsukuyo’s soul in her face is another testament of how deep their trust and bond has formed. 

Even though Gintoki has innate ability to peek into the human character, its not his fashion to directly address it. He usually find a roundabout way to make the others understand that they are being understood. But with Tsukuyo, everything he do about her  is direct.

“Don’t be a stranger, Lean on me, laugh with me and cry with me. I’d be there, cry and laugh with you ” Said Gintoki to tsukuyo.

 The Gintoki who often avoid emotional baggage from a stranger.

In conclusion, Red Spider Arc is such an awesome arc. The vibe is cool, the soundtrack is awesome and its has an intense emotionally charged action.

I can't remember the last time I was happy.

Scars on my body and stretch marks seeming to mark my skin.

Beauty mark on the left side of my chubby nose.

Hips so wide unlike girls in catalogues

Insecurity broadened inside my heart.

Sizes with double digits call out obesity they say

Dissecting myself and I find unhappiness

The longing for perfection, a symmetrical face

Non crooked teeth so small and unfriendly in my mouth..

Waist size 1000 and an unsaved gratitude for my body

This body that self sabotages itself by hating every part of it.

Mirrors, I cannot stand them because the reflection is myself.

My body is a modern painting, a depiction of just a shape and nothing more, so big it cannot be described in the word beautiful.

A 9 letter word

B e a u t i f u l

How can my body ever be that word.

Self loathing is consuming me and all I know is that the body I reside in is meant to be loved by none other than myself

My red stretch marks should be loved, by me.

My chubby nose and beauty mark should be loved, by me.

My skin should be loved, by me.

My body that sometimes wants to cave in at my insecurities but despite is thick and strong.

Dissect me and find imperfections and unhappiness

A simple woman who asks for nothing more than love for her own body in this small world.