#devirnis

5. "Oh. I didn't notice. I'm... I don't feel very well." + Bucktommy

To be completely honest, Tommy wasn't surprised when he got the call. In fact, he was going to take a lot of joy in telling Evan I told you so at an undetermined date in the near future. Not now. Not when he was already down and out for the count. But soon.

If anyone minded that Tommy double parked in front of the station, no one said. As much as he was fully prepared to give Evan the ultimate I told you so of all I told you so's... There was also an itch beneath his skin that crawled up the back of his neck and wouldn't quit until he could lay eyes on Evan.

“Hey,” Tommy said as he spotted Chimney in the ambulance bay.

“Hey!” Chimney’s eyes lit up as he waved him in. “Thanks for coming. I would’ve called Maddie but she’s on shift.”

The thought of anyone else being where Tommy was standing made something coarse twist in his chest. It was amazing what a few near death experiences and an adorable blue eyed reincarnation of his own personal sun could do to a guy. It was the same firehouse where the mere thought of anyone even hinting at his sexuality would’ve sent Tommy running only a few years earlier. Maybe a few months earlier even. But that had more to do with the intensity of the ache in his chest from all his own deep insecurities prodding at him than being outed.

He fell for Evan Buckley hard and fast and it was terrifying still.

But Tommy wasn’t running. At least not away and he didn’t intend to do so again any time soon.

“Thanks for calling,” Tommy said instead. “I tried to tell him this morning but you know.”

He had. Multiple times. In multiple different versions throughout his house as Evan slugged through his morning routine trying to get to his shift on time.

Chimney snorted as he nodded.

“Buck’s got to Buck.” Chimney popped his gum between his molars as he led Tommy through the station. “Hey, do me a favor. I don’t love the sound of his lungs but there isn’t anything worth sending him to the ER for yet. Just keep any eye out and keep me updated?”

The tedious balance between humor and worry tipped further on the scale as Tommy nodded.

Something must have shown on his face because Chimney waved a hand as if to displace the slinking cobwebs of doubt that had crept into Tommy’s mind.

“I don’t think it’s anything some antibiotics and rest won’t fix. Probably just something he picked up when he fell into the drink last shift.”

Right. The rescue at the pier where their teams had crossed paths assisting the 133. Harbor station hadn’t arrive until after the incident where one victim had panicked and shoved Evan right off the pier giving nearly everyone a heart attack in the process before he resurfaced and held up a thumbs up to them. But Tommy had been able to sneak aside his wet pouting boyfriend shivering beneath a rescue blanket for a quick kiss to try and make it better.

Evan had said he was fine. He’d said that Hen and Chimney had looked him over and then Eddie after their shift had ended. He’d said he was fine.

A pit opened up in Tommy’s stomach as he stepped in to the bunk room and spotted him in the corner.

Evan’s long legs were curled up tight to his chest beneath a blanket that was still too small for his long frame. The fanning of his eyelashes shadowed against his pale face, splotchy with pink from the fever that was raging through his body and the thinnest wheeze whistled past his lips on his every exhale.

“Thanks Howie,” Tommy said quietly. “I’ll keep you posted.”

“Let me know if you need help getting him to the truck.” Chimney said in parting before he closed the door behind him.

Tommy sucked on his cheek as he stepped over to Evan’s bunk and bent down sit on the bed. Evan barely stirred, only curling into Tommy like he was the only source of warmth he knew even subconsciously.

“Evan,” Tommy said softly, sweeping his fingers through loose curls. “Time to wake up sleepy head.”

Evan’s face scrunched in annoyance before he tried to burrow away in the blankets his fist had pulled up to his nose.

“Hey,” Tommy said and tried not to frown at the harsher wheeze that fell from Evan’s lips as he exhaled. “C’mon baby.”

The full body trembling only seemed to rocket up in frequency as a bleary eye opened into a slit to stare up at him.

“Hey you.” Tommy smiled and settled his hand on Evan’s scalp, rubbing his thumb in circles at his temples.

“T-my?” Evan croaked before a congested cough rattled its way up through his chest. “Mm’Doing here?”

“Taking you home.”

A frown twisted on Evan’s pink plump lips. “I still got a shift.”

“Yeah,” Tommy said with a shake of his head. “That shipped sailed a while ago. Your teeth are chattering, babe.”

The mention of his trembling only seemed to make them worse and Tommy already regretted not bringing in his hoodie from the truck.

“Oh. I didn't notice. I'm...” Evan rolled his lips together like he didn’t know how to use them anymore. The fever blazing off him was already sending Tommy’s blood pressure through the roof. He didn’t think anything else could pierce through the armor surrounding his chest cavity until watery, tired, vulnerable blue eyes stared up at him in dawning defeat. “I don't feel very well."

Tommy pushed back his hair and leaned down to press a kiss to his temple. “I know. But I’m here to take you home now.”

Evan groaned as he tried to curl into Tommy like he could shield him from the rest of the world. God, only knew how hard he tried to do just that sometimes.

“Don’t think I can walk that far.” It was a quiet confession. One that was blanketed with humor to hide the vulnerability beneath it.

Tommy heard it anyway.

“‘S okay,” Tommy said. “I can carry you.”

He back wouldn’t thank him. Not for the distance it would take to get Evan from the bunk room to his truck. But he’d do it.

And Buck smiled, small and tired, but a smile all the same.

The Shadows of Every Spark by devirnis (@devirnis)

Buddie | 22k | Teen

Chimney clears his throat lightly. “Uh, Cap? We have a customer who wants to order the daily special.”

The daily special that doesn’t exist. Because no one comes into this place to eat because this restaurant isn’t real.

CNC fic is like 90% kinky smut that is also, like, a meditation on eddie and desire and the way he works around and toward his desires, especially the ones he's ashamed of, and also how much loves and trusts buck and is loved and cared for in return. by way of role-playing a pretty violent noncon fantasy, as one does. i also think what eddie gets out of this is very similar, emotionally, to what he got out of the fight club stuff: the adrenaline, the sense of being pushed to his limits, in this case by someone he trusts.

a small (non-explicit) snippet:

Something creaks at the far end of the house. Past the kitchen, down the hall, in the darkened living room where the shades are drawn against the night. Eddie freezes, holding his breath, his heart rabbiting in his throat. Another creak. A footstep this time, unmistakable. As he watches, a shadow moves in front of the windows, then pauses.

postcards fic i talked about a little bit here, but it's essentially me trying to work out what it would look like if buck were the one to cut and run and try (at least temporarily) to leave everything behind. i'm not really interested in making it into a woobie buck runs into a cave and breaks his ankle type of fic, but i think s8 leaves him at a pretty interesting place in terms of being reluctant to seek support from the people who love him, even (or tbh especially) eddie. so i'm sort of poking at that.

He learned to drive stick from a girl he dated briefly in Máncora, insamuch as anything Buck was doing back then could be called dating. It's been a while, though, and he stalls out a couple of times on his way back to the motel, jolting at red lights, until he remembers the knack of easing off the clutch, feeling for it.  There's a rack of postcards next to the front desk, most of them dusty, sun-faded.

Jon watched from the head table as Sansa twirled in Robb’s arms, her wedding dress floating around her beautifully. Her red hair in intricate braids swishing behind her as Robb twirled her again. God, she was gorgeous. How did he ever get so lucky?

Growing up with the Starks had been interesting. He wasn’t family but he might as well have been, they took him in after his parents died in a car crash when he was little. As he got older he found himself developing feelings for Sansa and had panicked. He was totally convinced that she only saw him as an older brother or as a friend, but she had surprised him the night of his twenty-fifth birthday, her present to him being a kiss. They had been together ever since.

And now they were married.

Jon watched his wife as Ned stole her from Robb for the father-daughter dance, his heart warm. God he was happy. Sansa caught his eye and gave him a wide smile. He winked back at her and then got up, ready to steal his wife for a dance of his own.

Thanks!

1. How many books did you read this year?

125! I’m very pleased with myself

3. What were your top five books of the year?

Blood Over Bright Haven by ML Wang

Witchcraft for Wayward Girls by Grady Hendrix

A Novel Love Story by Ashley Poston

Bat Eater and Other Names for Cora Zeng by Kylie Lee Baker

The Storied Life of AJ Fikry by Gabrielle Zevin

12. Any books that disappointed you?

I already answered this with Cold Eternity by SA Barnes but actually I have another: Say You’ll Remember Me by Abby Jimenez. I actually still liked this reasonably well but Abby Jimenez is one of my favorite authors, and this book just did not live up to what I was expecting from her.

listen my plan here is to convert all my mutuals to robron fans because it worked with @mellaithwen and now she’s as obsessed as meeeee

Buck wakes with a snort, thoughts muddy and slow as he tries to think through the haze of sleep still settled heavily over his mind. He shifts, shoving his face into the sleep warm fabric of his pillow as he tries to remember what woke him up. He’s already drifting again, whatever it was that woke him already slipping away with his consciousness as he sinks back against his sheets.  There’s a loud thump on the stairs.  Buck shoots up in bed, shoulder screaming with the sudden movement, and all traces of sleep burned away by the jolt of adrenaline in his veins. He strains to hear anything over the thump of his pulse in his throat and the roaring of blood in his ears.  There’s another loud thump followed by a muffled curse. Buck sags against the bed, relief flooding through his limbs at the familiar voice. He runs a hand over his face, before rubbing at his sternum like he’ll be able to soothe the rabbit beat of his heart.  “Eddie?” Buck asks, voice thick with sleep. Wincing, his still healing shoulder aching in protest of its mistreatment — he pushes himself up to watch just as Eddie emerges at the top of the stairs with a disgruntled expression as he rubs at his shin.  “Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you,” Eddie murmurs, a sheepish smile tugging on his lips as he makes his way to the bed, already shuffling out of his jeans. He pauses to step out of them before pulling his shirt over his head and perching on the edge of the mattress.  Buck hums appreciatively at the sight before tipping his head back expectantly. The press of Eddie’s lips against his is warm and soft, his stubble a delicious rasp against Buck’s skin. But Eddie pulls away before Buck can deepen the kiss into something other than a sweet hello. Buck pouts, but Eddie just swipes the pad of his thumb over his bottom lip.  “What are you doing here?” Buck asks, reaching out to capture Eddie’s hand in his own, tangling their fingers together.  It’s not like he minds Eddie’s presence — the day he complains about seeing his boyfriend is the day he loses his mind. But he’s still surprised. He knows that Eddie is coming off a 24 hour shift, and Buck hadn’t been planning on seeing him until tomorrow afternoon for their lunch date.  Eddie clutches at his chest, mock offended. “What? You don’t want me here?”  Buck snorts, shoving at Eddie’s thigh before flopping back in bed. “Don’t be a dick.”  The sheets rustle as Eddie crawls the rest of the way onto the bed, settling in the place next to Buck like it had been made for him. Like he’s being pulled in by a gravitational pull, Buck turns into Eddie, shoving his face into the crook of Eddie’s neck. Inhaling, Buck can feel the tension he hadn’t even realized he was holding melt away. The scent of smoke still clings to Eddie’s skin and Buck chases it, tucking his nose against his boyfriend’s pulse point. Eddie chuckles, arms wrapping around Buck, but mindful to not put too much pressure on his shoulder.  “I wanted to check up on you. How’s your shoulder?”  Buck pulls back enough to squint up at Eddie. “My shoulder is the same it was when you texted me a few hours ago. You didn’t have to come all the way out here to hear that.”  “Fine,” Eddie says with a fondly exasperated huff. “I missed you.”  Oh.  “Well…I missed you too.” Buck tilts his chin up to catch another kiss from Eddie.  “I also missed your bed,” Eddie murmurs against Buck’s lips.  With an indignant squawk, Buck slaps at Eddie’s chest and his boyfriend shakes with laughter. “I can still kick you out.”

“buck, wait—” eddie says, just as buck steps fully into the storage room and the door clicks shut.

“—the door’s gonna lock,” he finishes on a sigh.

“i know,” buck says, and grins at him. “they all know where we went, they’ll figure out we got locked in. someone’s gonna come let us out.”

eddie frowns. “you did this on purpose?”

buck steps closer, reaching out to slip his fingers through eddie’s belt loops and use them to pull him closer. “i missed you,” he murmurs into eddie’s ear, so close his lips brush the shell of it.

“i’ve been with you the whole shift,” eddie says, but he cups buck’s cheek with one hand and smoothes his thumb along the edges of buck’s birthmark. “but i know what you mean.”

“so i got us some time,” buck says, and leans into kiss him. eddie melts against him, fingers tangling in the hair at the back of his head, and buck lets himself get lost in it. there’s no storage room, no fire station, no shift to get back to, there’s only eddie. eddie’s chest pressed to his, eddie’s mouth on his as familiar to him as his own name. the scrape of eddie’s stubble after almost an entire twenty-four, the way eddie holds him like he’s some kind of miracle, every time, no matter how long it’s been.

buck slips leg between eddie’s, teasing, and eddie groans. “we—we can’t,” he says between breaths that come a little too fast. “not at—what if they open the door and see?”

“then we tell them,” buck says, pressing a kiss to the corner of eddie’s mouth, and then sighs. “no, i know. we can’t tell them.”

“i hate it, too,” eddie says, his fingers tracing haphazard patterns across the back of buck’s neck. “but we can’t risk one of us getting fired. or transferred.”

buck sighs again. “i know,” he murmurs. “but i love you. i just want to be able to tell people that.”

“i love you, too,” eddie says. “we’ll figure it out. i promise.”

“i know,” buck says again. “and in the meantime…” he kisses the side of eddie’s throat, the pulse point he knows eddie likes. eddie’s breath catches.

“buck,” eddie hisses. “they could open the door at any minute.”

“fine,” buck sighs. “okay, you stay here, and i’m going to go sit on that bench over there.” the room isn’t large, but there’s enough space for them to sit at opposite ends and not touch.

and it works for a bit, but—

when the door to the storage room opens some minutes later, eddie is straddling buck’s lap with three of his shirt buttons undone and the hem pulled out of his pants, buck’s hands splayed against the bare skin of his back. buck’s shirt is gone entirely, and there’s a fresh mark just below his collarbone.

buck looks up at bobby, and realises that his bottom lip is kiss-bitten and probably bright red.

“well,” bobby says, careful to keep his eyes fixed somewhere above buck’s head. “looks like there’s some things we need to talk about.” he wedges a mop bucket into the doorway so the door can’t lock again, then glances at their state of undress and quickly away. “why don’t you two meet me in my office when you’re, uh. ready.”

buck rests his forehead against eddie’s shoulder, letting his own slump. this is it, then.

but before bobby turns to head back downstairs, he calls out one last thing. “you don’t need to look so worried. we’ll figure something out.”