#denobulans

[Images © CBS/Paramount]

Best moments

Let’s just see where it goes Phlox, for better or for worse, serves as Trek’s most prominent representation of a person in a healthy polyamorous relationship. We learn in “Dear Doctor” that he has three wives, who each have two other husbands, and we have to applaud the eponymous dear doctor when he is fully honest and transparent about his romantic situation with a totally game Crewman Cutler.

Duck Season! Rabbit Season! A few episodes after Phlox condemns an alien race to death (more on that in the Worst Moments list), Phlox evidently changes his mind on interfering with the evolution of sentient species in “Rogue Planet.” And good thing too, because he’s able to create a masking agent that saves the wraiths from being brutally killed by those pesky hunters.

The one with the waggly tail Though there’s a lot to dislike about “A Night in Sickbay,” you’ve got to give some credit to Phlox for going above and beyond in helping to cure Porthos of the disease he picked up on the Kreetassans’ planet. The doctor doesn’t even understand why someone would care enough to invest energy in curing a simple animal, but he still pulls out all the stops in getting the puppy on his four feet.

Doctor-patient confidentiality I’ve got to admit that I totally expected Phlox to blab to the Vulcans onboard in “Stigma” that T’Pol has Pa’nar syndrome and was pleasantly surprised when he didn’t (it was that loose-tongued Yuris who totally spills the beans!). Granted, his attempt to weasel information out of the Vulcans failed laughably, but Phlox respects his patients’ privacy. This time, at least…

Antaran Lives Matter First off, there were better ways to have written an episode like “The Breach,” because Phlox doesn’t develop at all as a character during it. It turns out all his growth was done years ago and he just tells us about it. But hey, at least it’s nice to know that there are anti-racist Denobulans out there who can treat an Antaran like Hudak like a person despite societal racism!

I have no intention of turning into one of those cybernetic creatures Not only does Phlox effectively cure being assimilated into a Borg in “Regeneration” (someone inform Janeway!), but he also treats his infection with the seriousness it deserves. When Hoshi offers to sit with him, he warns her away in case he suddenly turns. He even concocts a neural toxin to kill him in case his cure doesn’t work, all to make sure the Borginess doesn’t spread.

It’s as if it never existed at all I’ve tried to consciously not to include mere instances that were literally Phlox doing his job as a physician, but this one’s worth mentioning. Maybe it’s just because I like the episode “Twilight,” but it’s also commendable to see Phlox dedicate himself so selflessly to curing Archer’s amnesia in such a very clever way, and it ends up resetting the timeline, so everyone wins!

I don’t just remember Trip’s childhood, I remember mine We’ll get to all the horrible things Phlox does in “Similitude” in a second, but for the moment, let’s just appreciate that the doctor’s rapport with Sim as he grew up was very sweet. It was probably aided by the fact that the mimetic simbiot grew up in three days, so parenting couldn’t have been very hard, but we got the impression that Phlox is indeed a proud papa.

Only the lonely (dum-dum-dum-dumdy-doo-wah) I’d give Phlox more credit for surviving the anomaly and getting the ship through safely while the crew was all comatose in “Doctor’s Orders” if it weren’t just a carbon copy of “One” with Phlox swapped for Seven of Nine. But if you forget that all other Star Trek exists and view this in a vacuum, it’s a good episode for Phlox! And he takes great care of Porthos!

This is between you and your doctor One more example of Phlox executing doctor-patient confidentiality, which should be a low bar for a physician to achieve and you’ll see why I’m bringing that up when you get to the Worst Moments list. But he definitely performs in accordance with medical ethics in “Damage” when T’Pol comes to him because of her trellium-d addiction and he helps her without blabbing!

No wonder you erase memories. Your behavior is appalling. Phlox tries his darnedest all through “Observer Effect” to save Trip and Hoshi (without the use of Lyssarrian desert larvae even!) when we all know it’s a fool’s errand. But his best moment here comes when he meets the Organians who are testing humanity and he absolutely cusses them out for the immoral bullshit they are engaging in! You get ‘em, doc!

I’m certain there are easier ways for you to recruit a new lab assistant Probably the best I’ve personally seen Phlox comes way toward the end of the series in “Affliction” and “Divergence.” When captured by Klingons and forced to create augment Klingons, Phlox initially stands his ground and would rather die than perfect augments. But then he works with Dr. Antaak to trick General K’Vagh into curing their admittedly idiotic augment virus instead!

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Worst moments

Have you smelled Ensign Socorro after she exercises? One of the earliest impressions we get of Phlox gives him a creeper reputation, and that’s in “Fight or Flight” when he’s peeping on Crewmen Bennett and Haynem, assuming that they intend to mate, and pondering if they’d let him watch. So right after the pilot, he’s already on my bad side as some kind of tactless pervert. Oh and he also sniffs the crew. Red flag!

Grand Theft Celery This one’s become a sort of running gag on the podcast, but it’s also another example of Phlox rubbing us the wrong way. This man is a serial celery thief. For some obstreperous reason, he finds it socially acceptable to steal food off of other people’s plates, as we see in “The Andorian Incident.” If you’re thinking he just doesn’t know human customs yet, well, he does it again in “Shadows of P’Jem”!

Would you care to recite the Invocation of Renewal with us? This one’s my bias seeping through, but there’s something squicky about watching Phlox lead someone else’s culture in their invocation in “Cold Front.” It could all have been fixed with a word swap! The pilgrim leader doesn’t ask Phlox to “lead” their prayer; he says “recite with us.” And yet Phlox is presumptuous enough to make it all about him and start narrating on his own.

That’s not how it works... that’s not how any of this works! All these examples have been tenuous at best so far, but here’s undoubtedly the worst thing Phlox ever does. The ethics displayed in “Dear Doctor” are just atrocious, as Phlox refuses to help cure the Valakians of their disease even though he’s already solved it and even though the Prime Directive doesn’t even exist yet. But worse than genocide through inaction and then patting himself on the back for it is how Phlox justifies it to Archer with a definition of evolution that is an affront to science. I could never forgive Phlox after this episode for this wrongheadedness alone.

Eye of newt, wool of bat, and toenails of Phlox While we can still be gracious to Phlox for saving Porthos in “A Night in Sickbay,” for the entire rest of that episode he is utterly insufferable. Is he this obnoxious when he’s got a sapient patient in sickbay? Why can’t he loudly clip his toes or scrape his tongue or chase the bat around in his own quarters when Archer is trying to sleep? And then to suggest to the captain that he’s got a thing for T’Pol, as if she doesn’t get it from every angle already. Shut! Up! Phlox!

Has she offered to give you a rose petal bath? You know how we were giving Phlox credit for a normalized portrayal of polygamy in “Dear Doctor”? Well all that goes out the window in “Stigma” when his wife Feezal sets her sights on Trip. Phlox creepily tries to push Trip into banging his wife, as if being poly were now mandatory, even though it’s obvious that her constant sexual assault is making him uncomfortable.

Let’s all go to the lobby I get it, pally, that you don’t have movies on your home planet, but when you’re watching something for movie night, do you see anyone else talking incessantly through the flick? Read the room, jerkbag. We see in “Horizon” that he just can’t shut his damn mouth while watching a movie with a bunch of crewmates who are trying to enjoy the show and T’Pol has to shush him!

Sue this man for malpractice By season three, we’ve stopped using the decon chamber as a peepshow and need to get our jollies somewhere else, so Phlox decides to totally lie to Tucker, give him a placebo instead of the drugs he prescribed, and then force T’Pol to practice Vulcan neuropressure on Trip (which is NOT her job) in “The Xindi,” all so the fanboys can wank to Jolene Blalock with her top off some more. It’s offensive and juvenile and sexist and I blame Phlox for all of it.

Soylent green is Sim! While we were a little harsh on Janeway for how she treated Tuvix, his existence came about through an accident. But Phlox creating Sim in “Similitude” was on purpose and it’s morally all over the place. Not only does he opt to create sapient life just to harvest his organs, but he specifically omits telling Archer that creating simbiots with Lyssarrian larvae is banned AND that there might be a way to extend Sim’s lifespan, which is still lying, dude!

Her body, Phlox’s choice So we gave Phlox credit above for not outing T’Pol’s Pa’nar syndrome or trellium-d addiction at various points in the series, but here’s an example of him just bypassing doctor-patient confidentiality entirely. In “Chosen Realm,” he treats Indava’s request for an abortion with surprising respect, especially for the time, but then he goes and tattles to Archer right after! Not cool.

A mind is a terrible thing to lose While the whole deception gambit in “Stratagem” made the Archer bad list with much gusto, we’ve got to ream Phlox out a little bit for it too. Not only did he perform the memory wipe (those things are always questionable in their ethics!), but it was all his idea in the first place! These men are supposed to be the heroes of the show and they’re messing with Degra’s brain!

I can’t blame those men for the way they reacted The writers missed a trick in handling Phlox’s attack by racists in “Home.” The yokels who start the bar brawl are just plain xenophobes. And yet after the show’s 9/11 season, Phlox outright states that it’s okay to racially profile people because of the circumstances. Uh, no, it’s not. And what a terrible excuse to justify racism in the early 2000s. Unpuff your stupid face and tell us these people are assholes because they are.

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