#similitude

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[Images © CBS/Paramount]

Trip x Ah’len

Trip Tucker definitely gets the most play throughout the series, and for good reason. Connor Trinneer is just so charming and handsome that it seemed only natural. So when the first action we see on the show is accidental impregnation in “Unexpected,” it’s… it’s just weird. Ah’len and he were just having an innocent sorta-date and they didn’t even touch each other, but instead things just get weird!

Jonathan Archer x Riaan

The closest we really see Archer get to being the chick magnet of shows past comes when he meets the incredibly open-minded Riaan in “Civilization.” If she didn’t end up being into it, I’d say it was uncomfortable that he just starts kissing her to keep her from hearing the universal translator that was glitching, but I guess this chick is about as interested in alien strange as Lanel was in TNG (okay, no one’s as interested as her).

Phlox x Cutler

Speaking of alien strange, we learn Cutler has an unusual interest in Phlox in “Dear Doctor.” We’re not big Phlox lovers on this podcast so we can’t entirely figure out what could possibly be appealing about that genocidal maniac, so we’re actually very happy that he’s upfront with her about the intrinsic openness of his marriages so that she can decide just how deep she wants to get… and now I’ve just grossed myself out.

Trip x Liana

Much easier on the eyes is the cute little flirtation between Trip and Liana in “Oasis.” Sure, she’s about as sheltered and naive as Rayna from TOS’s “Requiem for Methuselah” or Kes from just about all of Voyager, so it’s tough to say how much agency this girl ever has, but Trip treats her with dignity and compassion and ice cream, so we’re more okay with this one.

Jonathan Archer x Keyla

Just to throw Archer another bone, let’s see how he fairs in “Two Days and Two Nights” with Keyla. We’re on Risa, so everyone is expecting a little action of the horizontal nature, and you can see Jon nearly falling for this femme fatale’s ruse, but in the end he sees it’s all this Tandaran woman’s ploy to get more information about the Suliban Cabal. You were this close, Jon! 

Hoshi Sato x Ravis

One sole crewmember from the Enterprise got some Risan action in “Two Days and Two Nights” and it’s the one you’d least expect. We actually give the show a lot of credit for depicting Hoshi’s cute little fling with Ravis as something uncomplicated, unjudgeworthy, and entirely consensual. It’s just two adorable nerds having a nice time with each other after learning each other’s native tongues. What else they do with those tongues is their own business.

Trip x Kaitaama

Probably at the bottom of our romance list is “Precious Cargo,” all for reasons we’ve definitely discussed before. Somehow, casting has found a woman even Connor Trinneer doesn’t have chemistry with, something we thought impossible. The dynamic between the two characters is all wrong as there’s really nothing compelling about this prissy First Monarch who treats Trip like garbage. It wasn’t sexual tension. It was genuine discomfort! At least they’re both so pretty.

Phlox x Feezal

Remember how we were giving Phlox some props before about being forthcoming with Cutler so she could make her own decision about pursuing a relationship? I take some of it back. While Phlox and Feezal as a married couple seem like an actually great match who support each other, I can never shake how gross it is in “Stigma” for them to keep insisting Trip and Feezal get down to clown. The man said no already! Stop forcing the issue!

Malcolm Reed x Veylo

Poor poor Reed gets nearly no action all show long even though he claims up and down that he had little black books full of women from his youth. We at least see in “Cogenitor” that he has the capacity to talk to Veylo, the Vissian who sets her sights on him and starts to teach him the Vissian ways of love, which evidently starts with cheese, moves to the bedroom, and then ends with dinner. Well, as long as cheese is involved!

T’Pol x Sim

Sim was only with us for a few days and yet his presence leaves such an impact. Without him admitting to T’Pol that he has a little crush on her in “Similitude” (and assumably, so does Trip), where would the rest of the show had gone? It’s so tragic that the poor clone can’t stay with us because he’s such a compelling concept, and it definitely ends up putting an idea in T’Pol’s head for the rest of the series!

Trip x Amanda Cole

Before we get to the good stuff though, we have to wade through a relationship that was only added to make the other party jealous. Trip and Cole in “Harbinger” are… fine, but it’s clear she’s way more into him than he is her because the show is setting up the real meaty will-they-won’t-they relationship in the next item. And then Cole up and vanishes entirely, proving that she was not a character. She was a plot device.

Trip x T’Pol

Finally, the ship all the Tri'Pol fans are here for! These hotties aren’t just easy on the eyes, but they also really balance each other out. T’Pol can claim all she likes that she only hooked up with him in “Harbinger” as an experiment, but you can tell there is more to it. When they refuse to acknowledge their attraction and Trip flees the ship (and his feelings!) in “The Aenar,” it’s a bit childish, but they come back full circle by “Bound” and “Terra Prime” when their mourning together over baby Elizabeth is some absolutely stunning acting. These two just click.

Jonathan Archer x Erika Hernandez

Captain Hernandez is a cool lady on her own, and just happens to be one of Archer’s past forays whom he reconnects with in “Home.” You get the sense that it’s a tryst of convenience since Archer has been brooding all episode long and needs somewhere to put all these darned feelings that he’s had pent up since getting back from the Delphic Expanse. There’s not more to it after this one even though Hernandez is still, ya know, around.

T’Pol x Koss

Way back in “Breaking the Ice,” T’Pol put off her engagement to Koss because she effectively picked Starfleet over him. She opts to go on with the marriage in “Home” to try to save face for her family after all the Starfleet hijinks bit her in the bum. Eventually Koss does help the Enterprise crew out in “Kir’Shara,” which reflects that he’s a nice enough guy, but their relationship really only aims to shine a light on how T’Pol really would prefer Trip.

Jonathan Archer x Navaar

The list was short enough I felt like including this ruse of a relationship from “Bound” even though it barely qualifies. The Orion women are really only here to deceive all the men and cast love spells on them (been a while since we’ve seen some love drugs!). It’s really gross all around, and just adds yet another time that we see Archer get tricked by women. And we didn’t even talk about Rajiin!

Travis Mayweather x Gannet Brooks

We’ve made it to the final example we felt like including and it’s yet more manipulation! The whole Gannet subplot in “Demons” and “Terra Prime” is barely fleshed out, but hey, at least it provided something for Mayweather to do! I mean, how often can we say that? These two do seem to actually like each other, so who can even tell where the romance ends and the deception begins?

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