#feezal

[images © Paramount/CBS]

“Bachelor Number Fun”

By Caitlin

Random Main Character Pick(s): Reed, Trip Character Draft Picks: Feezal, Tarah

Malcolm had wanted to get his life together ever since he had met his future self and found he was still utterly alone.

So when Trip had suggested putting together some game shows (like they had in the 20th century), Malcolm leapt at the chance to be a contestant on The Dating Game.

He sat in a chair, dressed in his finest, while behind a screen sat three potential dates. His role was to ask questions to determine who would be his ideal match.

Mayweather was hosting (both because of his charming good looks, and because he frankly got left out of a lot of the ship’s shenanigans), and he introduced the show to the audience - made up of the entire crew.

“Bachelor number one,” said Malcolm (thank goodness they had done away with most gendered language in the 23rd century!). “What would your ideal first date be?”

“I think an intimate evening together, a coffee date at a quiet, dark cafe, followed by a romantic concert… Anything that gives us a chance to learn about each other and appreciate each other in beauty,” came the response.

“Very nice,” Malcolm said appreciatively. “I love that answer… Bachelor number two, same question.”

“Ideally, we’d begin by destroying our enemies, and would then celebrate by roasting meat on an open flame, and feed each other with our bare hands.”

“Certainly an… intriguing first date,” said Malcolm, suddenly very afraid of Bachelor number two. “Bachelor number three, same question.”

“Well,” drawled the third voice. “I’d like to cook my date my favorite meal, fried catfish, mashed potatoes and collard greens. Then, we’d watch a classic film and cuddle up together. Maybe something scary, so I could hold you if you were afraid.”

Malcolm smiled in spite of himself. The voice was charming and friendly, and he knew he could trust that person with his life.

After a few more questions, Malcolm was somewhat embarrassed to ask, “uh, Bachelor number one - we’ve been seeing each other for some time, and things have gotten hot and heavy. What would your ideal first time - uh, making whoopee - be like?”

“Well, the first time we make love, I'd want it to be somewhere quiet and private, so that when we reach our climaxes, We can be free with the pleasure we feel,” purred Bachelor number One. “Oh, and I'd want to make sure there was plenty of seating - my five husbands will want to watch. Maybe even if join, if you're comfortable with that.”

“I’m… not sure about that, but I appreciate your candor,” stammered Malcolm, now completely terrified of Bachelor number One. “Bachelor Number two - same question.”

“After we’ve defeated our enemies, still covered in their cooling blood,” growled Bachelor Number Two. “We throw ourselves onto the floor of an ice cave and ravish each other.”

He was definitely afraid of Bachelor Number Two. “Uh… Bachelor Number Three, same question, please.”

“Well… I don’t know that there’s a one size fits all answer here,” said Bachelor Number Three. “I think when the moment is right, you just know. And then you go where the spirit takes ya.”

“Well, that’s just about all the time we have,” said Mayweather. “Malcolm, who do you choose for your very special date for a private dinner prepared by Chef?”

He didn’t even need a second to consider. “Everyone seems lovely,” he said, diplomatic, “but I have to go with… Bachelor Number Three.”

“Congratulations, Bachelor Number Three!” crowed Mayweather. “Before we bring him out, let’s see who you didn’t choose!”

Bachelor Number One, it turns out, was none other than Feezal, one of Phlox’s many wives (and certainly his most comely, by his own reckoning); Bachelor Number Two was Tarah, an Andorian the Enterprise crew had once encountered when they were teamed up with Shran.

“And now,” said Mayweather, hardly able to suppress a smile, “let’s meet your date!”

And of course, Bachelor Number Three was… Trip. Malcolm felt giddy. It should have always been Trip. He stood, and the two men embraced. 

Maybe now, Malcolm though, the future would be brighter. Maybe now, 20 years from now, he wouldn’t be alone.

-Fin-

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