#debunking

we start off strong with the front cover, which is titled with:

JVP Haggadah 5784/2024 EXODUS FROM ZIONISM

on the first actual page, we are immediately met with this:

ok, my hebrew is not fantastic, but im like 80% sure this is grammatically incorrect. wouldnt you say chag pesach sameach? at least im willing to admit im unsure. unlike jvp's editors.

excuse me???????

this line is taken out of context on purpose. because the jokes write themselves.

listen, im specializing in zoology, not botany, but im pretty sure strawberries are not native to gaza. also spoon??? is that for me bc reading this takes most of mine????

i thought this was a passover seder????

we are NOT beating the rich jews with international money and dual loyalties allegations.

oh no. im going to intentionally cut the words off the moment it starts to sound like satire

"Q1: Why is this Passover different than other Passovers? Genocide." cutoff "Q2: Why do we eat bitter herbs / maror on this Passover-amidst genocide? This is a time for mourning. Not celebration. White phosphorus;" cutoff "Q3: Why do we dip twice this Passover? Palestinians are starving and they are gunned down waiting for flour. They are thirsty and do not have access to potable water. Adding salt to water is an insult in times of blockade," cutoff "Q4: Why do we use pillows and recline on Pesach during mass displacement? How can we recline while millions of" cutoff.

yeah because jews have never had a passover while experiencing a genocide before right. this is just... completely not what passover is about lmao

kid 1: michael scott (sounds like he wrote this) kid 2: ben shapiro (owning the libs, the freethinker he is) (i do not like ben shapiro i am making fun of him) kid 3: matt bernstein kid 4: me at 15 when my friends gave me the good jew/bad jew litmus test

next we have a poem! by poet Basman Aldirawi. his instagram feed is mostly AI generated images of cartoon violence. and this:

this is who JVP decided to feature in a Haggadah. they featured a man who celebrates the slaughter and rape and kidnapping of jews (within the 24 hours of it happening.) for a holiday about jews escaping being murdered. the poem features lines about cooking with blood. which is literally medieval blood libel. awesome

ok next theres a template of a letter to write to jewish community establishments. i dont think i have to tell you what the letter is for. theres also one to send to the new york times. im sure they read them all

and now. i present to you: the 10 spiritual plagues of genocidal zionism. by nomy lamm who is actually a prominent figure in feminist punk circles which upsets me. but also shes annoying as hell

next up: a "multi religious" spiritual healer manages to make "dayenu" an even more annoying song than it already was:

(by the way. i know we are talking about a religious holiday, but i would advise you to stay away from any sort of faith healer who charges money. its scammy pseudoscience. please see an actual therapist for counseling or go talk to a rabbi if you need spiritual guidance.)

okay blah blah blah boring pages that are just mistranslations and unrelated topics and tacky rewritten versions of ancient traditional prayers

more attempts at squeezing money out of (((their))) pockets. i pinch pennies so hard the us government had to stop making them. be so serious jvp lots of jews are broke as hell

now the tzedak-i mean tikkun olam box. i know yall were interested in this one.

yes, dear reader, jewish voice for peace has just claimed that "tzedakah" is zionist propaganda.

moving on.

they literally ask you to invent new history. they ask you to revise history. this is ridiculous

third cup of wine is turned into a workers rights manifesto. im sure marx would have loved that

more terrible poetry

fourth cup of wine is worse:

"As part of our search forJewishness beyond Zionism and as we head towards the end of the seder, and further into the ongoing Nakba, into the khurbn ‘aza [destruction of Gaza], we ask: is this a holiday of liberation? Can this be a holiday of liberation when it rests upon the fantasy of a divine land grant and colonial project whose death toll this winter we already cannot count? When the story it tells (both in its broad arc and specific gestures) is part of what feeds the genocide? Can this be a holiday of liberation when the mass slaughter of children is (as many progressive Haggadotes depict it) “an escalation of tactics”? Can this be a holiday of liberation when the “mighty hand and outstretched arm” that supposedly bring freedom are the same force that ten times over prevents escape from the narrow place, through plague, environmental devastation, and massacre? None of these are incidental details that can be reinterpreted away. Removing ten drops does not make a full glass of wine into less of a celebration; it just provides the thinnest of emotional alibis. These genocide warrants, these celebrations of genocide, these acts that enable more genocide, are the core of the story."

yeah we are supposed to be atoning for the death of the firstborn egyptians or something i dont even fucking know what theyre on about

holy fucking shit dude. holy shit. holy shit. jews oppressing greeks. holy shit. what the hell

ok they turn elijahs cup into some thing about how "the prophet of freedom is absent. seems suspicious"

oh my god another faith healer with zero degrees in fields relating to medicine or mental health care!

i consider myself a jewitch but i am so deeply confused by this. moving on

ok more prayers rewritten by people who are not jewish much less rabbis, more shitty poetry

this is what they have instead of "next year in jerusalem":

okay then the list of contributors! im just gonna list details from a few of their bios i found interesting:

Felipe Ventura "builds community networks while being an unschooling parent to twins"

Ollie Emmes Schwartz is a "lover of shtetlcore as embodied de-assimilation practice."

Rebecca S’manga Frank is a "story-doula committed to radical empathy and collective liberation."

Shula Etta Pesach's work is "dedicated to cultural renewal and ancestral healing for white anti-racists."

Simha 'Simi' Toledano is a "hypnotist, spiritual adviser, ritualist, performer, award winning writer and filmmaker, and heart centered activist for collective liberation."

my notes:

unschooling are you fucking serious???? this is how you end up with teenagers who can't do basic math because their parents didn't put them in school. people raised in this practice literally call it abuse and neglect.

shtetlcore is something i enjoy but can we not act like its some radical movement about de-assimilation? shtetls were impoverished communities ravaged by pogroms and anti-jewish laws. my ancestors were surviving, not thriving.

"story-doula" is a concept that has made me like 10x more sure that i want my tubes tied. radical empathy is a fascinating thing to put in a jvp issued pamphlet.

what culture is being renewed for white anti-racists???????? this is a jumble of words

a hypnotist is exactly who i want writing my Haggadah. awesome. if only i could just hear the word annihilation and shut down after reading this shit (niche reference to my favorite book sorry lolz)

and now, as a conclusion, i want to share the bio in this booklet that i think is the most important to understanding how this piece of garbage propaganda could have been made. this is an organization that was featured prominently in this document.

"Rooted in this World Network: We are an intergenerational group of rad/left, anti-zionist, (mostly) queer, secular jewish educators, activists, cultural workers, and artists, primarily based in North America, but also beyond. Some of us use “secular” and/or “cultural” to define ourselves (while others do not), but all of us are interested in building Jewish community that de-centers rabbinic, priestly, and prayer-focused Jewishness. We share resources and co-create meaningful ways of being practicing secular Jews (including internal education around secular histories and futures, workshops with/for the broader Jewish left, shared rituals and art-making)."

so, to be clear, this is a prayer book for a jewish religious holiday that was written by secular jews (and non jews) who intend to remove central parts of judaism from it. while not being religious. i think that really sums up what JVP is. it is not a jewish organization. it is an organization that puts politics over ancestral traditions, that parades as being jewish despite wanting to destroy and erase vital parts of jewish tradition, culture, language, spirituality, history, and identity. it props up tokenized jews who do not have connection to the things they speak on.

this is not a haggadah. it is some sort of goofy ass propaganda zine. it has nearly nothing to do with the actual story of passover. the "jewish leaders" involved are almost all people who got certifications from non-jewish orgs or in ways that jewish law does not recognize. this is ridiculous savior-complex bullshit that exists to steal elements of jewish culture and throw the rest out. fuck jvp