#dctextpost

[Tim testing out pick-up lines at the Young Justice HQ]

Tim: The name's Timothy Drake, but you can call me Benjamin Franklin because baby, I'm about to light up your world. *Winks with finger guns*

Cassie: Eeeh...

Kon: I mean, it's better than the Benjamin Button pick-up line.

Bart: Yeah, and waaaaay less creepy than the Timothy Green one.

Cassie: True, but I mean anything after those pick-up lines would be better and that's not saying much.

Tim, dramatically groaning: At this rate I'm going to die forever alone! Unloved, untouched, it's a travesty!

*Silence*

Tim: Where is my reassurance!? You guys are suppose to give me reassurance! "No you won't, Tim. You're a great catch, Tim".

Kon, deadpan: No you won't, Tim. You're a great catch, Tim.

Cassie and Bart: *snickering*

Tim: Ugh, I hate you all. And none of you are invited to my future wedding.

Kon: What happened to being forever alone?

[Bruce trying to give Dick THE Talk]

Bruce: Puberty is nothing to be ashamed about, Dick.

Dick:

Bruce: Your body is changing and it's a b- beautiful thing.

Dick: *groaning into his hands* Brooooooose, stahp.

Bruce, powering through: The changes you're experiencing are like... *has an epiphany* That show you like! Poké-man! You're a Poké-man who is evolving into something better and stronger!

Dick: *staring at Bruce in horror*

Bruce, extremely sincerely: *taking Dick's hands into his own* Dick, you're a Poké-boy turning into a Poké-man.

Dick: *horror intensifies*

Bruce: And remember when it comes to STDs, you don't "gotta catch 'em all".

Dick: *realizing he's never going to be able to watch Pokémon again*

Bruce: And I think that's a great segue into our next topic, *whips out a roll of condoms* Condoms!

Dick: *stands up and begins to walk away*

This just in from the Daily Planet, Superman delivers a sick burn to Batman.

-Lois Lane

Tim, aghast: Kon! We are in the middle of a pandemic!

Kon: … So is that a no?

Tim: Yes, it's a no!

Jason: Hey Kon, if you're offering, I'll take a lick.

Tim: JASON NO!

-Alternatively-

Kon: *Going in for a kiss*

Tim, aghast: Kon! We are in the middle of a pandemic!

Kon: *pouting* No kisses?

Tim: No kisses!

Jason: Well, if you're offering-

*Starts Jiggling Doorknob*

Tim: *Flailing in the bath* WAIT! Just... just hold on a second. I'll get it.

Dick: Hey Tim! While you're at it, can you get the Laffy Taffy I hid from Alfred.

Tim: *stops halfway out of the tub* You hid Laffy Taffy in my bathroom... where!?

Dick: In the toilet water tank!

Damian: 'tt' That is disgusting, Grayson.

Dick: I put it in a plastic baggy, it's perfectly sanitary.

Damian: Drake, this is your warning to make yourself decent. You have proven yourself incompetent in completing this simple task, I am coming in.

Tim: *hurriedly wrapping a towel around himself* Jesus Christ, Damian! I said just give me a-"

Dick: Dami! You can't just kick the-"

*The sound of the doorknob being kicked off*

Damian: *throwing door open* Where did you put- ... Drake?

Tim: *Deadpan* Yes, Damian?

Damian: Are you taking a candle lit bath?

Tim: ... yes.

Damian: 'tt' Just when I thought you couldn't get any weaker.

Dick: *Digging through the toilet water tank* Oh c’mon, Dami. I think it's nice that Tim is taking a second for a little R&R. It's just like how you like to winddown with bubble baths.

Damian: *aghast* Grayson! You were sworn to secrecy to never mention that incident.

*Jason walking into the bathroom*

Jason: Woah this looks peaceful as f***, Timmers.