#batman shitpost

No one is allowed entry untill and unless they can produce their very own certified robin-shaped identity card

Whenever someone with even a hint of supernatural powers in them arrives at Gotham, they're first met with Bruce standing at the city border with a notepad in hand

Bruce: State your name and purpose.

Kon: Kon-el, here to hangout!

Bruce: Your Robin?

Kon, flourishing Tim from behind him: Ta-Da!

Tim, waves: Hey Bruce

Bruce: Approved, you may enter

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce: Name and purpose?

Hal: Here to investigate a case, Hal Jordan

Bruce: Your Robin?

Hal: I.... don't have one?

Bruce: Denied

Hal: What?! But-

Bruce: Denied.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce: Yes, Wally, where's your robin?

Wally: Oh shit lemme just- *zaps away and returns with Dick, who was in the midst of brushing his teeth, in a bridal carry*- Here!

Bruce, grumbling a little: Fine. Approved.

Dick: You gotta stop using me as a key already, man

Wally: Blame Bruce.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce: Name and purpose?

Clark: Clark Kent, here for our monthly barbecue

Bruce: Robin?

Clark, producing an actual robin bird: Does this count?

Bruce: That’s right, I sure do love baseball.

Reporter: No, that you’re the Dark Knight?

Bruce, louder: I’m scared of the dark, so I don’t really do dark nights, sorry.

Reporter, even louder: No, that you are the Bat?

I like to think it has. I like to think they've heard The Riddler say it one too many times, and now it's just ingrained into their collective psyches in much the same way as "No shit, Sherlock" is.

Dick: Guys come on calm down.

Tim: At least we were wanted you little shit!

Damian: ...

Tim: ...

Damian: *starts crying*

Dick: TIM!

Tim: I-I'm sorry Damian! I-I didn't mean it!

Bruce: *runs in* what happened?! *runs over to Damian* What’s wrong son?

Dick: Tim said Damian was unwanted!

Bruce: Tim! That is too far!

Tim: I didn't know that was his breaking point!

Bruce: *hugs Damian and picks him up* Well now you do, and you can think about that more while you're grounded!

Tim: Are you serious!?

Bruce: Yes. I am. *starts walking off with Damian*

Damian: *looks up at Tim and smirks, his eyes dry as he sticks out his tongue*

I see so many versions of the Batfam where Dick is the flexible one, Jason is the strong one, Tim is the smart one, Damian is the weapons-trained one, Cass can disappear, and Stephanie and Duke are ignored or treated like civilians.

So, while Dick obviously is the best acrobat and his fighting style is based on his gymnastics training, it's important to note that all of the Batkids are only slightly below his level. They are all on par with professional gymnasts.

And, while Tim is this expert detective and hacker, they are all trained to be able to hack the fucking Pentagon.

Consider them all getting an A in every test of every skill, it's just that some of them have specific interests, so devote more of their time to their skill and get an A+ instead.

So here is a list of their A+ skills:

Dick: acrobatics (obviously)

Jason: marksmanship (this ranges from guns to slingshots, amazing with a paper airplane aimed at Tim's eyes)

Tim: computer and detective skills (this man never leaves the house, he has skin paler than paper and access to every CIA document)

Damian: welding weapons (it takes a lot of practice to weild a katana non-lethaly)

Cass: stealth (when asked for comment, she disappeared into the floorboards)

Steph: pissing off the rogues (it's what she devoted most of her time to)

Duke: encouragement (he was a major player in We Are Robin, he could encourage anyone to join the fight. Also, he makes the sun shine behind him to form a dramatic silhouette and you can't say no to that)

Bruce: Paranoia

Anyway, this was a really long winded way of saying, while I appreciate the Nightwing Dancing on a Pole propaganda, I humbly present the simple fact that Jason would also be up there.

Edit: So I wrote this really quickly in the middle of the night and failed to clarify what I properly meant.

While I fully get that Dick is leagues above everyone else in terms of gymnastics prowess and that Cass easily dominated in hand-to-hand combat, my point was more that the others are also very good compared to the normal person.

Ngl, I do love me a feral/enraged Dick Grayson <3