#dad!dejun

He thought it wouldn’t be that difficult, he had coped relatively well when she was at nursery for three to four hours at a time, but now, when that time had doubled, he found it so lonely. The house was quiet, no giggling or padding of little feet. He began picturing his days being filled with another tiny baby in his arms, maybe a son this time- no, another daughter would also be perfect- a sibling for Liena to play with, as well as another incredible gift for you and him. 

He thought it wouldn’t be that difficult, he had coped relatively well when she was at nursery for three to four hours at a time, but now, when that time had doubled, he found it so lonely. The house was quiet, no giggling or padding of little feet. He began picturing his days being filled with another tiny baby in his arms, maybe a son this time- no, another daughter would also be perfect- a sibling for Liena to play with, as well as another incredible gift for you and him. 

He thought it wouldn’t be that difficult, he had coped relatively well when she was at nursery for three to four hours at a time, but now, when that time had doubled, he found it so lonely. The house was quiet, no giggling or padding of little feet. He began picturing his days being filled with another tiny baby in his arms, maybe a son this time- no, another daughter would also be perfect- a sibling for Liena to play with, as well as another incredible gift for you and him. 

You weren’t totally surprised when he brought it up, after all you had both agreed on two, and Liena was at a good age.

‘Oh Jun,’ you nearly burst into tears when he asks, ‘of course I want to have another baby with you.’

And he just grins, practically tackling you onto the bed. 

You stop using any birth control, but don’t put any pressure on each other.

‘If a baby happens, it happens,’ he mumbles into your shoulder after one particularly late night together, ‘just like we said last time.’

And that leads you to now, three months later, staring down at a positive test.

You feel such a strange mix of emotions. You were thrilled of course, this is exactly what you wanted, but at the same time, you felt the violent butterflies erupt in your stomach. The nausea probably doesn’t help. 

’Two children,’ you mumble to yourself, the realisation that you would now be responsible for two human lives now dawning on you.

‘Mummy/mommy?’ You hear Liena call from the other room. 

‘Just a moment sweetheart,’ you shout back, putting the test in a drawer. 

‘Mummy/mommy,’ Liena chirps as you come out of the bathroom, ‘what’s for dinner?’

‘What would you like for dinner?’

‘Hmm,’ she thinks for a moment, ‘jjajangmyeon?’

‘Feeling like Korean food today?’ You smile. It’s always made you happy whenever Liena embraces Korea. While she was born in Korea and has never properly lived in China, you and Xiaojun wanted her to be in touch with both cultures, by speaking to her in both languages as well as serving her food from both places.

‘Moonbyeol was talking about it,’ Liena says, referring to Jeno’s daughter who was in her class at school.

She’s quiet for a few moments, before perking up, ‘mummy/mommy, you know Moonbyeol’s getting a little brother, right?’

‘Yeah, I do know sweetheart,’ you smile, ‘it’s exciting isn’t it?’

You hope she says yes, hoping she has an optimistic view of siblings and pregnancy.

‘Yeah! She says the baby is in her mummy’s/mommy’s tummy.’

‘Yeah she’s right Li,’ you start gathering the ingredients for the Jjajangmyeon, ‘how would you feel if I had a baby?’

Liena tilts her head, ‘would I be able to play with the baby?’

‘You’ll have to wait until they grow up a little bit first,’ you explain, ’they’ll be small for a while. Like Jinghua is now!’

‘Jinghua cries,’ Liena recounts the few occasions in which she’d met Renjun’s new daughter.

‘It’s because Jinghua’s just a baby, she can’t say what she wants,’ you explain, ‘if mummy/mommy had a baby, that baby will cry too. But they will grow up into a big boy or girl just like you, and they won’t cry as much and they will want to play with you, and eat food with you and be your best friend!’

‘How would you get a baby?’

Oh great, the question you’d been dreading.

‘Well, um, daddy would have to agree first.. and then the baby would grow inside my tummy here,’ you point to your lower stomach.

‘And then they would be my brother or sister?’

‘Exactly sweetheart,’ you’re still trying to read her expression, ‘would you want that?’

‘Yeah,’ Liena nods, ’it’d be cool to have a brother or sister, like Maddie and Moonbyeol do.’

‘What if mummy/mommy told you there was a baby in her tummy right now?’

Liena perks up, eyes widening, ‘really?’

‘Yeah, Li,’ you feel a big sense of relief at her reaction.

‘Can I see?’

‘Not yet,’ you shake your head, ‘they’ll only be the size of a little tiny dot right now. But over the next few months they’ll get bigger and bigger.’

‘How long?’

‘A few months… but you can help mummy/mommy with so much! Because the baby will need toys and a new bedroom.’

Liena gasps, ‘toys!’

‘Yeah, I knew that would grab your attention… Sweetheart, do you wanna help me tell your daddy about the baby?’

Liena gets excited again, ‘yeah!’ 

‘Okay sweetheart, when daddy gets home, here’s what we’re going to do…’

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ ⋆✦⋆ ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

‘I’m home,’ Xiaojun calls, face and mood instantly brightening when his daughter comes running towards him.

‘Daddy!’ 

‘Hi angel!’ 

Liena runs into his arms, and Xiaojun lifts her in the air, spinning her around in circles while she shrieks.

You trail behind, ‘ah, too much excitement for this close to bedtime!’

Xiaojun smiles sheepishly, holding Liena on his hip, ‘sorry mama.’

You quickly peck his lips, ‘have a good day?’

‘Yeah, tiring though,’ Xiaojun sets Liena down, peeling his bag off his shoulder and kicking his shoes off, ‘you?’

‘Pretty interesting,’ you press your lips together, nodding, ignoring the confused look on his face.

‘Daddy,’ Liena tugs on the sleeve of his hoodie to get his attention, ‘can you read me a book to go to bed?’

‘Yeah of course,’ Xiaojun grabs her little hand, leading her over to her room.

‘Did you have a nice day at school?’ He asks her as she picks a book to read. You stand in the doorway, watching the scene.

‘I had a good day,’ she says, ‘mummy/mommy made Jjajangmyeon.’

‘Really!’ Xiaojun acts excited, ‘was it yummy?’

‘Yeah!’ Liena grins, ‘delicious.’

’Thanks sweetheart,’ you cross the room to come and sit down beside Xiaojun on her bed.

‘Mummy/mommy told me something too,’ Liena begins, turning her attention to Xiaojun.

‘And what is that?’

‘Mummy/mommy has a baby in her tummy.’

Xiaojun turns to you, completely wide-eyed.

‘Wait, do you really?’ He practically whispers.

You nod, tears sprinting into your eyes.

‘Oh my God,’ he laughs, tears of his own coming through, ‘you’re pregnant.’

Xiaojun gently pulls you towards him, enveloping you in a warm hug, ’this is amazing.. I mean, how long have you known?’

’Since this morning.’

‘I can’t believe- Liena! You’re going to be a big sister!’

You and Xiaojun open your arms, inviting Liena into your cuddle.

‘I love you both. So much,’ Xiaojun kisses both of your foreheads.

‘We love you too,’ you take his hand, resting it on your stomach, ‘all of us do.’

The three of you sit there for a few minutes, just cuddling and soaking in the moment.

Xiaojun catches sight of the time on Liena’s clock.

‘I think it’s time for you to go to sleep,’ Xiaojun pulls away from your hug, much to the disappointment of Liena.

‘No,’ she whines, but is quickly interrupted by a big yawn.

‘Hm, I think it is,’ he laughs, leaning over her and pressing a kiss on her forehead, ‘goodnight baby.’

‘Goodnight daddy,’ Liena clutches her little brown teddy bear that Kun bought for her when she was born.

‘Goodnight Li,’ you kiss her, ‘love you.’

‘I love you too mummy/mommy.’

’Na-night,’ you both leave the room, flicking her little lamp off and quietly pulling the door closed.

Xiaojun waits until you’re out of Liena’s earshot before he practically attacks you in a hug.

‘Hi,’ you giggle, laughing increasing when he starts littering your cheeks with kisses.

‘I can’t believe you surprised me like that,’ he splutters, ‘I really wasn’t expecting it..’

‘Liena is so excited,’ you begin lightly scratching his head in the way you know  he likes, the way that relaxes him, ‘although she did ask me how the baby got there.’

‘Worst question to be asked.’

’I tried to get her to warm up to the idea,’ you say, ‘she seemed to like it. She’s excited for a friend I think.’

‘Good… I’m so happy, I can’t believe we’re going to have another little one in the house… How did you know you were pregnant?’

‘My period was quite late, and I felt a bit dizzy this morning. I mean, it wasn’t too intense, but I thought what if, you know? And all the tests I did, really strong positives.’

Xiaojun’s smile goes impossibly wider, ‘I love you.’

‘I love you too.’

’Now, you’re going to sit in the big comfy armchair with the footrest while we watch TV, and then I’ll make you ginger tea because I know that helped with your nausea with Liena and-‘