Who am I? What do I want? 'Finding myself' was something I actively started doing when I was in 8th grade - reading my diaries from back then made me realise this. It also made me realise that my mind was a very shitty place to be in because it was in constant conflict. My heart didn't carry any burden or pain but my mind did. But back then my heart didn't once complain. It supported my mind. Now, the roles are reversed. There's a bit of ranting on my mind's part every now and then but I know it's not to be taken too seriously. I used to think self discovery and self love was a journey I began in 2016 but it was a whole six years before that. 2010. It's been a decade since and I can only say one thing with absolute surety - I am no longer finding myself; I'm creating myself. I don't know how that's really working out other than that this isn't half as restrictive. Finding myself always meant picking and choosing titles and identities that already exist in the world. That the society accepts or at least knows about. Creating myself is like I'm a YA book's protagonist full of quirks. I don't care about whether that's acceptable or not. But more often than not these very quirks and all other authentic parts of me are what make me so endearing and precious to the ones who love me. Myself included.
