#control issues

We think people pleasing is being kind, but kindness comes from genuine care, not fear of rejection: people pleasing is anxiety disgused as niceness

We mistake perfectionism for excellence, but excellence is about growth and progress, while perfectionism is fear of failure dressed up as high standards

We confuse avoiding conflict with being peaceful, but peaceful isn't pretending everything is fine: that's fear of confrontation masquerading as harmony

We think suppressing feelings makes us strong, but strength isn't emotional numbness: that's trauma disguised as resilience

We mistake not asking for help as independence, but independence isn't doing everything alone: that's fear of being a burden or pretending to be self-reliant

We confuse approval seeking with getting good advice, but seeking wisdom is different from needing validation: approval seeking is insecurity disguised as being open to input

We think being controlling gives us safety but safety isn't micromanaging everything: that's anxiety masquerading as being responsible

We mistake our productivity for our worth, but our value isn't our output: that's childhood conditioning disguised as work ethics

These patterns serve you once, but now they're just keeping you stuck

https://archiveofourown.org/works/74560611

A Christmas Story

***Set in an alternate universe without heroes or powers.***

•Family Chaos. Dark Comedy. Sexual Themes.

•Shippings include: Tim x Kon, Damian x Rachel, Bruce x Selina, Dick x Kori.

(A Christmas Story)

Damian Wayne stays home for Christmas for the first time in years. Bruce Wayne has a color-coded binder of mandatory events. Jason Todd is sporting an ankle monitor. Tim Drake is secretly sleeping with the enemy. A hush-hush Wayne elopement featuring Vegas. Koriand’r accidentally gets people high. Cassandra and Stephanie plan to flee the country. Jimmy Olsen can’t catch a cab. The Kents are in an RV. Wally and Irey West get temporarily trapped. Dick Grayson crashes out over peanuts. Duke Thomas learns what it means to be Selina’s favorite.

And halfway across the world, Talia al Ghul— a literal dictator— realizes Damian refused to return home for Christmas because he’d rather spend it with his girlfriend (Damirae this time, sorry) and that suspicious ride-or-die group of friends.

Absolutely nothing goes according to plan.

(Rating change due to certain scenes/incidents.)

AlastorxVox

Story Summary: When Alastor loses his shadow in a battle with Adam, he loses much more than his power.

Unstable, amnesiac, and unable to exist without an external anchor, he becomes dependent on Vox’s static to hold his fractured body together. Vox calls it protection. Alastor calls it relief.

But Vox remembers the past Alastor can’t and uses it to make things right in all the wrong ways.

a/n: I've been uploading my fanfic on ao3 and a friend of mine convinced me in uploading here as well. This is my first time posting! I'm going to learn as I go in uploading the chapters, please be patient! I'm going to upload all the chapters that I have current on ao3.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/77583666/chapters/203189301

________________________________________________________________

The Seam

The air tastes wrong.

Alastor notices it before anything else, before the smoke, before the holy scorch marks carved into Hell’s red stone, before Adam opens his mouth again.

The distortion presses against his senses like a radio dial tuned almost right, close enough to irritate, close enough to make his magic itch beneath his skin.

That’s new.

“Well,” Alastor says brightly, voice crackling with its usual theatrical warmth as he steps over a collapsed pillar, cane tapping once against the fractured ground. “I must say, this is shaping up to be a dreadfully one-sided affair.”

Adam scoffs loudly, wings flexing behind him. Feathers shake loose, drifting lazily through the haze like ash.

“One-sided?” he snaps. “You’ve been running your fuckin’ mouth for ten minutes straight.”

Lute stands a few steps behind him, blade angled downward, posture tight and efficient. She doesn’t speak. She doesn’t need to.

Alastor grins wider, eyes glowing cheerfully. “Ah, but monologuing is half the fun, my dear boy. One simply can’t massacre an audience without proper presentation.”

Adam rolls his eyes. “Jesus Christ, you are insufferable.”

He cracks his neck, gaze locking onto Alastor with something sharp and calculating,  not the blind rage most angels bring to Hell, but irritation edged with intent.

“Alright,” Adam mutters. “Enough fuckin’ around.”

› why high-achieving girls relapse into sabotage → decoding spencer's obsession with control | by @glowettee

hey lovelies! ✧

have you ever noticed how spencer always ends up in some version of a basement? literally or metaphorically, our favorite hastings girl finds herself spiraling in hidden spaces, plotting revenge, or having a full breakdown away from judging eyes. and honestly? same.

the basement isn't just a physical place, it's that mental space where high-achieving girls retreat when we're unraveling but can't let anyone see. it's where we hide our panic, our shame, our pressure, our secrets. it's where the perfect facade cracks but nobody's allowed to witness.

✧ the performance of perfection

let's be honest about something: nobody is born a control freak. we're trained into it, molded by expectations, and rewarded for our ability to keep everything (including ourselves) in perfect order. spencer wasn't born obsessively organizing murder boards, she was shaped into someone who needed that control to feel safe.

for girls raised to be "the smart one," our entire identity becomes wrapped up in:

getting straight As

being the responsible one

solving everyone's problems

anticipating disaster before it happens

never showing weakness

sound familiar? the gold stars and academic validation become an addiction. we literally start to believe that our worth as a human is tied to our productivity. we're not people, we're performers. and the show must go on (even when we're breaking).

✧ the relapse isn't random

when spencer spirals, it looks chaotic from the outside. but her self-sabotage isn't random... it's a carefully choreographed dance she's been practicing her whole life. the same goes for all of us perfectionists.

we don't just randomly implode. we return to our basements because:

it feels safer to destroy things ourselves than wait for someone else to do it

the pressure becomes unbearable and we need release

our inner child gets triggered (usually by feeling not good enough)

we're reenacting old pain that feels oddly comforting because it's familiar

think about it: spencer doesn't randomly lose control, she loses it in the exact same ways, over and over. competing with melissa. taking p*lls to study longer. becoming obsessive about solving the puzzle before anyone else. these aren't new behaviors; they're old wounds wearing new outfits.

✧ the ugly parts of ambition

there's a difference between healthy ambition and the kind that's fueled by shame. spencer's need to be the best isn't just fueled by achievement, it's fueled by outrunning the voice that says "if i don't win, i'm nothing."

the ugly truth about toxic ambition is that it:

makes you see friends as competition

turns rest into failure

convinces you that your value is in your output

keeps you emotionally numb through productivity

destroys relationships because nothing matters more than the goal

remember when spencer sabotaged melissa's relationship? stole her essays? betrayed her friends to get ahead? that's not ambition... that's desperation wearing ambition's clothes.

✧ control is a trauma response

spencer's need to control everything, to know every secret, anticipate every move, and stay three steps ahead... isn't just type-A personality traits. it's a trauma response.

when your world has been repeatedly unsafe (and let's be real, rosewood is the definition of unsafe), control becomes survival. the girl who color-codes her planner and can't delegate tasks isn't just organized, she's terrified of what happens if she lets go.

some signs your control issues might actually be trauma:

you can't sleep if things are unfinished

uncertainty causes physical panic

you micromanage everyone around you

you feel responsible for outcomes that aren't yours

your body stays in constant vigilance

you equate relaxation with danger

✧ rewriting the spiral

so how do we stop going back to the basement? how do we break the cycle that spencer never quite managed to escape?

recognize your basement triggers what sends you spiraling? is it comparison? criticism? feeling overlooked? identify the exact moments that make you want to retreat and self-sabotage.

create a physical "anti-basement" designate a space (even just a corner) that represents the opposite of your spiral zone. fill it with comfort objects, grounding tools, and reminders of who you are beyond achievement.

practice nervous system regulation when you feel the spiral starting, focus on your body first. deep breathing, cold water on your face, gentle movement, anything that tells your body "you're safe, you don't need to run to the basement."

redefine what winning means success doesn't have to mean perfection or being better than everyone else. what if winning just meant peace? what if it meant being present? what if it meant being kind to yourself?

speak to your inner spencer the part of you that's terrified of failure needs compassion, not more pressure. talk to her like you would a friend: "it's okay to rest. it's okay to not know everything. your worth isn't in your achievements."

✧ the girl who comes back upstairs

the real victory isn't never going to the basement again. it's recognizing that you don't live there anymore. you visit sometimes, but you always come back up.

spencer's tragedy was believing she had to stay in that dark place of control and obsession to be valuable. but the real win isn't solving every mystery or being the smartest person in rosewood, it's finding peace in the uncertainty.

you're allowed to put down the murder board. you're allowed to close the planner. you're allowed to exist without earning it.

the basement will always be there. but so is the sunlight upstairs.

xoxo, mindy 🤍

p.s. what's your favorite spencer spiral moment? mine is definitely pill-fueled study sessions that turned into hallucinations. too relatable (minus the hallucinations… mostly (and def the pills 😔).

One thing that I’ve noticed about a lot of people is that they have control issues that are given a pass and overlooked. Especially in relationships and friendships.

When we think of ‘control issues’ in the context of connections, we think of someone telling another what they can and can’t do, or what they can and can’t wear, or who they can and can’t speak to. Those things definitely fit into that category, but those are OVERT forms of control issues. Read through some of the following points and see if you can relate to any of the more subtle ones:

Refusing to accept people for who they are (positive or negative) and therefore opting to try to change them for better or for worse - instead of choosing to change YOUR behaviour and whether or not YOU continue to deal with them.

Thinking that you have the power or influence to change someone into a ‘better person’ and refusing to give up despite them not being receptive to that, nor even asking for your help in the first place.

Trying to force people to love and care for you. Instead of just choosing to love, care, and focus on yourself. Thinking that if you do ‘this’ and ‘that’ for them, or if you stick around them long enough, then they’ll eventually treat you like you want to be treated.

Refusing to change what YOU accept in terms of disrespect (when you definitely could if you wanted to), and instead trying to force someone to respect you. THEY DON’T WANT TO. Simple.

Trying to “fix” other people constantly (people who most likely never asked for that/don’t want that in the first place) while barely fixing anything about yourself.

All of these scenarios are just examples, but they all include someone trying to change someone else instead of choosing to change themselves, and their OWN behaviour, and their OWN standards.

So, this is my question: If you think that you don’t have the power nor the influence to change yourself into who you want to be, what makes you think that you’re powerful enough to change someone else into who you want them to be?

Please recognise your control issues. People who struggle with these types of things - covertly or overtly - are people who feel out of control in their own lives so they try to control someone else’s life. And that energy repels people. Because hardly anybody ever asks for someone to impose themselves onto them like that. Doesn’t matter if you think that you’re doing it to make someone “better”. If they don’t WANT to be a better person, then leave them to it. You don’t have the right to force someone onto a path that they don’t want to be on. Just like nobody else would have the right to do that to you.

There’s a reason why we have free will. To control ourselves. A lot of you shame manipulative people due to the way that they impose themselves on another person’s free will and mindset. However, I can guarantee you that if you relate to doing any of the things listed above, you attempted manipulating someone’s mind and behaviour - even if it was for something ‘good’ or ‘better’ - whether you realised it or not. Manipulation is something that humans do consciously and subconsciously all of the time. My question is, if you’re willing to try to manipulate someone’s behaviour for better, why not put that energy into yourself? Or at least someone who has directly ASKED for your help with that?

Chapters: 1/3 Fandom: Heated Rivalry (TV) Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov Characters: Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov Additional Tags: Canon Compliant, mostly - Freeform, Control Issues, Autistic Shane Hollander, Under-negotiated Kink, Dom/sub, Not Actually Unrequited Love, POV Shane Hollander, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Shane Hollander Has an Eating Disorder, Shane Hollander's Yearning Bottom Eyes, Canon Autistic Character, yeah yeah the ep 2 vegas scene we all wanna write angst about it, Shane baby you know you aren’t Atlas you don’t have to hold the world’s weight on your shoulders, Consent King Ilya Rozanov, Bottom Shane Hollander, Top Ilya Rozanov, Anal Sex, Self-Flagellation, Shane hollander be kind to yourself challenge, Miscommunication, honestly kind of a character study on Shane and his autism and how it affects how he interacts with the world, Insecurity, Self-Worth Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, situationship era hollanov, Shane Hollander in Subdrop, the comfort is coming I swear they just have to be emotionally stunted for a bit first Summary:

As a professional athlete, his body is literally built for endurance. It’s kind of part of his job description, really, something that he specifically trains for, to be good at enduring things most people would balk at. What he personally feels about the specifics of that process is secondary to the goal of being the best hockey player he can possibly be.

The thing with Rozanov starts off as something different. Tentatively, Shane had allowed himself to hope that this could become a part of his life not to be endured but enjoyed, maybe. The CCM shoot, the 2011 All Stars game, Shane’s apartment in Montreal the first time Shane had… Well, to say Shane enjoys himself in each case would be an understatement. It had shocked him, how good sex could feel when you wanted to be there. He had almost forgotten what it was like to want something, something other than hockey, until somehow, without any conscious decision on his part, his whole body had been consumed with wanting his arch-rival.

Key: Smut 💥, fluff 🌿, angst 😡

Oneshots

Go On, Baby--Get Outta My hair 💥