#concussion

The fall happens too fast.

One second you’re there, laughing at something small and forgettable, and the next your foot slips. There’s a sharp, awful sound when your head hits, and then nothing.

Sevika doesn’t remember moving.

She’s on her knees beside you before the echo fades, hands hovering like she’s afraid to touch you and make it worse. Your name is on her lips, over and over, rough and breaking in a way it never does.

“Hey. Hey, stay with me. You’re okay, baby. Look at me.”

You don’t.

That terrifies her.

—

The hospital is too slow. Everything is too slow.

Sevika paces like a caged animal outside your room, arms crossed tight like she’s holding herself together by force. She hates this. The waiting. The not knowing. The helplessness.

She’s faced worse. Done worse. Survived worse.

None of that matters when it’s you.

When the doctor finally comes out, Sevika is already standing in front of them before they can even speak.

“She hit her head,” they explain calmly. “There’s a concussion. We’re monitoring her, but she should wake soon.”

“Should?” Sevika’s voice is low, dangerous.

The doctor doesn’t flinch. “Yes. There may be some temporary confusion when she wakes. Possibly some short-term memory issues. It’s common with head injuries.”

Sevika goes still.

“Temporary?” she confirms.

“Yes.”

That’s the only thing that keeps her from tearing the whole place apart.

—

When you wake, everything feels… wrong.

Your head throbs in a dull, heavy way. The lights are too bright. The air smells strange. You blink slowly, trying to make sense of it, but your thoughts feel thick, like they’re moving through syrup.

There’s a shape beside you.

Someone sitting close. Watching you.

You squint.

She’s… big. Solid. Broad shoulders, strong arms, sitting forward like she’s been holding herself there for a long time. Her eyes are locked onto you, sharp and intense-

And then they soften the second you move.

“Hey,” she says, voice low, careful. “Easy.”

You blink again, trying to focus on her face.

She’s… pretty.

Like, really pretty.

Your brows knit together in confusion. You look around the room, then back at her.

“…where am I?” Your voice comes out small, slow.

“Hospital,” she says gently. “You had a fall. Hit your head.”

“Oh.” You absorb that for a moment. “…that makes sense.”

She lets out a small breath that might be a laugh, but it’s shaky.

You look at her again. Really look this time.

She hasn’t taken her eyes off you once.

“And… who are you?”

The question lands like a punch.

Sevika doesn’t move.

For a second, something raw flashes across her face. Something sharp and pained and quickly buried. She exhales slowly through her nose, grounding herself.

The doctor’s words echo in her head. Temporary.

Temporary.

She leans forward slightly, resting her forearms on the edge of your bed.

“I’m Sevika,” she says, steady now.

You tilt your head, studying her like she’s something unfamiliar. Something interesting.

“Sevika…” you repeat, testing it.

She nods once.

You squint at her again, then your expression shifts into something softer. A little dazed. A little awed.

“…you’re really pretty.”

Sevika blinks.

“…what?”

You smile, slow and lopsided from the meds, completely unfiltered. “Like. Really pretty. Are you… are you my friend?”

There’s a pause.

Then Sevika huffs out a quiet breath, something almost like disbelief mixing with relief.

“Something like that,” she murmurs.

You frown slightly, unsatisfied. “That’s not a real answer.”

Sevika’s lips twitch despite everything.

“No,” she admits. “It’s not.”

You look at her expectantly, waiting.

She hesitates.

For the first time since you woke, Sevika looks… unsure. Like she’s choosing her next words carefully, like they matter more than anything.

“I’m your wife,” she admits finally.

Silence.

You stare at her.

Then your eyes go wide.

“Shut up.”

Sevika actually chokes on a laugh.

“I’m serious,” she says.

“No way,” you breathe, looking her up and down again like you’re reassessing everything. “You… you’re my wife?”

“Yeah.”

“…like, legally?”

“Yes, honey.”

You sit there for a second, clearly trying to process it. Then your face lights up in pure, unfiltered amazement.

“I pulled that?”

Sevika lets out a real laugh this time. Rough and warm, the tension finally easing out.

“Yeah, baby,” she says, shaking her head. “You did.”

You grin, proud despite having no memory to back it up. “Wow. Good for me.”

She can’t stop looking at you.

All that fear, all that tight, suffocating panic from earlier… it loosens, just a little. Enough for something softer to take its place.

You glance around again, the confusion creeping back in at the edges. Your smile falters slightly.

“I- I don’t remember anything,” you admit quietly.

Sevika’s expression softens instantly.

She reaches out, slow and deliberate, giving you time to pull away if you want to.

You don’t.

Her hand settles gently over yours, warm and steady.

“That’s okay,” she says.

You look back at her, brows knitting together, uncertain.

“It’ll come back,” she continues, voice low and grounding. “Doctor said it’s temporary.”

“…you sure?”

“I’m certain.” She squeezes your hand lightly. “And even if it takes time, I’ve got you, sweetheart. Always have and always will.”

You study her face again.

She looks so sure. So solid. Like nothing could shake her.

Something in your chest settles.

“…okay,” you say softly.

A beat passes.

Then, a little shy, a little curious, you add, “Can I… still hold your hand? Even if I don’t remember?”

Sevika’s throat tightens.

“Of course,” she responds immediately.

You relax into the bed, fingers curling more securely around hers.

“…cool,” you mumble, already getting a little drowsy again.

She watches as your eyes start to drift shut, your grip still loose but trusting.

Sevika leans back slightly in her chair, not pulling away.

Not for a second.

Her thumb brushes gently over your knuckles, slow and deliberate, like she’s reassuring herself you’re really there.

“…you really don’t remember me, huh?” she murmurs quietly.

Your eyes flutter half-open.

You blink at her, sleepy.

“…no,” you admit, a little apologetic.

A pause.

Then, timid but sincere, you add, “But I think I like you anyway.”

Sevika’s breath catches.

And just like that, her chest feels full again. Not with fear this time.

Something warmer.

Something steadier.

“…yeah?” she asks quietly.

You nod, already slipping back under. “Mhm. You seem… safe.”

Sevika squeezes your hand just a little tighter.

“Good,” she murmurs.

Because no matter what you do or don’t remember-

That part?

Study of Former NFL Players Finds 1 in 3 Believes They Have CTE

New study of nearly 2,000 former NFL players found that 34 percent think they have CTE, a condition it is not yet possible to confirm in a living person... The study — conducted by a team including researchers from Harvard Medical School, Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health, Massachusetts General Hospital, Brigham and Women’s Hospital, and Spaulding Rehabilitation Hospital who are part of the Football Players Health Study at Harvard University — is published Sept. 23 in JAMA Neurology. According to the study, players who believed they had CTE reported significantly more cognitive problems and a higher proportion of low testosterone, depression, mood instability, headaches, chronic pain, and head injury compared with those who did not have concerns about CTE.

-via Harvard Medical School news, September 24, 2024. And look, the can even get more juicy headlines fearmongering about testosterone levels!! For a reason that actually fucking exists this time!!

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In fact, they don't even need to ban football entirely - we're starting to have the data that COULD be used to launch a massive public health and reform campaign to protect kids from debilitating injuries, mental health crises, and suicide!!

But you know, then we wouldn't be able to force teenage girls (trans and cis) to have a doctor look at their genitals.

We'd have to go after football, which makes billionaires and media companies a fuck ton of money, instead of going after trans kids, who both in the US and globally incredibly vulnerable and, oh yeah, disproportionately likely to have no money.

Example of vital data that we COULD be studying instead of spending millions and millions of dollars faking anti-trans research findings and massively defrauding the public:

New Study Reveals Number and Strength of Head Impacts, Not Concussions, Drive CTE Risk in Football

Does a football player’s number of concussions drive the risk of developing chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE)? In a new study of 631 deceased football players, the largest CTE study to date, scientists found that the number of diagnosed concussions alone was not associated with CTE risk. Instead, football players’ odds of developing CTE were related to both how many head impacts they received and how hard the head impacts were. The study, conducted by researchers at Mass General Brigham, Harvard Medical School, and Boston University (BU), was published today in Nature Communications. It used an innovative new tool called a positional exposure matrix (PEM) that synthesized data from 34 independent studies to estimate the number and severity of football players’ head impacts over their careers. “These results provide added evidence that repeated non-concussive head injuries are a major driver of CTE pathology rather than symptomatic concussions, as the medical and lay literature often suggests,” said study senior author Jesse Mez, MD, MS, Associate Professor at the BU Chobanian and Avedisian School of Medicine and Co-Director of Clinical Research at the BU CTE Center. The new data could provide football with a playbook to prevent CTE in current and future players, according to researchers.

-via Mass General Brigham, June 20, 2023

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Notes for clarification:

This post is not saying I think we should ban football, although I do genuinely believe that we do have an ethical obligation to massively overhaul how football

All of this also applies to and has been found in other contact sports involving head impacts, including soccer (also aka football), hockey, rugby, and wrestling - all huge high school and professional sports

I'm using the sports terminology I am because I am in the United States (and so are most of the fearmongering media billionaires who own the vast majority of news outlets)

That last point specifically includes all major television news, plus over the course of the past two decades, the LA Times, the Washington Post, and like half of AM radio and local news

And of course lest we forget, it includes Fox News, which COULD use its influence to save the lives and health of literally millions of teenagers who are at massive risk of CTE - or have already developed it!! - due to sports injuries

But the executives at Fox have decided to endanger the lives of different teenagers, whom they like way less, by spreading anti-trans conspiracy theories, propaganda, and lies instead.

So next time, try telling your conservative aunt or neighbor or churchmembers that the REAL danger to kids in sports is brain damage from collisions: "Do you know if your school uses equipment that's rated to help prevent head injuries? Have you seen the statistics on how many kids get lifelong brain damage from playing high school sports? Have you seen the numbers on how many former student athletes commit suicide? That's what I'm worried about - as many as 40% of student athletes might have brain damage, while only like .01% of student athletes are trans. If we want to protect millions of kids, we should start with the thing that affects millions of kids!"