#complex disability

By the way. The whole “oh, well some of us have to push through our disability because we don’t have the option to be that disabled!” isn’t even laterally ableist, it is just ableist. Like, punching down, deeply fucking ableist, and I am so sick of it.

I kinda want a wheelchair and that feels bad to admit. And not in an, “I want to be more disabled!” way that some people think I mean but like. I’m just in so much pain day to day when I walk around. I’m capable of doing it for short periods, “long” periods (few hours) with crutches. But I’ve needed to put so much weight on the crutches that I’ve accidentally pulled muscles in my shoulders or chest by the end of a long excursion without realizing it until I’m in horrible pain for the next week or two. And by “long excursions” I mean going to visit a horse park and going on a mall walk with my boyfriend (two different days not the same day) not like anything absolutely insane.