#actually mad

I want people to stop being forced into hospitals and stripped of their autonomy.

I want people to stop being backed into a corner where they feel their only options are homelessness or suicide.

I want people to stop being murdered via their monetary benefits being cut, even though they desperately need them.

I want mentally ill, Mad and neurodivergent people to be supported in all areas of their life and enabled to live in the community. Not locked away in institutions.

I get that we need people to understand mental health better. But so much of this month is people watering down inclusion and equity to mean "Mad people should just stop being visibly Mad and then they can be accepted".

So. I don't know. "Mental health awareness month" falls so fucking flat for me. I don't want to assimilate, I want to be respected as an autonomous being and enabled to live a good life. Not fed another platitude about how "CBT will definitely help this time, trust, you just need to do it for a fifth time and try harder to get better!".

Even though I am a narcissist, I have come across other narcissists who I consider bad people that I would not like to be friends with. I am often told I am a "good narcissist" by egotypicals trying to affirm me, especially when I was in the early stages of accepting I have NPD and terrified about being viewed as a bad person. What I found comforting then—being told it's fine I'm a narcissist because I'm a good person—I now wish was being told narcissists who don't fit the egotypical definitions of goodness are still human.

A "bad narcissist" deserves treatment.

A "bad narcissist" deserves access to resources for their mental health.

A "bad narcissist" deserves their humanity.

People love to tell me "I support narcissists!—except the bad ones."

From this, I wonder what their support means. I wonder how much they care about mentally disabled people if they can pick and choose who they want to dignify as disabled and who they want to write off as scum.

Is it any different, I wonder, to misgendering a bad person because they just so happen to be trans? Do they not deserve the dignity of their identity for their actions?

I have whole playlists that are specifically for when I’m manic. Why? That doesn’t seem healthy, does it? No. It’s a coping skill that I learned. If I keep my brain stimulated and in a good mood while manic, then I have a less chance of running the streets, self harming, doing drugs, etc.

But it also means that sometimes I hear songs outside of mania that I listen to while manic and it does sorta give me flash backs. There are certain songs that I attribute to certain experiences because I was listening to that song on repeat while doing stupid shit while manic.

Venmo: @Bethany-Goff-1

CashApp: $EzekielBethanyGoff

Hi, all. I'm really overdrawn in my bank account. I cannot pay all my bills, let alone get things like cat food, cat litter, and laundry soap in January, February, and possibly March. I'm hoping people can help. I'll be continuing to update this list with needs AND frivolous wants until I'm back on my feet. Any help anyone could give would be really appreciated. I'm multiply disabled and unable to work, trans, asexual, very pale but indigenous, etc. please reblog if you can.

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