#communicationtips

Saturday, July 15, 2023 controversial but stop equating eye contact with respect please, sincerely all autistic people - autistic gay wizard, @wizardsofautism

Imagine being so egotistical that you only feel validated when someone stares directly into your eyeballs when they speak with you. - Clancy Wigs, @mcshrimpshramps

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(For the person splitting):

1. Do: check in with yourself

Don’t: ignore the other person on impulse

The difference:

(checking in) ask yourself what you feel and why. “Ok, I know I’m angry and not thinking clearly. Why did that comment upset me so much? Has this situation upset me before?”

vs

(impulse) leave the vicinity in spite, hoping they feel just as bad. delete them from social media hoping they feel just as bad.

2. Do: express yourself

Don’t: use self-expression as a means to blame

(Self-expression) “I feel frustrated.”

vs

(Blame) “You make me feel abandoned when you forget.”

Pro Tip: take responsibility of your emotions; try your best to change the use of the phrase “you make me feel..” in any scenario.

3. Do: Acknowledge urges

Don’t: Talk about urges with the intention of guilting

(acknowledgment) “I don’t know how else to feel better other than to relapse.”

vs

(guilting) “Now I want to relapse because you forgot about me.”

4. Do: apologize when you are wrong

Don’t: apologize profusely, or use self-deprecating language.

Pro Tip: putting yourself down is not an apology and makes this about you.

(warranted) “I’m sorry I lashed out. Next time, I will say it differently.”

vs

(unwarranted) “I’m sorry I’m so stupid. You probably want nothing to do with me.”

5. Do: set boundaries

Don’t: give ultimatums

(Boundary) “I won’t continue this conversation because I’m upset and need to leave for now.”

vs

(Ultimatum) “If you can’t respond the way I’d like, then there’s no point in talking anymore”

Support someone splitting: read the second part of this post here.

To learn the 5 misconceptions about splitting, click here.

To learn how to set boundaries, click here.

More advice from me here.

New Site: bpd4bpd.org

Coming Soon:

5 Ways to Repair a Relationship After Splitting

Saturday, June 10, 2023 Growing up, the "would you mind" question was the nice way of telling us to do something without telling us.

My younger sister said "no" the first time she was "asked" and was SO CONFUSED when dad got annoyed.

I don't remember how I reacted the first time I was "asked", but I completely understood her confusion.

I could have gone all day taking screenshots of this thread, but you get the point.

GET TO THE POINT!

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