#communication patterns

We have been together for 15 years, married for 6. Kind of long but my husband the other day admitted to cheating back when we were dating in college (2014, 2016) He said one night at a party he kissed a girl for about a minute or so and when he realized what was happening he threw her off and left the party. He admitted to being drunk and on other substances. I asked him why he did it, he said it was a couple weeks after I told him I didnt love him anymore and didn’t want to be with him anymore. Which I remember doing after a night out with my friends. We kind of never broke up and stayed together but never really talked about it. He then admitted to texting (sexted) another girl a year later inappropriately. He said nothing physical. I asked him why, he said I told him it was ok to text other girls cause we were going through a rough time. (A year or so prior) I did tell him this, I remember of fear of losing him. I know stupid on my part. But I didn’t mean it like that back then. I asked why are you telling me this. He said he woke up one day and his brain was going non stop with shame and guilt. I know he has been in therapy and assuming he has talked about this with is therapist(OCD). He also feels bad about robbing me of the opportunity to stop the relationship back then and omitting it all these years. He said sorry and if I need space he will give it to me. And understands if I am upset. I know he is sincere about the apology. I can tell he is mentally unwell and physically hurting. He’s lost 30lbs from not eating and I found out he has started having suicidal thoughts over this. I just don’t know what to do. I am hurt, mad, sad, all the above. I feel like it’s partly my fault.

I mean, if you told him he could sex others, then that's not cheating? But, regardless, it sounds like you two had a pretty immature and toxic start. I would really suggest couples counseling to process these new revelations and make sure you've sorted through this toxic start and developed healthy and stable patterns (not just healthier, but healthy). You may also find it useful to talk to your own solo therapist about this.

Been with my wife going on 15 years. She always had this quirk but it seems to be getting worse. I need advice on what to do. Whether she's venting about something at work or we are having a disagreement she keeps repeating the same thing over and over and over again. A 5 minute conversation takes 30. In both instances I have stopped her and restated everything and asked her if I am hearing her right and she agrees but then starts again. Most of these things are thing I have 0 control over so outside of letting her know I hear her there is nothing I can do. If it's something I can do I restate what my direction will be from now on and she agrees... But then loops again. I thought this may be a me thing but this past fall she came home upset because her otherwise glowing yearly review at work had a section about essentially her looping. Someone would mess up something at work. It was noted and was really inconsequential but fixed but she seems to bring it up over and over again to a point her bosses noticed. My worry has shifted now to my son (8m). Recently he got in trouble at school for talking during work time. It's an issue and needs to be corrected but she is constantly bringing it up every time they interact like he did something heinous. We both had a talk with him and told him our expectations and he received a punishment and we need to make sure he follows through, but we don't need to harp on him day in and day out. In some instances I have been "stern" with her and tell her "you keep saying the same thing. You agreed with everything I said when I restated your argument, we need to move on from this" Any advice on how to handle this?

Conflict is often an inevitable aspect of human interaction, manifesting across personal, professional, and societal domains. Photo by Polina u2800 on Pexels.com Its presence is not inherently negative; in fact, well-managed conflict can catalyze growth, innovation, and deeper understanding among individuals. However, mismanaged or escalated conflict often leads to emotional turmoil, broken…

the idea:

a modern type of asynchronous, usually text-based, emotional bid that serves as a shorthand for "i saw this and thought of you". penguin pebbles are often memes or short pieces of media like videos, songs, or articles. this is related to, but not the same as, third things (which require synchronicity of gaze).

my original source: