Help My Relationship

My bf and I have been together for a bit over a year. There's a reoccuring issues thats been bothering me.

This happened ysterday where I took him I looked at an old websie of his and I mentioned it looked a bit dated. I do web dev, and his site hasn't been touch in 6 years. I wasn't saying it was ugly, poorly made or bad, I just said it looked like an older site.

He got really frustrated and ended the conversation. He said he was in a good mood and I ruined it. I apologized, and he responded by saying, "Did i ask for your opinion? If you don't have anything nice to say..." and asked how "dated" could ever be a good thing.

This isn't an isolated issue but a recurring one. I'll make a neutral comment or observation, and its gets interpreted as criticism or a personal attack, and he shuts down communication. other examples where when he said in response to a song on the radio that it was cool that an artist worked with the movie Coco, and I asked if the song was a cover and noted its not the version you hear in the main movie. he got defensive, saying, "do you even know who this artist is?" as if i had attacked his opinion. I'm like, dude, my question didn't invalidate your comment. He did look it up and responded saying, "see, we're both right! he did work on the movie but this track was the pop version at the end of the movie!" dude, i never said you were wrong...

Also with that, when theres a relationship issue that needs to be discussed, he usually pushes the conversation off because of various reasons like "i'm in a good mood right now", "i had a good day at work", "i just spent time with my kid i dont want that feeling to be ruined", "it's a holiday", "i just dont want drama". I understand not wanting the day ruined by conflict, but what ends up happening is the conversation never gets resolved and i'm lef siting with anxiety while waiting for him to decide he wants to talk. This happened in febuary when there was an important issue I needed to speak with him about. I waited two weeks, asking him literally every day of the week to speak about things and when he would say "not now" I would wait until he was ready. When vday came I saw him and he was mad at me for not having sex with him because I've been sitting on this issue for at least two weeks and he never made the time to speak of it.

i've asked for things like scheduling a time to discuss issues if we're not going to discuss them immediately, but that hasn't consistently happened. earlier toeday even he said "it's fathers day, I don't want to deal with it" and refused to answer me when I asked, well can we talk about it tomorrow after I'm done with work. He never gave me an answer and i'm expected to just leave him until he determine hes ready to talk. From my perspective, I'm expected to wait until he's ready, while I'm left carrying the unresolved issue.

I've brought up both of these concerns before. I've told him that I need him to assume good intentions when I speak and that I need us to actually address problems instead of indefinitely postponing them.

My question is: how do couples handle situations where one partner frequently feels criticized and the other partner feels unheard? Is there a healthy compromise here, or are these signs of a deeper incompatibility in communication styles?

He is diagnosed ASD, and I am wondering if this is part of his black and white thinking or if anyone has ever felt like him before and can provide some advice and insight. My SO [24M] and I [24-NB] have been together for 9 months now, and have experienced more open communication than either of us have known in previous relationships. We both work caretaking positions, and this is one of the things that attracted me to his heart in the beginning. But there’s a problem. Everything that he consents to, he expects me to consent to, and if theres ever an imbalance where he must care for me when I am not at full capacity, he becomes very annoyed, resentful, and dismissive.

For example, he likes when I give his butt a pat or hold him while we’re out and about. This is well established, as are the ways he doesn’t like being touched which I avoid and apologize for if I overstep. . . but if we’re out and about and I move his hand from my butt to my waist or ask him not to touch me so much because it’s becoming overstimulating, he becomes upset. He says I’ve been touching him all day so it feels unfair that I say no. I ask, “did you like/want me to touch you?” He says yes, and I say, okay that’s what consent is about. If I don’t like/want to be touched in the moment, that’s its own thing. There are so many times I do like being touched and held, but like 20% of the time it will progress too far and I’ll ask him gently to stop or adjust. It doesn’t feel like he sees our consent as things we each possess as individuals, but as a set of points that must be even.

Another way this comes up is in how he reacts to my pain. whenever I’m in pain he becomes weirdly dismissive. For example, I had been feeling unwell all day and when we got home I very quickly developed a fever of 103. My whole body ached and my head hurt in that way where you can’t stand. He seemed a little annoyed and was ignoring me when I asked him to help me walk from the car to the bed, but I brushed it off bc I couldn’t think about much at that point. Once inside it got worse over the next hour. I asked him to go get ibuprofen, but he said that would be too expensive. I just kind of looked at him in disbelief, because what was the other option, let my fever continue to progress? It had gone up two degrees in 20 minutes. It’s like $5, I told him I would pay, I can’t drive, just please go get it. He seemed really annoyed at this point. I asked what was wrong, and he said I was expecting him to care for me in ways I should be able to care for myself if I was alone.* He said I was speaking sternly without any sweetness, and when he was sick he never asked anyone to get him medicine, he’d always get it himself. He said that when I was in pain it was like the only thing that matters in that moment is my pain and he has to drop everything to help me. Eventually he got the medicine, but was on and off with annoyance for the rest of the night until he apologized over dinner.

Another time I had a procedure at the OB that was very invasive and left me in pain. They hadn’t told me how it would work or how painful it would be, so when I got out of the office I hobbled into his arms. He held me and I asked to go home. We walked to the car and I asked him not to touch me too much past my arms and help me into the car. He laughed and said yes. I asked why he was laughing, and he said it was nothing. we were getting in and I said “ow ow please don’t touch me there, just hold the door open”. He laughed again and at this point it was starting to hurt emotionally because I was on the brink of tears and he was acting in that annoyed manner. I pressed about it and he laughed again. He said that when I’m hurting it’s like I forget about him and expect him to be understanding while I don’t show any affection or accommodations**.** Mind you, I had not been out of the office for more than 10 minutes at this point, and he was already feeling like the situation had become unfairly lopsided.

This happens all the time, and I don’t understand it. What does this mean, and what’s happening in his head that it always comes down to him being afraid of me taking advantage of “him if he’s too forgiving” (in his own words)? I’m used to reprioritizing things when my partner or anyone I love is not at full capacity, and it doesn’t feel lopsided or unfair, it feels right to be a caretaker in that moment. He says he may be projecting his own insecurities about relying on others onto me.

Has anyone here ever felt this way, and does anyone have insight into why he has this insecurity? I am at the point where choosing this relationship feels like choosing this issue forever. I would appreciate any advice that could help us overcome this.

Alright guys, its been 7 months since my bf and I broke up. I miss him so so so so much every single day and im dead set on breaking no contact so no one please suggest otherwise. I contacted him 5 months ago, and he didn't want to talk to me then. I just wanted to know if this text was okay to send? No cheating or abuse was involved in the relationship. he relationship ended due to me being severely anxiously attached and insecure and lying a lot as a result. Text: Hey, I know this is out of the blue but I’ve gone back and forth for a while on whether I should reach out. Honestly, part of what held me back was the possibility of being ignored/you are not open to a simple conversation but hey, risk is greater than regret plus my birthday is tomorrow, goes to show that life moves by you quick, so send that risky text lol but I can assure you it’s nothing heavy or intense that I want to talk about and you may or may not see any point of a conversation but I’d really appreciate it if you’d keep a open heart/mind to having one :) other than that I hope you’ve been great!

The text is exceedingly desperate and you very clearly want to have heavy, intense conversation and convince him to get back together. Nothing could make it more clear that you haven't changed at all and are still plagued by insecurity with unhealthy attachments.

I have two younger autistic brothers who will never be able to live independently. Their needs are different. One of my brothers can do basic stuff for himself without much issue but he can't handle the big stuff and he needs reminders to do the basic stuff. My other brother needs way more attention and care and needs help with basic tasks. My mom has been doing it on her own since her husband (the dad of my brothers) became physically disabled three years ago. It was at that point she really started making me feel like I would need to let my brothers live with me when she can no longer take care of them. She has talked about how much they'll need me and I told her I would rather they live somewhere with people who know how to care for them and I can visit. But it's not enough for my mom and it leads to daily fights between us. Some days those are one sided because I just don't answer the phone or reply to her texts and since I no longer live with her it's easier to avoid. My mom said if I'm not willing to take over then she'll probably be dead before she can have time with her grandkids because she'll be exhausted and worn down and probably very sick. I asked her what grandkids and she looked at me like I was crazy because I always wanted to be a dad. I told her if my brothers are in my care then I won't be having kids because there is no way I could juggle all that or ask my future spouse to do it. My mom told me it was an awful way to look at it and I told her it's true. I said if she wants grandkids she needs to figure out a different way for my brothers to be cared for. And that led to even more anger and fights (both attempted and two sided fights). It feels like we're very stuck in terms of our relationship. I feel bad for my mom and all she has to do but I think she's also being very cruel about all of this and incredibly unrealistic to what life will look like if I take in my brothers. But I can't talk to her without her going crazy.

I think you actually need to increase the amount of no contact. Tell her plainly and simply, "mom, I am not going to be my brother's caregivers. This is not a discussion. I love you and want you in my life, but I cannot do this anymore. I need [three months] of no contact. I am hoping in that time I can work on my mental health, you can consider other solutions, and our relationship will get some space so we can heal instead of things getting completely destroyed. I love you. I will talk to you in a couple of months."

And then block all her contact and stick to your timeline. I suggest somewhere around three months minimum, as it gives her time to process her feelings about this and see that you are serious about this. But you might choose anywhere up to even 12 months. In this time, she could also potentially start the process of therapy and develop better ways to handle her anxiety than by hurting you. If you do any shorter, she may just store up that anger and hurt and return to fighting 10x worse when you resume contact. I think the longer the period of no contact, the better chance it has of making a difference.

Then, when you resume contact, you can feel things out about how it's going to go. And if you need to enforce boundaries, like ending conversations or staying low contact or extending no contact, it'll be easier for you to know you can do it and she may be more likely to change her behavior knowing that you mean what you say and you're willing to cut things off if she pushes too far. It may also be a consideration to get family counseling together if she shows a willingness to stop harassing you over this to help repair things.

I’m a 34F and recently lost my job. It’s been about a week, and I haven’t told anyone - not my family, friends, or my boyfriend (38M). I’ve always been a very private person and tend to process difficult situations internally before talking about them. When something goes wrong, my instinct is usually to take time to figure things out on my own rather than share it right away. It’s not that I don’t value support from others; opening up about personal struggles just doesn’t come naturally to me. I also find vulnerability very uncomfortable and generally prefer to deal with difficult things privately rather than let others see me struggling. My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year and have a serious relationship, but we don’t live together and don’t share finances or any financial obligations. Technically, my job loss doesn’t affect him directly. The problem is that I hate deflecting when he asks how my day was or how work is going. At the same time, I have no desire to discuss being unemployed and honestly don’t think I ever want to tell anyone. Would most people expect a partner to share something like this? If he found out months later that I lost my job and never told him, would he likely be hurt, even though it had no direct impact on him? I’m trying to be more open in relationships, but this is something I’m really struggling with.

It's not about being accountable about your finances or whatever. It's about: why did this person whom I love not trust me enough to be able to share their hurt and struggle with me? Why did they not trust me to support them through this and emotionally share this burden? If they're not telling me about the big things in their life, how much are they actually telling me, and can I ever truly know them if they don't trust me enough to talk to me? What am I doing wrong that they don't feel safe with me?

My girlfriend is playing trick on me or dosen't like me? I'm male (24) my girlfriend is 27, we met in 2022, at college. We talked from time to time, in this interval months apart about college. In 2023 i told her that i liked her very much and this was her respons then "I'll be honest, I'm straight forward. I'm not looking for a relationship...I've never been. I fell in love...it didn't work out...and right now I don't want anyone's company. I'm going through a tough time trying to recover from a depression. I've barely given up on finishing the semester :)))))) I appreciate it, but right now I want to be alone to get back on my feet" Then (1 month after) she invited me to a hike and it was awesom, haven't kiss her tho. Them quiet for a time. And now. In 2026 in May we went out for a walk very beautiful i hug her and we went out three more times. Last time, (last week) i kiss her on the cheek after i hugged her she didn't say anything positive nor negative. She wanted to get out to gow somewhere to visit, planned hikes. Eat out a pizza. Before this last date I even bought her a gift, a bracelet, a book. She gift me a book back also. I even bought her a gift, a bracelet, a book. She gift me a book back also. But now she barely responds to my messages, i saw her online and didn't respond, at all. I feel like trash. Giving me mix signals or tf. She also almost never ask about myself, just complains about what she has been through with joining the army, i always support her but, never even asks me about how i feel that day nor any other day. Edit: yea, i do see a psychiatrist,

This is really concerning because this is not a mixed message at all. Asking someone out doesn't make them your girlfriend. You asked her out, and she very clearly told you no. She is not and has never been your girlfriend.

I (21F) have a 3 year old from a previous relationship. My toddler is slightly on the spectrum and has appointments every week I take him to. Me and my partner (M25) are not married, we have only been together for a year and a half, but we moved pretty quickly and live together and split rent and utilities and such. I work three jobs, my day starts at 6 AM and by the time I get home and have finished all 3 jobs, it is usually about midnight. I have a day off a week. I take time in between the second and third job to get my kid to sleep whenever it is my days with them as they do still see their dad. I am also in college. To say the least, I am exhausted. I only make about $2,700 a month now and any extra income aside from bills 1 am scraping to pay off all my debt. My credit cards are maxed out from not being able to pay bills previously, I have loans, my car, school, etc. However, my partner only works one job, roughly 45 hours a week (sales job), but he makes anywhere from $3,000-$6,000 every two weeks usually. It's sales, so it definitely fluctuates and sometimes he doesn't always make good but still always much more money than I'd ever see. He is able to spend on his hobbies and go do those hobbies in his free time. Meanwhile, I'm barely able to shower half the time, I have no hobbies and no free time, haven't seen any friends in 4 months, and barely am even able to have time with my kid, which is absolutely heartbreaking for me. I am so burnt out. I've not been doing well in school anymore and slacking slightly in my jobs. I just don't know how to physically keep up anymore. A lot of people close to him have told me they felt he needed to step up and help out. He does occasionally help, he will get my gas when I can't afford it and I'll pay him back for that, and he does get most of the food (we put a lot unfortunately due to our schedules, mostly fast food no expensive restaurants). Me working so much has affected our relationship as well. We don't have time to do anything anymore, we go weeks without sex even. I just want to lay down and go to sleep when I get home. I am the only one who cleans, and will make the occasional attempt to cook, even though it's so late most the time, I still try to when I can afford groceries. He does his own laundry. I'm not really sure where to post this, I really just need advice on how to proceed or if it's the right thing to do. I feel bad even at the thought of maybe asking him to help just a little more, it makes me sick. Would it be right to ask him to help?

Here's my random assortment of thoughts:

What was your agreement with this man? You two moved in really fast (which omg gives me the shudders for your child's safety). How did you agree to do finances? He's making 3x what you are, so I would say all shared expenses should be covered majority by him, like 75/25. But I have no idea what you two talked about or agreed on because you've said nothing about it.

You're out 18 hours a day. He works 9 hours a day. Why are you doing all the housework? You're not home long enough to sleep, much less clean. If he doesn't want to do the cleaning, he certainly makes enough to pay someone to do it. But maybe it's your agreement that you'll take care of your kid's mess, but how is your kid making a mess if they can never be at your house because you're never at your house? Is he watching your child full time?

What's the custody agreement? Who has the child the majority of the time (or is it equal), and if applicable, is there a legal agreement about child support?

What is this man's relationship to your child??? From this, it kinda sounds like he and your child are roommates, which is...very weird for this age. That's doable and may be the preference for a teenager, but a three year old??? I cannot wrap my head around this relationship at all.

These friends and family who think you need help. Are they offering you any help??? Or are they just voluntelling someone else?

What is it you want from a relationship? Why are you in one? What do you think a relationship should add to your life? Are you getting any of that from this relationship?

How does your child factor into the above?

I'm in a situationship(long distance) with a guy. Realistically there's no future and we'll most likely never have sex. Before him, I sent nudes to a random guy online 1.5 years ago. I regret it now and don't send nudes anymore. When he found out, he was devastated. He had an anxiety attack, spent hours crying and comparing himself to the other guy, saying that someone who didn't care about me got access to a side of me that he never will. To be clear, he says the issue isn't really the nudes themselves. He says he feels less valued than the guy who got them and keeps comparing himself to him. He keeps asking "why him and not me?". My view is that my boundaries changed. Just because I did something in the past doesn't mean I want to keep doing it forever. If anything, I often feel more hesitant and vulnerable with people I'm emotionally invested in. He says he doesn't want more than the other guy got. He just wants to feel like he wasn't given less. Is he being reasonable? Am I being unfair? Or are we simply incompatible?

I [20F] and my boyfriend [19M] have been dating for about 6 months. We are both new at relationships, so I tried to offer him the same grace as I awarded myself. However, I cannot continue to compromise my values for the someone else’s sake. Although our relationship itself has been brief, we have known each other for far longer, since elementary school, and have been friends since then until recently entering a relationship together. I would like to note that I have social anxiety. If you are a writer, and especially if you are neurodivergent, you are aware of how daunting it may feel to share your work. On several occasions, I have shared my writing with my boyfriend and have received scarce replies. Sometimes, he hasn’t replied at all and simply put a heart reaction on my messages. I have asked him to give feedback and get more curious, but he says he can't because he's just awkward. I would never expect him to pretend to like something that I do, but I do expect a certain degree of emotional reciprocity. He has shared his passions with me, and although I am a layman for most of them, I have tried my best to make thoughful conversations with him-- asking him follow-up questions, and even doing further research of my own to connect with him more easily on the subject. But I feel that the care I put in for him has not been matched in equal measure. I’d like to know what to do going forward. I don’t think that our relationship is salvageable simply because of how deeply held my principles on this are. I do not want to stumble into another relationship unprepared, or allow something like this to go on for as long as it did.

My boyfriend (25M) and I (25F) has been in a relationship for more than 2 years. We don’t live together, but I stay over at his place in the weekend. He is diagnosed with OCD so everything is mentally exhausting for him. I try to help him and be understanding about it, but I keep feeling unappreciated when he says no to my “simple” requests (in quotations because I know simple to me is not simple to him). For example, he would say no when I asked for proper cooked meal instead of microwave food, because he hated getting the stove dirty. I usually bring takeaways on my way to his place every week, so one week when I asked if he could manage dinner because it was raining heavily so I didn’t want to take a detour to the takeaway place, he said me bringing over dinner is a routine and I could wait until the rain is over. He would say no when I wanted to bring over my violin so I can play at his place because he hated changes and cluttering spaces. He would say no to traveling to new places with me, because “that’s how he is”, but when we’re finally there he will enjoy it (I have to pester him again and again for him to finally cave). He has full access to my phone, but I’m forbidden to touch his, and if I ask what’s he’s doing on his phone, he will ignore me or get angry that I’m making things difficult for him. When I had a talk with him about how I felt like he didn’t want to put effort into me, he said I just took his effort for granted. I asked him to give examples, and he said about how he always did the groceries, and he let me choose the tv series and music when I’m at his place, and he always cleaned up after me. Basically letting me into his life is a lot of effort for him, and that he kept trying but nothing is enough for me. I would also say how much effort I put for him, how I rarely declines his requests, he said I have it easier than him, and doing things aren’t as difficult for me as they are for him. He would also profusely apologize for being a bad person and say that I deserve better and I shouldn’t have to put up with him. On the one hand, I care about him a lot, and there has been countless times when he cried to me saying how he was scared that his condition was getting worse, and was denied treatments (I won’t go into details but it wasn’t his fault). I know he’s trying his best to be with me, despite all my flaws. On the other hand, I feel I’m not receiving what I want from a partner anymore. He couldn’t kiss me if I have lip balm, and he has never said he loved me because he couldn’t bring himself to say it, cuddling in bed before sleep is a torture for him. What can I do in this situation? Find him professional help? (I don’t even know where to start). Declining his requests more often so I don’t feel an imbalance in efforts between me and him?

A) The fact that his OCD appears to be incredibly poorly to not at all managed is not a good sign. It is surprising to hear that he has sought treatment and is afraid his mental state is getting worse because he's not doing anything to help himself. OCD is not managed by living by your compulsions. It's managed by challenging your obsessions and learning to manage the emotions of not complying with them. If he's not doing that, his OCD is going to continue to grow worse and take over more and more of his life.

B) Perhaps he is genuinely trying his best. Tbh, that doesn't much matter because...