Help My Relationship

We had talked about the topic many times, we had gotten handsy and so on, but never actually did it. I was and am very flirty, I thought having our first time would calm us both down and would let out all the pent up tension we had. On god it didn't. I mean, he seems much more calm now, but I ain't. I feel things way too intensely, like I can't let go. I ask him to come over my place everyday, I text him all the time and get kind of sad when he doesn't answer quick. This is not an issue I've had in past relationships (if anything, it was the opposite, I used to be very detached and had problems expressing care). We see each other everyday, and I just can't seem to let go and I feel a bit of a weird stress when he isn't around. Which is odd cuz I'm usually the type of person who needs some time alone. I suppose it's the intimacy that lit this emotions up, but it feels really intense, like, uncontrollably intense. I worry a little bit about coming off as too much for him. I know he's clingy too but I feel like if I don't control myself, I'll come off as obsessed, controlling or selfish. I don't want him to believe that I only want to spend time alone to be intimate, I also want to cuddle, watch movies or cook together. But I always end up escalating things. I feel like he needs some time alone too and I'm trying to respect that, but I keep having this aching feeling of needing him. Is there anything I can do to calm myself or at least soothe these emotions? I really don't know what has gotten into me.

I really think a good grounding exercise would help here. You may also find it useful to start practicing some DBT, especially in the realm of specific emotional regulation skills.

Beyond that, when's the last time you hung out with your friends? Or took a solid chunk of time to just sit down and do any of your hobbies? Finding other things to do to occupy your time that you find enjoyable will be really helpful here.

I recently reconnected with my high school ex, Gina. We dated throughout high school, and we were a lot of each other's first (First serious relationship, kiss, sexual experience, etc). We were honestly very compatible, but after graduating, we went to different universities in different cities and just couldn't make the LDR work, and mutually agreed to end things. After graduating from uni, I returned to my hometown for work whilst she worked in another city.

Fast forward to the present, a few weeks ago, I noticed on social media that she started working in our hometown as well, with her office just a half-hour drive from my place. I texted her, and we agreed to meet up. We met at a cafe near her office and caught up on life updates. She was honestly just like how i remembered her, softspoken, funny, smart, interesting, and non-judgmental. It was honestly very nice since it has been a while since I was able to just let down my walls and be completely vulnerable and feel at peace. I was in a string of toxic/abusive relationships and was in a constant fight or flight mode, so talking to her felt really amazing.

We laughed and talked whilst reminiscing the "good old times". Turns out we both just ended a long-term relationship, with mine ending 3 months ago and hers 5 months ago. We eventually got to the topic of families and she asked how my family was doing because she knew how much of a family man i was and how close i am with my family. I'm the youngest of 4 siblings with all my siblings being married and already having kids. I have a total of 7 nephews and 2 nieces and I love each and every one of them so much. I told Gina this and said that I've loved kids ever since I held my first nephew in my arms, and ever since then, I wanted to have a big family. She went quiet and said "That's lovely, hopefully soon you can start your own family." and then i asked "What about you? planning on marrying soon or having a big family?" she softly said "I do want kids but idk if I'll ever get them". I was a bit confused by this so i asked what she meant and she replied with "owh you know its hard for even healthy people to have kids sometimes." I was still a bit confused, but at the time i felt like it was a sufficient answer. We talked a bit more and eventually went home.

We continued to talk over the following weeks and grew even closer. Yesterday we met up at my place and the mood was light as usual. We talked about relationships and then she said theres something she needed to say. She held my hands and put her other hand on my cheek, her hands were as soft as i remember them. She looked at me and said "You are my first love and ever since i've known you i've never stopped loving you. Whatever our situation may be i will always love you". We then kissed and it was amazing, ive never felt such at peace with someone. She then pulled away and said "But i think we need to stop seeing each other". I was obviously taken aback and asked her why and what she meant. She then explained, "I want nothing more than to be with you and start a family with you, but I can't give you what you've always dreamed of." I then asked her why, and she explained that she is unable to have children. She has a rare genetic disorder called MRKH that caused her uterus to not be fully developed therefore causing her to be fully sterile.

This information was honestly earth-shattering. I first thought that we could just adopt as i've always planned on adopting at least 2 kids myself anyway, but i also always wanted to have my own biological children. And surrogacy is not an option as it is against my personal religious beliefs and illegal in my country . I genuinely want to be with this woman and feel like she could be the love of my life but I also don't want to let go of my dream of having kids. I'm now so very torn and don't know what to do. I've asked my friends and family but they have no answer as well they all know how much i've dreamt about being a dad but they also all love Gina. I really need help

My boyfriend doesn’t have a romantic bone in his body. And honestly at this point it’s kind of zapping the romantic out of me too. It’s hard to keep up trying when nothing is hardly, if ever given in return. I am always the one who’s giving compliment, making decisions, giving gifts, remembering dates, telling him how much he means to me, checking in on him, etc. He doesn’t even remember my birthday unless I remind him. But he’s funny, and considerate with his friends, and will occasionally give me glimpses into him being sweet when I ask. Would it unkind of me to just stop putting in as much effort as I have been? I love him, I really don’t want to leave him. But I think I’m draining myself being the only one trying.

I (34F) have been with my boyfriend (33M) for five years. We have both made real improvements compared to earlier in the relationship, but I still feel like certain patterns between us remain. The main issue for me is that I struggle to feel emotionally relaxed in the relationship. When conflicts or concerns come up, conversations can sometimes become long and emotionally intense. I often end up in a role where I am explaining myself, clarifying things, or trying to de-escalate the situation. Over time this has become draining. And sometimes, things I say today can come up days och weeks from now in a ways I did not see coming. Because of this, I have also become more guarded emotionally. I don’t share my deeper thoughts and feelings in the same way anymore, because I worry about how they will be interpreted or that they will lead to longer discussions than I feel able to handle. At the same time, my partner notices when I withdraw or become tense and asks what is wrong. In those moments, there is not always anything specific happening in the present, but I can already feel myself anticipating conflict based on past experiences. When I try to explain this, it can sometimes be experienced as criticism, which makes it harder to talk about. This creates a cycle: I become tense internally, he senses a shift and asks about it, and the conversation can then escalate into the very thing I was already bracing for. Even in good moments, I often feel somewhat on alert, as if I am waiting for an emotional shift. When I try to explain my feelings, it sometimes gets interpreted as me attacking his character. I struggle with how to express myself without referring to specific past examples, because those are often what make him feel criticized. He has also said that he sometimes feels like he needs to be perfect in order to avoid me leaving, and I notice that this can make it harder for him to bring up things that are bothering him or making him feel hurt or unloved. At the same time, I also notice that I sometimes become frustrated or shut down when he does bring things up, because I already feel quite emotionally stretched from trying to manage these kinds of conversations. Even though I care about him and can see that there have been real improvements over time, I feel emotionally exhausted and stuck in a pattern where I’m both trying to regulate the emotional dynamic between us and protect myself from getting overwhelmed. I don’t know if this is something that can be improved through better communication and time, or if the dynamic between us has become something more deeply ingrained. Has anyone experienced something like this? I’ve tried ending the relationship several times before, but I’m wondering what kinds of changes in my own behavior would actually make a long-term difference.

Relationship has always been rather rocky and unstable

Not feeling safe in relationship

Always waiting for the other shoe to drop

Conflicts are long and explosive

You are never listened to in conflicts and de-escalation is somehow always your responsibility even though you're unlikely to be the one escalating things

Problems you bring up are always made out to be an attack or otherwise invalid

Problems he brings up are always your fault

You aren't even allowed to have feelings without it being interpreted as an attack on him

It's never your turn to be comforted

Describing the mood of the environment as a cycle

Not allowed to end the relationship

How positive are you that you are not in an abusive relationship? Because it sounds like you're in an abusive relationship.

My bf and I have been together for 4 years and living together for 2 years. I have graduated with my degree and have been looking dor a job. Several months ago i brought up moving cities to find more work in my field and be closer to my family. He was all for it as he hasnt started a career and has worked part time for the last 3 years at a place he doesn't love. I offered to cover costs the first couple months until he can find a job in the new city as I have been working and saving the last 3 years for this exact reason.

Last week, I was offered a year contract in a town nearby my home city that is a great pay with benefits and pension. Good enough pay that I can cover the costs of moving and float us for a couple months until he finds a job.

Tuesday, he told me he wasn't sure about moving. When I asked why he said he didn't know. I said I would give him some time to think about it, talk to friends and come back with concerns so we can work through it and figure out the situation. At no point did he say he wanted to break up, or offer an idea of what would happen if he didn't move.

Its sunday now. He said he still doesn't know. He has been off for several of those days where him and his friend played video games all day and never talked about the potential move.

I have tried to bring it up a couple times this week and he said he can't open up to me. Apparently, he has only ever opened up to 5 people and none are me. I asked if he thinks he could ever open up to me or if there is something I could do to help or if there is something I did to make him not trust me. Nope, nothing.

What am I suppose to do here? Is it worth it to try couples councilling? I dont know how else to get him to trust me. When he first moved in he was off for 6 months due to surgery and I supported us so I dont know why he would not trust me. I asked him to sleep at his friend's tonight because I have been sleeping on the couch the last 2 days and I need a goodnight sleep without him (a) waking me up to have sex or (b) sucking up to me with nice words without addressing the issue. Thank you for any advice.

This person and I have been in years-long situationship / fwb context but the whole thing intensified from October 2025 onwards. Communication every day, intimacy, mutual vulnerability, and all of that. The last few months have been specifically intense as he’s depressed (despite drying it) and often didn’t have the energies to talk. The whole thing is even more complex as we’re long distance. Recently I realised that his ambivalence and inability to communicate triggered my old anxious attachment. After lots of pondering, I’ve acknowledged he’s not secure for me right now and I must prioritise my wellbeing (never done such things before). Yesterday I told him I want to go no contact, explaining all the above and more vulnerable stuff. He simply said well go this way if that’s what I want and that he doesn’t know how to respond. I felt invalidated in his inability to meet me emotionally. He’s very introspective and has always been caring towards me and attentive whenever I needed. I specify I don’t want to be in a relationship with this person. That was not and is not my intent. However, I do recognise there’s more than attraction and sex involved, and he’s been expressive on this point more than I have. How would you read his (non-)answer? Am I delusional in thinking he might be overwhelmed by my sudden decision to go no contact and emotionally outpouring? Are there any interpretations you can think of?

One night my husband & I went out with this 'friend'. While we were out, we were all drinking & my husband was distracted by a group of young guys at another table, he was staring, looking them up & down & generally distracted by their presence. I told him that I found it disrespectful that he was making it so obvious that he was ogling them. He stormed off, he then started sending me messages saying it was over & being nasty. I was in tears & this 'friend' asked me why im so upset about him checking out the guys, I told her that he cheated on me while we were dating (meant to be monogamous but we hadn't slept together 6 months into the relationship) & was trying to get hookups on grindr a few days after proposing to me (I found out about that a few days before the wedding). We've worked hard to transcend that time but admittedly i do feel a bit insecure when an incident like this happens, it sort of brings alot of the hurt back. We have since had a falling out with this 'friend' (my husband moreso) & they are threatening to tell my husband about what I spoke about that night if I don't go along with what they say. I would be truly grateful on any advice you guys have, on how to deal with this. I love my husband dearly & don't want to embarrass or hurt him, I told this 'friend' as I trusted & I was very hurt at the time. What would you do in this situation?

A) I'd laugh at this former friend and let them try. Your husband knows he cheated. That isn't blackmail. This person is pathetic. Besides, no good ever comes of giving into blackmail. Really the only way to handle it is to come clean about whatever is being threatened and take away the blackmailer's power.

B) Your husband sounds like a real ass. First, he cheats. Second, he cheats multiple times. Then, he's a creep who goes out and leers at young adults. And, when he's called on it, instead of taking accountability or being a mature adult, he lashes out and punishes you for it. Finally, I'm assuming this is somehow blackmail because he, like, forbade you from talking about it or whatever, telling me he really never took any accountability of his cheating. Like, no, you shouldn't go around trying to ruin his friendships with it, but it shouldn't be a damn secret to protect him. He fucked up, and he hurt you, and then he acts like a creep in public and makes you seem uncomfortably insecure in front of your friends. Honestly, HE should have been the one to say "oh hey, I cheated, so that was a fair call out because I'm not being good rebuilding trust in this moment. It was creepy and wrong of me to be leering" to preserve your rep. And instead he stormed off and got nasty. Are you guys both rebuilding - or are you overlooking a whole lot of shitty behavior because you're that afraid of being single?

so it started when things were messy and i said lets break up and dude actually said yes and left .i kept crying a lot and idk somehow that scared him away and he used tht as a reason telling it was scary and how can i guarentee u wtever . and then he said i love you so much and kept contacting me no one knew we were talking…so without coming back to a relationship he starting speaking dirty and stuff and then pooof he told we are incompatible and left and next month he says his friends he wants me back..his friends said nope u have hurt her enough let her go ..she is happy and glowing now .. after that incident after 1 month he is with a new girl. so there was noreason for a breakup . no closure nothing

my ex boyfriend broke up with me in February after 5 years together for a lot of reasons, he felt I was dismissive, he’d lost his individuality, etc. We were in couples therapy but he didn’t think it was working, I didn’t want to break up but I accepted the situation because what else could I do? Anyway, the breakup has shockingly actually worked out pretty well for me. He wanted to stay friends and even wanted me to stay in his family group chats, and come to his family events. But I realized I didn’t want that and honestly he hasn’t historically treated his friends the best and I didn’t desire that for myself so I essentially went no contact. I’ve moved on strangely easily, picked up another job, some hobbies, got a new apartment, my friends have been super supportive, overall been super happy! However, when we were together I bought a cat, specifically to look like my childhood cat who i’d lost. My ex helped chipped in a little bit for his initial cost, but overall he was my cat. I paid his initial vet bills, picked his name, and had the final say in any decisions involving him. But my ex loved him and got very attached, so did his family. But now that we have broken up my ex is claiming the cat is just as much his as mine, and has asked to have him 10 days out of every month. This arrangement has made it impossible to cut him off completely, and I even told him I felt like he was holding me hostage in his life via the cat but he just keeps insisting it’s his cat too and says he’ll fight for the cat if that is what it takes. I get he loves the cat but I thought we were clear that it is my cat first and foremost and I don’t understand why that narrative has suddenly shifted. I’m honestly just exhausted and I just want him to leave me alone, and I’m also not understanding what the point of all this is. I just want to move on with my life and it feels like this is keeping me stuck.

So I (25F) am in a kinda long distance relationship with my bf (M25). We live almost 2 hours away from eachother. Im still in nursing school so I just find it easier to drive to him. Anyways, when we first met i remember telling him that his breath smelled nice and that i was surprised since ive been meeting men who don’t brush their teeth, floss, etc. and he was telling me how he brushes his teeth twice a day, glosses etc. Anyways, as we started dating, i realized that he didn’t brush his teeth once during the whole weekend I was with him, just would brush them before I came over. He would do yard work and stuff and not shower once the whole weekend im there. He leaves a ton of moldy food plates, food, beer bottles, dishes, etc in his room for weeks upon weeks. I’ve mentioned to him before but he just said he’s a messy person, but my dude…he has his bachelors in MICROBIOLOGY. I’ve noticed he has lots of plaque build up on the back of his teeth as well. And his breath will stink and he will stink. He has tons of friends so idk why they don’t say anything. But he doesn’t look gross, only when he lets himself get greasy. And he looks clean and presentable when I first come over and when he goes to work. But I think I noticed he didn’t brush his teeth before work before? I’ve communicated it before and I really don’t want to mother someone who should know that they need to be showering (especially since they have foreskin), brush their teeth, and at least get rid of all the moldy stuff in his room. There’s sooo many beer bottles and half empty sodas with MOLD on top of them. He also has his dog in this situation. Im at a loss of what more I can do or should do. Im kinda worried for my health.

I ‘26F’ and my boyfriend ‘25M’ broke up for a little over a year and got back together a few months ago. Throughout our time apart there was a lot of back and forth and issues that transpired between us that caused most of my friends to cut me off or distance themselves. My boyfriend on the other hand still has all of the same friends as he did before and none of his friendships were compromised during our time apart. I think this is partially because I voiced a lot of my frustrations towards him to my friends and from what i’ve gathered, he kept most of it to himself. Now that we are back together, he is really one of my only friends besides those who i see sporadically. He is my main source of support and the person i look to for most everything. Even my family has distanced themselves in some capacity. I love my boyfriend very much and i see a future with him but it’s very isolating to know that he has such a huge support system and my circle is very small. Any advice on what to do about this? Like i said i love him and honestly breaking up again isn’t an option for me but I really miss having friends and people to hangout with outside of him.

You should get your butt to therapy and re-think this relationship because if this isn't the biggest red flag of abuse, I don't know what is.