Help My Relationship

I (21F) have a 3 year old from a previous relationship. My toddler is slightly on the spectrum and has appointments every week I take him to. Me and my partner (M25) are not married, we have only been together for a year and a half, but we moved pretty quickly and live together and split rent and utilities and such. I work three jobs, my day starts at 6 AM and by the time I get home and have finished all 3 jobs, it is usually about midnight. I have a day off a week. I take time in between the second and third job to get my kid to sleep whenever it is my days with them as they do still see their dad. I am also in college. To say the least, I am exhausted. I only make about $2,700 a month now and any extra income aside from bills 1 am scraping to pay off all my debt. My credit cards are maxed out from not being able to pay bills previously, I have loans, my car, school, etc. However, my partner only works one job, roughly 45 hours a week (sales job), but he makes anywhere from $3,000-$6,000 every two weeks usually. It's sales, so it definitely fluctuates and sometimes he doesn't always make good but still always much more money than I'd ever see. He is able to spend on his hobbies and go do those hobbies in his free time. Meanwhile, I'm barely able to shower half the time, I have no hobbies and no free time, haven't seen any friends in 4 months, and barely am even able to have time with my kid, which is absolutely heartbreaking for me. I am so burnt out. I've not been doing well in school anymore and slacking slightly in my jobs. I just don't know how to physically keep up anymore. A lot of people close to him have told me they felt he needed to step up and help out. He does occasionally help, he will get my gas when I can't afford it and I'll pay him back for that, and he does get most of the food (we put a lot unfortunately due to our schedules, mostly fast food no expensive restaurants). Me working so much has affected our relationship as well. We don't have time to do anything anymore, we go weeks without sex even. I just want to lay down and go to sleep when I get home. I am the only one who cleans, and will make the occasional attempt to cook, even though it's so late most the time, I still try to when I can afford groceries. He does his own laundry. I'm not really sure where to post this, I really just need advice on how to proceed or if it's the right thing to do. I feel bad even at the thought of maybe asking him to help just a little more, it makes me sick. Would it be right to ask him to help?

Here's my random assortment of thoughts:

What was your agreement with this man? You two moved in really fast (which omg gives me the shudders for your child's safety). How did you agree to do finances? He's making 3x what you are, so I would say all shared expenses should be covered majority by him, like 75/25. But I have no idea what you two talked about or agreed on because you've said nothing about it.

You're out 18 hours a day. He works 9 hours a day. Why are you doing all the housework? You're not home long enough to sleep, much less clean. If he doesn't want to do the cleaning, he certainly makes enough to pay someone to do it. But maybe it's your agreement that you'll take care of your kid's mess, but how is your kid making a mess if they can never be at your house because you're never at your house? Is he watching your child full time?

What's the custody agreement? Who has the child the majority of the time (or is it equal), and if applicable, is there a legal agreement about child support?

What is this man's relationship to your child??? From this, it kinda sounds like he and your child are roommates, which is...very weird for this age. That's doable and may be the preference for a teenager, but a three year old??? I cannot wrap my head around this relationship at all.

These friends and family who think you need help. Are they offering you any help??? Or are they just voluntelling someone else?

What is it you want from a relationship? Why are you in one? What do you think a relationship should add to your life? Are you getting any of that from this relationship?

How does your child factor into the above?

I'm in a situationship(long distance) with a guy. Realistically there's no future and we'll most likely never have sex. Before him, I sent nudes to a random guy online 1.5 years ago. I regret it now and don't send nudes anymore. When he found out, he was devastated. He had an anxiety attack, spent hours crying and comparing himself to the other guy, saying that someone who didn't care about me got access to a side of me that he never will. To be clear, he says the issue isn't really the nudes themselves. He says he feels less valued than the guy who got them and keeps comparing himself to him. He keeps asking "why him and not me?". My view is that my boundaries changed. Just because I did something in the past doesn't mean I want to keep doing it forever. If anything, I often feel more hesitant and vulnerable with people I'm emotionally invested in. He says he doesn't want more than the other guy got. He just wants to feel like he wasn't given less. Is he being reasonable? Am I being unfair? Or are we simply incompatible?

I [20F] and my boyfriend [19M] have been dating for about 6 months. We are both new at relationships, so I tried to offer him the same grace as I awarded myself. However, I cannot continue to compromise my values for the someone else’s sake. Although our relationship itself has been brief, we have known each other for far longer, since elementary school, and have been friends since then until recently entering a relationship together. I would like to note that I have social anxiety. If you are a writer, and especially if you are neurodivergent, you are aware of how daunting it may feel to share your work. On several occasions, I have shared my writing with my boyfriend and have received scarce replies. Sometimes, he hasn’t replied at all and simply put a heart reaction on my messages. I have asked him to give feedback and get more curious, but he says he can't because he's just awkward. I would never expect him to pretend to like something that I do, but I do expect a certain degree of emotional reciprocity. He has shared his passions with me, and although I am a layman for most of them, I have tried my best to make thoughful conversations with him-- asking him follow-up questions, and even doing further research of my own to connect with him more easily on the subject. But I feel that the care I put in for him has not been matched in equal measure. I’d like to know what to do going forward. I don’t think that our relationship is salvageable simply because of how deeply held my principles on this are. I do not want to stumble into another relationship unprepared, or allow something like this to go on for as long as it did.

My boyfriend (25M) and I (25F) has been in a relationship for more than 2 years. We don’t live together, but I stay over at his place in the weekend. He is diagnosed with OCD so everything is mentally exhausting for him. I try to help him and be understanding about it, but I keep feeling unappreciated when he says no to my “simple” requests (in quotations because I know simple to me is not simple to him). For example, he would say no when I asked for proper cooked meal instead of microwave food, because he hated getting the stove dirty. I usually bring takeaways on my way to his place every week, so one week when I asked if he could manage dinner because it was raining heavily so I didn’t want to take a detour to the takeaway place, he said me bringing over dinner is a routine and I could wait until the rain is over. He would say no when I wanted to bring over my violin so I can play at his place because he hated changes and cluttering spaces. He would say no to traveling to new places with me, because “that’s how he is”, but when we’re finally there he will enjoy it (I have to pester him again and again for him to finally cave). He has full access to my phone, but I’m forbidden to touch his, and if I ask what’s he’s doing on his phone, he will ignore me or get angry that I’m making things difficult for him. When I had a talk with him about how I felt like he didn’t want to put effort into me, he said I just took his effort for granted. I asked him to give examples, and he said about how he always did the groceries, and he let me choose the tv series and music when I’m at his place, and he always cleaned up after me. Basically letting me into his life is a lot of effort for him, and that he kept trying but nothing is enough for me. I would also say how much effort I put for him, how I rarely declines his requests, he said I have it easier than him, and doing things aren’t as difficult for me as they are for him. He would also profusely apologize for being a bad person and say that I deserve better and I shouldn’t have to put up with him. On the one hand, I care about him a lot, and there has been countless times when he cried to me saying how he was scared that his condition was getting worse, and was denied treatments (I won’t go into details but it wasn’t his fault). I know he’s trying his best to be with me, despite all my flaws. On the other hand, I feel I’m not receiving what I want from a partner anymore. He couldn’t kiss me if I have lip balm, and he has never said he loved me because he couldn’t bring himself to say it, cuddling in bed before sleep is a torture for him. What can I do in this situation? Find him professional help? (I don’t even know where to start). Declining his requests more often so I don’t feel an imbalance in efforts between me and him?

A) The fact that his OCD appears to be incredibly poorly to not at all managed is not a good sign. It is surprising to hear that he has sought treatment and is afraid his mental state is getting worse because he's not doing anything to help himself. OCD is not managed by living by your compulsions. It's managed by challenging your obsessions and learning to manage the emotions of not complying with them. If he's not doing that, his OCD is going to continue to grow worse and take over more and more of his life.

B) Perhaps he is genuinely trying his best. Tbh, that doesn't much matter because...

I will admit it's a bit of a weird one. I've recently accepted the fact that I'm very much into the BDSM/kink lifestyle. I'd been hoping I could just find someone, but lurched from terrible relationship to terrible relationship to being completely single and essentially nun-like for the past three years or so. And then peri-menopause came along with it's lorry loads of hormones and turned me into a bit of a lustful girl. At the same time I was ready to finally come out and admit that yes, vanilla life was not for me. So I signed up for a fetish social media/dating site and I've been like a kid in a sweet shop (this may be a really bad analogy). Met a guy, he was into the same things as me, we jelled, and then I discovered he had a whole "wants to be called daddy" thing. Fair enough. Not my bag, but I went with it. The first time we got intimate on the phone he was talking dirty to me, and he said a weird thing "imagine you are little and you are sitting on my lap and my cock is so big to you being young and you just ride it..." Naturally I went off to see what a full blown Dom Daddy/Little Girl thing was all about. It didn't really touch upon that sort of sexualised stuff said in that way. But I liked this guy and we became official etc. Tonight he started asking me about my first sexual experiences, mid sexy time. I had been fourteen when I started exploring my sexuality. He then says "Imagine me going back to your fourteen year old self and fucking you hard.. " and went on about this as he got more turned on about my 14yr old self. It gave me the ick. But if this is normal dd/lg behaviour I don't want to kink shame, just admit it's not my bag and move on. Of course, if this isn't normal, then he potentially could harm someone in the future. But I literally have NO IDEA. And do I just ask for him to stop all the daddy stuff and focus on other things? Do I even want to be with him after that line was crossed? He is a lovely guy, but I'm totally out my depth here. Help!

You are 42. Not 14. What he's doing is fine. Because he is doing it with you, a 40 year old seemingly-consenting adult. I think he is doing Not Great at asking about your limits, but you are in return doing Not Great about communicating your limits. You're not into it, so walk. Thought crimes aren't real, and you aren't a child. It's a fantasy, just like yours. Absolutely no point in trying to ruin his life over this or whatever it is you're even thinking about.

So we’ve been going out officially for around a month, but been speaking for a few. Now one of my biggest pet peeves in life is vaping, I can’t stand it. Idk why I feel so strongly about it, but I just hate it. Now I knew getting into the relationship that she vaped a bit. We had a conversation where she was saying how she’s stopped vaping lots since she had laryngitis recently, and only really does it socially. I’ve never really batted an eyelid since she doesn’t ever do it when it’s just us. But she was telling me the other night that normally when she’s been vaping it can give her a sore throat / cough stuff up, and to add to this, we were out with a mate and she was doing it then. For some reason seeing her do it just made me view her so differently - I don’t want this to affect it because she’s so great, and I don’t want to be that controlling person who says what she can and can’t do just because I don’t like it. But the fact that it’s clearly having a bad effect on her health annoys me - it really annoys me that she will continue to do this despite it clearly not being good for her. I’m aware we’ve not been going out long so it’s not my place to say what she can and can’t do, but i really see this going somewhere and I really don’t know how I feel about her carrying on despite it being bad for her. Any help is appreciated.

I 21 F have been dating my boyfriend 24 M for 2 years now. When I met him, he didn’t have a car and he didn’t go to school. I’m not going to lie, I pressured him to get a car and go back to school (school was covered by fasfa). I told him I would help and everything and I did. I helped pay for half ($2,100) of the car but asked for payments when he had the money. It’s been more than a year and he still owes me $700 for the car. He also moved with me to a different state because I moved for Grad School. I didn’t ask him to do this, we both agreed to it tho and I really appreciate that he did this. Anyway he basically owes me $1,600 for different things that have accumulated. Now he’s going to move in with me (he was in a different apartment) and he was expecting for me to pay the rent, $410 a month which I know isn’t bad but I also pay my car, my credit card, MMA, and student loans. I told him I wanted him to help me pay and now he’s saying that it’s unfair because he would still be paying me what he owes me and it’s not like I wouldn’t be receiving any money from him. He also needs to go back home to visit due to a family emergency and he’s basically blaming me because now it’s likely he won’t be able to go since I am adding another financial burden. When I decided to move, I was very aware of what I needed to pay and what I needed to prepare for. I talked to my bf about all of this before he decided to move with me and he assured me he’d be ready for it. I feel like considering the age difference, it should be the other way around. The thing is too that if I had the money, I would be okay with this but i’m a grad student with 17 hrs a week of work (enough to keep me stable) and I’m about to start my internship where i’m looking to put in more than 20 hours a week along with school, work, and practice. Last thing, he works 40 hours a week and received paychecks I could only dream of receiving (at least while i’m still in school lol). What’s the best course of action?? Is this just a matter of keeping track of things and just kind of making sure this doesn’t affect us? cause other than this i’d say we’re great!

Long story short, I have had very hard times with my mental health for the past few months. I don't go sometimes out for 2 weeks at a time and I am comfortable only moving outside during night when there is no people around. This also affects my relationships with other people, I haven't responded to my friends and haven't seen my boyfriend's family for few months either. They live in the same city, so I have had opportunities to see them. My boyfriend is also stressed out about this and the situation affects him very badly (I am aware of it and I am planning to move out maybe, I have to talk to my therapist about it). In a few hours there is a family gathering of his, his sister and mother are doing a joint birthday party. But the thing is I am so anxious to go. It has been planned few months in advance, but at the same time I am really not in the position to even feel great about going. There will be lots of new people around and all I can think about is how miserable I seem already to my friends in addition to strangers. His family doesn't know I am struggling since I would feel so guilty of them knowing. Would I be the asshole for not going if I have made so many excuses of why I cannot in the past?

We're not in your relationship, so why are you asking us? You don't need our permission to not go. You're in charge of you, and ofc you're allowed to not go. But even if you got our permission, that wouldn't mean it won't impact your relationship with your boyfriend or with his family. That's between each of you.