Help My Relationship

So we’ve been going out officially for around a month, but been speaking for a few. Now one of my biggest pet peeves in life is vaping, I can’t stand it. Idk why I feel so strongly about it, but I just hate it. Now I knew getting into the relationship that she vaped a bit. We had a conversation where she was saying how she’s stopped vaping lots since she had laryngitis recently, and only really does it socially. I’ve never really batted an eyelid since she doesn’t ever do it when it’s just us. But she was telling me the other night that normally when she’s been vaping it can give her a sore throat / cough stuff up, and to add to this, we were out with a mate and she was doing it then. For some reason seeing her do it just made me view her so differently - I don’t want this to affect it because she’s so great, and I don’t want to be that controlling person who says what she can and can’t do just because I don’t like it. But the fact that it’s clearly having a bad effect on her health annoys me - it really annoys me that she will continue to do this despite it clearly not being good for her. I’m aware we’ve not been going out long so it’s not my place to say what she can and can’t do, but i really see this going somewhere and I really don’t know how I feel about her carrying on despite it being bad for her. Any help is appreciated.

I 21 F have been dating my boyfriend 24 M for 2 years now. When I met him, he didn’t have a car and he didn’t go to school. I’m not going to lie, I pressured him to get a car and go back to school (school was covered by fasfa). I told him I would help and everything and I did. I helped pay for half ($2,100) of the car but asked for payments when he had the money. It’s been more than a year and he still owes me $700 for the car. He also moved with me to a different state because I moved for Grad School. I didn’t ask him to do this, we both agreed to it tho and I really appreciate that he did this. Anyway he basically owes me $1,600 for different things that have accumulated. Now he’s going to move in with me (he was in a different apartment) and he was expecting for me to pay the rent, $410 a month which I know isn’t bad but I also pay my car, my credit card, MMA, and student loans. I told him I wanted him to help me pay and now he’s saying that it’s unfair because he would still be paying me what he owes me and it’s not like I wouldn’t be receiving any money from him. He also needs to go back home to visit due to a family emergency and he’s basically blaming me because now it’s likely he won’t be able to go since I am adding another financial burden. When I decided to move, I was very aware of what I needed to pay and what I needed to prepare for. I talked to my bf about all of this before he decided to move with me and he assured me he’d be ready for it. I feel like considering the age difference, it should be the other way around. The thing is too that if I had the money, I would be okay with this but i’m a grad student with 17 hrs a week of work (enough to keep me stable) and I’m about to start my internship where i’m looking to put in more than 20 hours a week along with school, work, and practice. Last thing, he works 40 hours a week and received paychecks I could only dream of receiving (at least while i’m still in school lol). What’s the best course of action?? Is this just a matter of keeping track of things and just kind of making sure this doesn’t affect us? cause other than this i’d say we’re great!

Long story short, I have had very hard times with my mental health for the past few months. I don't go sometimes out for 2 weeks at a time and I am comfortable only moving outside during night when there is no people around. This also affects my relationships with other people, I haven't responded to my friends and haven't seen my boyfriend's family for few months either. They live in the same city, so I have had opportunities to see them. My boyfriend is also stressed out about this and the situation affects him very badly (I am aware of it and I am planning to move out maybe, I have to talk to my therapist about it). In a few hours there is a family gathering of his, his sister and mother are doing a joint birthday party. But the thing is I am so anxious to go. It has been planned few months in advance, but at the same time I am really not in the position to even feel great about going. There will be lots of new people around and all I can think about is how miserable I seem already to my friends in addition to strangers. His family doesn't know I am struggling since I would feel so guilty of them knowing. Would I be the asshole for not going if I have made so many excuses of why I cannot in the past?

We're not in your relationship, so why are you asking us? You don't need our permission to not go. You're in charge of you, and ofc you're allowed to not go. But even if you got our permission, that wouldn't mean it won't impact your relationship with your boyfriend or with his family. That's between each of you.

I’m a 28M and met a 27F in a very unusual way. We are neighbors, and after noticing my music while I was out on a run, she left me a note. After a few more exchanges, we started texting and eventually met in person a few weeks later.

Our first time meeting was for drinks, and she acted like it was love at first sight - her whole type..The day after meeting, we spent hours together at the beach and ended up kissing. From that point forward, we saw each other frequently for roughly three months. We spent time together several times a week (5-6x weekly), went to dinner, ran errands together, grocery shopped together, took walks, watched movies, and generally built what felt like a very natural connection.

Early on, she told me that she had gotten out of a serious three-year relationship about 6 months prior. She repeatedly said that she dates with the intention of marriage and doesn’t want to enter a relationship unless she feels confident about the person.

As time went on, she appeared very interested in me. Communication was frequent, affection was present, and she often initiated spending time together. Around a month after meeting, I realized I was developing serious feelings for her. For the next month, things continued positively. We communicated consistently and spent a lot of time together. Then she left town for a few weeks. During the trip we texted and called often, but toward the end of the trip I felt a noticeable shift in her communication. She became more distant and less engaged.

When she returned, things felt different. We still spent time together, but I felt like I was doing more of the initiating. Around that same time, she asked me if I’ve been seeing or have been sleeping with anyone else. I saw her anxiety about the possibility that I could potentially not be clean, even over a very short stint of intimacy. I got tested and shared my results with her because I knew the topic was causing her anxiety. I immediately went and got tested the next day without her knowing. 3 days later, I came back fully clean and I showed her the results. I told her that while we weren’t officially dating, I really liked where things were going and didn’t want to build anything meaningful on dishonesty. She responded positively and seemed to appreciate the effort and transparency.

After that conversation, things actually appeared to improve. She started initiating more again. She invited herself to go to the store with me, brought me a small gift from her home country, asked me to go on walks with her, and seemed more engaged. Two days later, despite all those positive moments, she ultimately asked to have a serious conversation. She said that despite her feelings, she is not ready for a relationship. She explained that she feels she still needs to work through things from her past relationship and get comfortable being vulnerable again.

She said that because she is only dating for marriage, she cannot move forward while feeling uncertain. She told me she felt it was unfair to me because she knew I was ready for a relationship while she was not. She also said several things that have left me confused. She told me she has feelings for me. She told me she cares deeply about me. She said she would like to give us a fair shot when she is ready. She said she plans to reach out when she reaches that point. She also mentioned that the idea of seeing me with another woman was difficult for her to imagine because she could only picture me with her. At the same time, she encouraged me it’s not fair that I only wait and acknowledged that eventually I may move on.

My questions are: Does this sound like someone who genuinely has feelings but is emotionally unavailable right now? Does it sound like she is leaving the door open intentionally, or are these things people often say during a breakup to soften the blow? If you were in my position, would you completely move on, stay open to the possibility, or expect that she may eventually reach back out? Am I correctly respecting her boundaries by giving her space and allowing her to be the one to initiate future contact?

My wife and I got married in September of last year. About a month after we got married, she had an affair. Our relationship started spiraling after that. We argued constantly and struggled to move forward.

What made it worse was that she lied about it until I caught her.

I discovered something was wrong because of the app connected to her car, which showed the vehicle's location. One day I noticed the car was at an unfamiliar address. When I asked where she was, she told me she was at work. I didn't say anything at the time.

Later, I noticed the car at the same address again. I called her and asked where she was. This time she told me she was at her mom's house. I confronted her about the lie, which led to an argument. A few minutes later, I saw the car leave that address and head to her mom's house.

When she came home later that day, she asked how I knew where she had been. I told her about the car app. Not long after that, she admitted to the affair.

A few weeks later, I noticed the password to the car app had been changed. When I asked her about it, she said she didn't want me "stalking" her. I told her that, from my perspective, it looked suspicious considering I had discovered the affair through that app. That conversation turned into another argument.

Eventually, we decided to try therapy. During counseling, we discussed the affair and tried to work through it. She said part of the reason she cheated was because she felt I wasn't giving her enough attention or affection. There may be some truth to that, and I'm not going to make excuses for it.

We spent about four months in therapy, but I couldn't get past what had happened.

During the week of our final therapy session, I told her I regretted marrying her and that the affair had destroyed the marriage. She stopped speaking to me until the session itself. During the session, I repeated that I regretted marrying her, which made her angry, and afterward she stopped talking to me again. I didn't make any effort to reach out either.

For a while, we both just ignored each other.

After a couple of days, I texted her asking for a divorce she never responded.

She later came to the house, packed some of her belongings, and left. I followed up with another text, but again received no response. Since then, she has come back to collect more of her things. At this point, roughly 95% of her belongings are gone.

My concern is that she still has not responded to any of my requests to discuss divorce. On top of that, the car is titled in my name and is insured under my policy. We need to figure out what to do about the vehicle, but she refuses to communicate with me.

At this point I don't even know what to do. Has anyone dealt with a spouse who simply refuses to respond when it's time to address the legal and financial issues involved in a divorce?

My brother still lives at home with my parents whilst he’s finishing off his apprenticeship degree, and does a mix of university and working for it. My parents have told me that he’s suddenly started acting really out of character. Last Thursday he came home from work extremely angry after having a meeting that day. He told my mum he got angry because my dad had opened the windows in his room (along with the rest of the house), which seems like a very small thing to react to. He then drank around 3/4 of a bottle of whisky that night, which is an insane amount and although he’s a big drinker, that’s much more than he would normally drink. Since then (nearly a week now), he's barely spoken to anyone. He won't look my parents in the eye, tells them to "go away" whenever they try to talk to him, and have said they "don't give a shit" about him. My parents have tried asking what’s wrong and how they can help, but he gets defensive and tells them to go away. What's worrying is that it's not just my parents, he’s not really seeing his friends either. Usually he’s socialising with friends several days in the week and over the weekend. Our other brother contacted his friends on Sunday to say he’s concerned, and since then he’s had two friends turn up on Sunday, one friend took him out yesterday and another two came to see him tonight but apparently he still wasn’t acting like himself. He's still doing some work and university coursework, although his work pattern has changed since last Thursday as usually he’d be going on site and now he’s apparently working from home. One thing that might be relevant is that he definitely has ADHD. I have ADHD myself and was diagnosed as an adult, and I'm very confident he has it too, but he's never been assessed or treated. Growing up he was always labelled as naughty and getting into trouble, he had classic ADHD behaviour and still does to this day. I try to get him to get a diagnosis and medication but he says he doesn’t want to rely on medication. I know from my experience growing up undiagnosed, I felt a lot of shame and very misunderstood, and even though I’ve been on medication for 5 years now I still struggle with self esteem problems. I defend my brother a lot to my parents when they call him lazy or untidy (he’s classic adhd doesn’t clean up after himself and his rooms a mess, which from my experience I know is very hard to do unless on medication) My own theory (and I know it's only a guess) is that something may have happened at work, perhaps he made a mistake or got criticised, and because of untreated ADHD and years of feeling misunderstood he's taken it incredibly personally and is now overwhelmed and ashamed. But I genuinely don't know. I'm going home this weekend and I usually have the best relationship with him. We don’t really open up emotionally to each other, I think we both find that hard to do in general but we can talk to each other more than anyone else in the family. I’m his older sister so I’ve always looked out for him and I think we get each other well. I don't want it to be obvious that I'm checking up on him, but I just want advise on how best to approach this. Has anyone experienced anything similar, either personally or with a family member? And what's the best way to approach him without making him feel pressured?

Honestly, with the symptoms, my immediate thoughts were steroids or another type of drug (downers can enhance and worsen symptoms of adhd like impulsivity). I just want to throw that out there to be on the lookout for because I know in my own experience that it's a lot easier to catch potential addiction in strangers than people you know and love.

As for talking to him, all you can do is approach him with an open mind and lots of patience. Tell him you've been hearing people are concerned about him and let him know you're open to talking, judgement-free. You just want to help him if he needs help. Don't push too hard. Just show him that you're open to listening and that you're a safe space. Leave the door open. He might not open up right away, even if he opens up later. The best thing to do is plant the seed.

I 20F has never been in a relationship in my life so I told a guy 26M that I really liked him, and he ignored it and then asked me about my new car. We were set up by two friends about nine months ago, and we talk regularly. My friends told me he had been single for a few years, and after about a month of talking they said that he liked me and wanted to meet me at my workplace. I said no because when I'm working, I'm focused on my iob, and I think first impressions matter. We have still not met in person. A few days ago, I sent him a picture with the Carly Rae Jepsen I Really Like You song and the caption I really like you. He completely ignored it and then, a few hours later, asked me about my new car. I think he doesn't like me. I've never been in a relationship before, and I'm really confused. I'd appreciate any advice.

My boyfriend ‘34M’ and I ‘26F’ have been together for nearly 2 years. We come from very different backgrounds, and until recently things were going well. About six months ago, I started the process of buying a house with help from my parents. Around the same time, my boyfriend stopped paying rent on his council property, where we currently live. He told me he was paying it, and I continued supporting him financially because I believed he was struggling with rent and bills. We split expenses so that he covered rent and bills while I paid for groceries, toiletries, entertainment (streaming channels and internet), clothes, and many day-to-day expenses. Over the last six months, he has borrowed between £200 and £950 from me each month, and currently owes me nearly £4,000. I later discovered that he had not paid rent for six months. Instead, some of that money had been spent on drugs. He works full-time and earns around £2,000 per month, while also receiving financial help from me. Finding out about the unpaid rent and the lies surrounding it has seriously damaged my trust. There are also other issues in the relationship. He has been very jealous and controlling at times, including monitoring my location and accusing me of cheating. Earlier this year, I told him I did not want to get engaged until those issues were addressed, either through personal change or therapy. He claimed all money he saved for ring while not paying rent is now gone. I now feel financially unsafe and am considering moving into my new house on my own until he can demonstrate better financial responsibility, address his debts, and rebuild trust. However, he believes living separately would harm the relationship, and he has threatened to harm himself if I leave. I still love him, but I feel torn between supporting him and protecting myself. Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you approach rebuilding trust, setting financial boundaries, or deciding whether living separately was the right step?

Girl. ??? You still have plans to marry the abusive, lying, cheating drug addict who steals from you?

Obviously, this is gonna be a painful mistake that you gotta go through, so go for it.

I 39F ended a relationship and kicked my partner 33M out about 2 months ago, after months of emotional abuse, cheating, etc (post history if you’re nosy/curious). We were together for a year and a half. He moved most of his things out that weekend. After he got most of his stuff, he let me know he would be back the next weekend to get some stuff from the garage that he needed help moving. He also told me that he couldn’t take his cat with him to his “temporary housing”, but would pick the cat up when he got his new place in a few weeks, which I was fine with. While he was gone I found some more of his things around, so I packed them up for him in a box and on a shelf in the garage. When he came back, I let him know that I found a few more things, showed him where I put them, and left him and his family in my garage to finish moving his things out. When he left, I noticed he took ONE item and left the rest. Mind you, this man is very particular about his property, so I found it very odd that he would choose one random thing to take and leave the rest. It wasn’t petty little things either. There are some sentimental things, dishes and some appliances I know he would need in his new place, and a tool he needs to charge his motorcycle or it won’t run. As far as I am aware, he has been living in this new place for at least 2-3 weeks. I haven’t heard from him at all since that day he came back. I couldn’t care less about just donating the stiff he left, but I know he will throw a huge fit if I get rid of it if he decides he suddenly wants them back. I also want him to come get his cat. He also still has the key to my house, but I changed the locks the day he moved out (he’s unaware), and he has a mailbox key he still hasn’t returned. He said he was going to give my keys back after he moved his stuff, he didn’t. He said he was keeping the mailbox key until his mail forwarding has taken place so he can get his mail, but all of his mail has been sitting in my mailbox for two months, and there’s still more coming. I do not want to break no contact because he’s dangerous, but I need at the very least for him to come get his cat. How could I best handle this situation without causing more issues with this person?

My partner (35M) and I (28F) work together in corporate. I don't expect him to fight my battles or do my job for me, but when someone is openly rude to me, and I'm already explaining myself while they keep going at me, he just stays silent and listens to this. It has happened already twice in situations where I had valid points (in both cases I was attacked by the same person). And seriously I don't need rescuing, but just being supported. Even a simple "I think she's explained her point" would mean something. Am I expecting too much from a partner in this situation?

Is he your boss? Are you his boss? What's the status of the people being rude to you? What have you done to try to manage these situations (such as bringing HR or a manager into the loop)? Would you expect another coworker to defend you? Do other coworkers defend you?

I think you're coming at this from a personal standpoint, but this is a professional environment and should be handled professionally. Think of it that way.