#burrham

mood cause blog was deleted

heavily inspired by @peggy-schuyler-2 's post on jeggy !!

My boy...

Content warning for: (how do i say) fetishized death? (is that word?)(not gore anyway)

Take this then don't talk to me ever again 😔

Aaron was hating himself as he walked out of his dorm. There was a tightness in his eyes he was normally able to keep hidden. Aaron Burr was not opinionless, in fact he had lots of opinions. He even shared them sometimes, but not with him. Not with Alexander Hamilton. 

No, Aaron had always been careful to keep his armer on around Alexander, no matter how much he liked him, it was a necessity. Hamilton was ruthless when he got worked up. Anytime there was a chink in Aarons armer that he let Hamilton see within a week Hamilton stuck a well placed knife into it. 

Aaron had always been guarded, letting down his walls only to those he trusted. He wanted to trust Alexander, he really did, however, Aaron knew it was a bad idea. Aaron tried to be a voice of reason for Alexanders constant state of “ready-to-go-off-right-now-you-have-no-idea-Burr-can-you-belive. . . !” but more often then not he just found himself being pushed aside (literally or figuratively depending on the moment) as an angery Hamilton went for the jugular of whoever he was currently at war with (usually Jefferson). 

When Aaron was first given Alexander as a roommate he tried to have debates with him, just normal academic debates. However, he soon found out Hamilton didn’t have an off switch and could make the simples argument very ugly very fast.

“Ayeee, Burr where you goin’?“

“He looks like he’s seen a ghost man, HEY BURR, You look like you’ve seen a ghost man!“

Aaron looked up in surprise, he hadn't realized he was still walking. He was in the middle of the science quad.

“Laurens, Mulligan, how are you.“ He said in what he was planning to be a cordial voice. However it came out as breathy and near panicked. 

”Hey, you alright man?“

“Of course!“ but it came out as a gasp and Aaron suddenly had to put his hands on the edge of the fountain to stay upright. He had a shortness of breath that was horribly familiar and his vision was swimming. He tried to focus on controlling his breathing, forcing himself to calm down and waiting for it to pass. 

Aaron vaguely became aware of voices, soon after he became aware they were directed at him.

“Yo, Burr, talk to me man, whats happening?” 

“John, maybe you should back up, or we should get some help, or. . .“

“No. . .“ Burr gasped out turning around to sit on the edge of the fountain his hands had been gripping.

“No,” he said much calmer now “I assure you I’m fine“

Aaron looked down at his hands, embarrassment blooming in his cheeks. Aaron found himself unable to force himself to meet their eyes.

“What was that Burr?“ Mulligans voice was low. 

“Panic attack“ Aaron said as casually as he could manage, having his hand as dissmisive as possible.

“Shit Burr, I didn’t know you had that!“

Aaron felt himself tense up.

“Look, normally I’m better at controlling them, its not a serious issue. I- would you mind- just - could you do me a favor and not mention it?”

“Sure“ said Mulligan and then “Does Alex know about them?“

“No.“

“He’s your roomate don’t you think he should. . .”

“It hasn’t effected his quality of life yet, I don’t see the need. . .”

“Burr, I didn’t mean it like that, just so you can get some help if you need it. Or if you have one in front of him.“

“I have. He didn’t notice.“

“Well shit man.”

Aaron closed his eyes. He knew they would tell Hamilton. They always told him everything. He opened his eyes and looked at the empty archway of the quad wondering what Alexander would say, and how he would use this against him.

Part 1:

https://megtheconqueror.tumblr.com/post/173751024746/empty-doorways-hamburr

Part 3: