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Listen, my hot take is Evan Buckley, aromantic bisexual and people keep wanting to force him into a heterocentric narrative. And by people, I mean fandom and Bobby Nash.
Tommy shyly coming up to Lucy at work and being like “listen… so… Evan and I… his birthday is coming up and…” and Lucy immediately laughing and asking “what kinky shit do you want me to do to your boyfriend?”
Hi my love, I've got quite the order for you so I'll do them one at a time
📝📝📝📝📝📝
Hello, dearest, your words have at long last arrived. Like Etta James but not at all. Also asked by @wikiangela @eddiebabygirldiaz @stereopticons @daffi-990 🫶
“Are you expecting anyone?” Lucy asks. She sets down her early afternoon coffee, looking curiously in the direction of the front door.
Buck shakes his head, unable to verbally answer around the large bite of pastry in his mouth. It’s Sunday, so it’s possible someone’s come to call, but no one mentioned dropping by.
“I’ll go see who it is.” He starts to push his chair back.
“No, stay here,” Lucy insists, motioning for him to sit down again. “I’m sure it’s no one.”
Her boots click across the floor and echo in the hallway, the sound growing more faint as she nears the door.
Buck strains to hear any bit of conversation once he hears the handle turn. He’s completely given up trying to concentrate on his book anyway. The answering voice is masculine, not clear enough for him to understand what’s being said. There’s something familiar about the cadence, though. Like hearing the notes of a song without the vocals, or played on a different instrument. His brain stirs excitedly, but can’t seem to place it correctly.
At any rate he should check on Lucy. She’s been talking too long for their caller to be insignificant, though she hasn’t invited them in, either. He picks up his coffee, not wanting it to get any colder than it has, and carries it with him.
“Luce?” He calls. She’s standing in the doorway, obscuring his view of whoever it is. “Who is… it?”
Lucy turns to face him and several things happen at once. Time stops, speeds up, slows down. Buck is standing in his foyer, sitting at a bar in Virginia, laying in a field under the cover of millions of stars, stepping onto a cold unforgiving train platform. The porcelain cup drops from his fingertips, splintering when it crashes.
His mouth opens to say something or scream or cry, he’s not exactly sure. Eventually a single word, broken and foreign on his tongue from disuse, escapes. “Eddie?”
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A first, unbeta'd reaction to 5x11 because much as I adored seeing the Buck/Hen moments, I kind of wanted to see Buck talk to Eddie?
Also I hate the cheating angle. Hate it on so many levels. This isn't something they can take back or fix because "he was unhappy". Like. That's not fair to Taylor either.
I never thought they'd last, but at the very least I didn't expect them to make the most loyal dude on the show cheat on his longterm girlfriend.
This is the guy who waited months for a girl that ghosted him.
Ugh. I'm firmly on the Buddie train here, but. I still expected them to be more respectful towards Taylor.
So uh.
Yeah, I've never posted for 9-1-1 before, nor for Buddie, so be kind 😅
------
EASY, BUT IMPOSSIBLE TO TAKE BACK
“Cheating was easy, but impossible to take back.”
— Dean Osborne
Buck didn’t really know why he found himself at Eddie’s front door after Bobby had introduced Jonah and Lucy as Eddie and Chim’s replacements.
He didn’t, honest.
(he kind of did)
He thought about going home, thought about seeing Taylor and the words that threatened to choke him, like a metaphorical piece of bread lodged in his throat, obstructing his airway, only this time, there would be no emergency tracheotomy to save him, and he’d felt like throwing up in the shrubbery in the parking lot.
He thought about talking to Hen again, about telling her everything that’d been bothering him for months, about being completely honest and laying himself bare to his friend, but the mere idea of being so seen, so known by her was… unfathomable and absolutely terrifying.
The truth was, the only person he wanted to see was Eddie.
(he always wanted to see Eddie)
He wanted to talk to Eddie, wanted Eddie to talk to him, wanted to know why Eddie had come to the bar but hadn’t come in, wanted to know why Eddie had left even after he’d promised he wouldn’t, that they’d still hang out all the time.
He wanted to know why Eddie hadn’t been there to stop Buck from making stupid, stupid mistakes.
Even if things hadn’t been normal between them in months, even if he wasn’t sure where they’d drifted apart, where their paths had diverged to such a degree that they could very nearly pass for “normal” best friends, but he knew, without a hint of doubt, that Eddie would be there if Buck needed him, and…
And Buck needed him.
Eddie was his voice of reason on more than one occasion and he had been Eddie’s in return too and Eddie had seen Buck at his worst and he still trusted him. He believed in him, and Buck trusted Eddie, more than he trusted anyone in the whole world.
He might not trust himself right now, but he knew, he just knew that if he could get to Eddie, everything would start to make sense again.
He tried to use his key, but his hands were shaking and he couldn’t fit the metal into the lock, couldn’t make it work, and he nearly burst into tears because if he couldn’t even open Eddie’s front door anymore, what the hell was happening to his life?
Before he could compose himself, the door swung open and Eddie squinted at him, his hair sticking up on the side like he’d just rolled out of bed and that made sense, it was his day off and Buck knew Eddie liked to sleep in after he’d dropped off Chris at school, but Buck still felt a little poleaxed by the way Eddie looked all soft and rumpled.
He’d always known his best friend was an attractive man, but every now and then it would just hit him and he would be unable to do anything but stare at the man.
“Hey,” Eddie said hoarsely, scratching his fingers through his hair, messing it up worse, and Buck’s mouth was so, so dry. “You okay? You’ve been out here for like ten minutes.” He leaned on the doorframe, crossing his arms over his chest, and smiled lightly. “You know you have a key, right?”
“Uh,” Buck managed, straightening up and hiding his shaking hands behind his back. “Yeah, I--uh--I just--”
Eddie’s expression changed from amused to concerned in a heartbeat and before Buck knew what was happening, Eddie’s hand was wrapped around his wrist and he was dragging Buck inside, shutting the door firmly behind them. “What’s going on?” Eddie demanded, hands fluttering up and down Buck’s body. “Did you get hurt? Did something happen during your shift--no one called me, I--”
“Eds--Ed--Eddie,” Buck finally managed, grabbing his best friend’s hands and stopping his increasingly frantic movements. “I’m fine, I promise. I’m not hurt.”
Eddie blinked up at him, still a little frantic, a little jittery, but he stopped trying to tug Buck’s shirt up to look for hidden--and non-existent--injuries. “You’re okay?” Eddie said, voice soft and fragile and so fucking tiny that it made Buck wanna cry.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” he nodded, rubbing his hands reassuringly over Eddie’s arms.
Eddie nodded shakily. “Okay. Okay, sorry, I just--when you showed up and you--and you’re shaking,” and Buck should’ve known that Eddie would notice even if Buck tried to hide it. Eddie had always been able to read him like a book, even when they’d barely known each other. It was what made them such good partners.
“Bobby brought in replacements for you and Chim,” he blurted, and Eddie reared back in surprise, in hurt and Buck hated that he’d been the one to put that expression on Eddie’s face, but… well, he would’ve heard eventually and it was best that he heard it from Buck.
“Al--already?” Eddie croaked. “I asked--he kept Chim’s spot open for months, and I--I just needed--I just needed some time, but I get boosted out immediately?”
Buck blinked. “No, no, Eds, I’m sure it’s not like that--he just--we can’t run short staffed indefinitely, it’s exhausting for all of us--”
“I asked for a transfer back yesterday,” Eddie cut in, voice hollow. “He said no.”
Buck reared back, staring at his best friend, mouth hanging open. “Wh--why--why would he do that?” He choked, clutching at Eddie desperately. “He knows--he knows you’re my partner, that--that I thought you were gonna be back any minute, why would he--”
Why would he pick Donato over Eddie?
Eddie shrugged, eyes downcast. “I guess he doesn’t think I’m mentally fit to come back.”
Buck swallowed the immediate urge to say that that was ridiculous, that Eddie was obviously fine, because Buck wasn’t sure that he was. Eddie still looked exhausted, looked not unlike he had in the first few weeks after the shooting, and Buck was so worried about him it made him feel a little sick.
“Are you?” Buck asked hesitantly.
Eddie’s head snapped up, hurt lingering in his dark eyes. “What, you think I’m not either? You gonna tell me I’m not fit for the job?”
“No,” Buck exclaimed, grabbing onto Eddie as the other man tried to move away, “No, Eds, that’s not what I’m saying. You know I want you back at work, I want you back on the team, you--you’re my partner. I need you to have my back.” Eddie’s thunderous expression softened, and Buck continued, “But I’m worried too. You--you look like you haven’t been sleeping, I just--I worry, man. You’re my best friend.”
Eddie deflated and sighed. “I haven’t been. Sleeping,” he clarified when Buck made a confused little noise. “Work at Dispatch is--at first it was fine, it was good, I thought I was doing better, but--” He shook his head. “It’s mind numbing, and I didn’t--I didn’t even feel really alive again until I jumped in on that call with bomb, and then…”
He looked down and shook his head. “Josh chewed me out for it and when I got to the bar, you guys looked like you were having a great time without me, so I didn’t--”
“You left,” Buck breathed.
Eddie nodded, and there was something like shame on his face, but Buck--Buck understood. He’d been in Eddie’s shoes, had been on the outside looking in before, and he was well aware of how painful it could be, and how easy it was to assume everyone was fine without you.
“I wish you hadn’t,” he admitted. “I mean, it wasn’t a bad time, but it would’ve been better if you’d been there too.” Eddie looked back at him with surprise written all over his expression, emotions naked and open for Buck to see and Buck was still stunned to find that Eddie trusted him like this, that Eddie “suck it up” Diaz was willing to show Buck real, true emotions.
“I probably wouldn’t have cheated on Taylor if you’d been there,” he then said, and promptly ruined the entire thing.
Eddie’s eyes went wide with shock, and Buck felt nauseous, felt awful for saying the words out loud, because he hated it. He had been many things in the past--a player, a bit of a manwhore, an idiot and an asshole--but he’d never been a cheater before.
“You--” Eddie choked, “You cheated on Taylor? I thought--I thought things were good between you two? You seemed fine when you were here last week, I--”
“We are,” Buck insisted, holding up both hands. “I mean--we--we--we were. I don’t even know--I don’t even know what happened. It just--I was so drunk and Lucy just kept buying me drinks and then suddenly she was kissing me and I--” He cut off and shook his head, looking away so he wouldn’t have to see the disappointment in Eddie’s expression.
It would be there--of course it would be, why wouldn’t it?
Buck was disappointed in himself too.
“Okay,” Eddie whispered. “Well, have you--have you told her yet?”
Buck shook his head miserably. “I tried, but--but we’re--we’re supposed to be fine, and I didn’t--I didn’t want to blow that up, so I--I--I asked her to move in with me instead.”
Eddie let out a breath. “Buck.”
“I know,” Buck groaned, “I know, I suck, I just--I don’t know what to do, and now Bobby’s hired her as your replacement and I’m gonna have to see her all the time--”
He shut his mouth abruptly when Eddie set his hand heavily on Buck’s chest. “She’s my replacement?” Buck looked up, and for the first time, he couldn’t read Eddie’s face at all, couldn’t make out what Eddie was thinking. He nodded wordlessly, and Eddie clenched his jaw, looking away for a second as if that would hide his shiny eyes from Buck.
It hit Buck suddenly that however afraid he was of being left behind, of being left, Eddie was probably feeling similarly afraid, even if he’d never say it out loud.
“She can’t, you know?” He said softly. “You’re my partner. No one can replace you.”
Eddie shrugged, still looking away, his lower lip pushed out into the tiniest pout. “You liked her enough to risk your relationship for her.”
Buck swallowed thickly. “It wasn’t--I was drunk,” he said weakly, because he knew it wasn’t an excuse, it wasn’t a justification. He’d kissed someone else, had betrayed his girlfriend of ten months for someone he wasn’t even sure he liked, and he had absolutely no idea what he could do to fix any of this.
“You have to tell her,” Eddie said thickly, insistently. “You were right when you told me to break up with Ana when I wasn’t all in, and I’m right when I’m telling you to be honest. If you--” he hesitated, “If you love her, don’t build your future together on a lie. She’s going to find out eventually. Things like these have a way of coming out.”
Buck’s shoulders slumped. “Yeah, I know.”
They were both quiet for a bit, and Buck didn’t quite dare exhale until Eddie slumped forward to lean his forehead against Buck’s shoulder. “We’re a mess,” he said, voice a little muffled against Buck’s shoulder. “You gotta tell her, Buck.”
“Yeah,” Buck sighed, leaning into Eddie’s touch. “You gotta go to therapy, Eds. I need you back on the team. And I get the feeling you won’t feel at your best until you’re back either.”
Eddie let out a snort, but he nodded against Buck’s shoulder, and Buck let out a breath he hadn’t actually known he was holding. “I got you, Eddie,” he said quietly. “Whatever you and Chris need, okay?”
Eddie nodded again before he pulled back, setting his hand on the back of Buck’s neck before meeting Buck’s eyes in a gaze so intense Buck couldn’t have looked away even if he wanted to. “I got you. Whatever happens with Taylor or with this,” he wrinkled his nose, “new woman--you’ve got us, okay?”
