French Kissing on a Sunday Afternoon
inspired by that title from @lesbucks and by Kissing Lessons by Lucy Dacus
He remembers a hot, sticky Sunday at the beginning of June. He remembers the smell of Eddie's basement. Dust bunnies and a spray of Febreze. He remembers the whole big carton of Goldfish Eddie stole from the cabinet– the orange crumbs in the gray fibers of the dusky carpet. He remembers the Hot Wheels tracks and the Nintendo 64 hooked up in the corner, still playing the menu screen for their abandoned game of Mario Kart.
And he remembers his lips pressed clumsily to Buck's. Just a closed-mouth thing. An imitation of what they'd seen in movies. He remembers the giggles as he pulled away. The pretty red flush on his cheeks. The fluttering in his own stomach that he couldn't hope to interpret.
And he remembers the conversation that followed.
“Then, if you really like the girl,” he’d continued, self-consciousness never crossing his mind at that age, “Maddie told me about something called French kissing, where you, like, put your tongues in each other's mouths.”
“Ew,” Eddie squealed, pressing a hand to his mouth with a shake of his head.
“I know! But apparently people like it!” Buck laughed.
“People are weird,” Eddie laughed as well.
“Yeah,” Buck shrugged. Then, despite it all, “Wanna practice that too?”
And he remembers how Eddie nodded. Flushed still, lips pulled into a toothy grin. He remembers the molar missing behind his sharp canine teeth. He remembers an awkward hand on his shoulder. He remembers his lips again, pressed, unmoving against his. He remembers swiping his tongue out, licking over the front of his teeth. Both of them falling back into a fit of laughter, faces scrunched up, wiping their hands against their mouths.
“That was so weird,” Eddie laughed.
“So weird,” Buck said. “Maybe we need more practice.”
“Or maybe I should just stick to American kissing.”
“Yeah,” Buck giggled. “Maybe we all should.”
And he remembers that they didn't. He remembers Eddie frowning and worrying that his crush– who all this was about, of course– would want him to French kiss her. He remembers that they practiced that whole day. Between runs of Rainbow Road and Bowser's Castle. He remembers that they didn’t get any better.
He also remembers another Sunday, ten years later. A house party in the summer before they left for college. He remembers his tongue in his mouth again, not so clumsy this time. He remembers his lips against his skin. He remembers the clumsiness returning when they wrapped around his dick. He remembers that fluttering in his stomach, not so hard to interpret this time.
And he remembers the girl they practiced kissing for, all those years before, waiting for Eddie just downstairs. He remembers watching the way he pulled her in– kissed her like nothing had changed. He remembers wondering if she could taste him on Eddie's tongue. He remembers thinking that she didn't deserve that.
He never talked to him again. He knows now, through Facebook and friends, that he went on to marry that girl. Joined the army. Had a son. All before Buck had even found a permanent state to live in.
Eddie doesn’t post on Facebook anymore. And Buck doesn't talk to any of their old friends. But he remembers him, on sticky Sunday afternoons– kissing boys he barely knows in temporary living rooms, taking them to his temporary bed– all these temporary loves of his life. He remembers him when people ask about his first kiss. Telling stories of clumsy, blushing boys. Playing pretend, but not really pretending. He wonders if Eddie thinks of him the same way. If Eddie ever thinks of him at all.