#bpd breakup

I can tell your heart wants to.

I can hear it louder than your words as you speak to me. Eyes on your chest as I watch it beat out in morse code how badly it wants to be free. Drowning out the syllables you're saying like a marching band drumline paired with raw vocals. No competition for the sound occupying my ears.

You babble out bits and pieces of wanting to stay. Of wanting to work things through.

But your heart speaks to me directly.

And I know we aren't much longer for this world.

I thought it was love, but I think you just idolized me and I was your FP until you met her. And then you wanted an open relationship. It happened so quickly. I was so confused.

The week before we broke up, we were talking about what we would do when we got married later. And how great it was going to be to move in together next year.

How did things change so quickly? And how were you able to immediately start a relationship with her after us? How were you not crushed?

Because I'm crushed and I'm trying to move on but I'm worried I will never feel as intense of a "love" as I did with you.

Everyone, every single person I spoke to, told me to open up. "Trust her" they said, "open up your heart and let her love you". They said it would be fine, and that if I never let myself fall in love I could never experience that joy, that warmth, that sense of total ease. They told me it would work out fine, and if it didn't, I'd be okay.