#borderline babe

Step One: Ask yourself what the emotion is that you’re wanting to change.

Taking note of what emotion you’re feeling is the first step to taking steps to decrease the intensity of it, or to change your emotion altogether. To help you identify your emotion, take note of what it is you’re feeling in your body and what your action urges are. For more help with this, check this out.

Step Two: Ask yourself what the event was that prompted your emotional reaction.

Imagine that you’re a fly on the wall, observing the situation from the outside. Remove yourself from the equation temporarily and take note of what the situation was. Stick to factual information only by taking a nonjudgmental stance. For help with this, you can review the skill of nonjudgmental here.

Step Three: Take note of your thoughts and interpretations around the event, as well as any assumptions you may have made.

Throw yourself back into the equation and notice what your personal beliefs around the event were. Did you make assumptions? Could your personal opinions, past experience, etc. be influencing the way you feel? Make a note of any and all other possible interpretations of the event. What are the other reasons that this uncomfortable situation could be happening?

Step Four: Decipher whether or not you’re assuming a threat and expand your perspective.

Are you assuming a threat? Do you think that something in particular is going to happen that will cause you further distress? If so, label the threat and then work to recognize the emotions lying beneath it. Then think carefully about how likely it is that this threat is to honestly occur. Brainstorm any other possible outcomes.

Step Five: Ask yourself what the worst possible outcome would be.

What is the worst thing that could happen? If this were to really happen, what would be the honest consequence? Imagine yourself coping well to this consequence with the use of other coping skills. What skills could you use? 

Step Six: Evaluate whether or not your emotion, and/or the intensity of this emotion really fits the facts. 

For more information on when emotional responses fit the facts, go here.

 If you find you’re still distressed after checking the facts, continue to apply opposite action and/or problem solving.

Distress Tolerance skills are here to help you tolerate painful situations. When changing a situation/emotion is either impossible or ineffective, the other option is to tolerate it. These skills aren’t here to make your painful emotions go away. Allowing yourself to feel emotional pain as it happens is necessary in order to avoid suffering. Instead, distress tolerance skills exist in an effort to make feeling emotional pain a bit more bearable as the situation takes its natural course. One of these skills is Self Soothe.

A useful way to self-soothe is through your five senses.

Sight: Clean up or decorate your home. Light a candle and watch the flame flicker. Look at art. People-watch. Look up at the stars.  Take a mindful walk along a nature trail or through a pretty part of your town. Look at pictures of animals. Watch the rain or snow fall. Read affirmations. Craft something. Watch a travel movie or video. Focus on nature surrounding you. Window shop. Look at photos of loved ones. Read cards you’ve stashed away. Look at funny memes or videos.

Sound: Listen to calming or upbeat music. Pet a cat and listen to their purr. Listen to the sounds of nature, real or on a sound machine. Sit in a coffee shop and listen. Watch a video of funny or cute animal noises. Sit by a fountain. Listen to the birds chirping in the morning. Sing aloud or hum to yourself. Listen to an inspiring podcast or TED Talk. Download a nature app on your phone and listen to the sounds. Listen to wind chimes.

Taste (please be careful with these options if you struggle with disordered eating): Eat your favorite foods. Drink a comforting drink, such as a hot tea or hot chocolate. Chew a piece of gum. Eat mindfully and focus on the taste of a food item. Have ice cream or other dessert. Get fresh food from a farmer’s market and enjoy it. Buy yourself some candy and treat yourself to it. Allow a mint to melt on your tongue.

Smell: Utilize essential oils. Spray yourself or the air with perfume. Light a scented candle. Light incense. Smell a jar of spices. Wear a loved ones clothing and bring the sleeve to your nose. Inhale the scent of nature. Bake something and pay attention to the way it smells. Take a walk after it rains.

Touch: Pet/play with a pet. Take a bubble bath or a hot shower. Put on lotion. Put on a face mask. Hug a loved one. Change into comfortable clothing. Wash your sheets and make the bed, then lay on them. Curl up in a blanket. Cuddle with a heating pad. Play with putty. Use fidget toys. Use a salt scrub. Get a massage. Get a mani/pedi. File and paint your nails.

You can combine many of these as well. For instance, you may light a candle, turn on calming music, and crawl into a warm bubble bath.