From Beyond Borderline: True Stories of Recovery From BPD
This is a book I read at the end of last year whilst waiting to get onto a DBT course. I remember reading these words and thinking,Ā āOMG. Somebody else actually gets it!ā That way that the world fell apart if he was too silent and how hearing from him could make everything seem shiny and new...Ā
It rang so true for me that I took this screenshot and itās been on my desktop ever since.Ā
ItĀ doesnāt feel anything like that anymore, and I am grateful every moment it doesnāt. I hated those feelings. The highs and the lows. I hated feeling like everything I felt rested on him. Where he was. What he was doing. Who he was with. How much attention he gave me... I was so desperate to fix it for so long, to feel things because of me and not because someone did or didnāt show me enough attention.Ā
I no longer feel this way. And I do not miss those feelings at all. I miss him. And I miss our relationship. But I do not miss the pressure of contact with him determining my entire day.Ā
There is life after a BPD diagnosis. There is the possibility of healthy relationships. Right now while itās so rocky, I hang onto that truth.
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I just finished reading the first story from Beyond Borderline , about recovery stories and I am in tears. I cannot stop crying.
Because right now, I feel so hopeless and scared. That Iām never going to get better and that this happiness will never happen for me. I will never find a man. Never going to get married..have kids. Finish school. Lose weight None of that. But I want it so badlyā¦I cant stop crying and tomorrow I see my therapist and I am so embarassed to discuss my break up but it needs to be talked about.
Yet she was worse off than I and here I amā¦ so maybe there is hope after allā¦
- Laney
Brian Charette ā Beyond Borderline (Steeplechase)
Organist Brian Charette quietly set precedence nine-years ago when he recorded an entire solo album on Hammond B-3. Despite the impressively measurable feat, the disc didnāt generate commensurate waves in the jazz press. The relative silence was as much the result of relatively few amongst the cognoscenti hearing the work, as it was the tenacious biases against the instrument being a viable extended solo vehicle which have endured.Ā
The Hammond has a lot of baggage, much of it gained during its heyday as a conveyance for the advancement populist soul-jazz. Boosters of bop, free and other intellectually oriented outposts of the genre sometimes dismissed the B-3 as an ambassador of bombast and blues simplicity. Charetteās never really concerned himself with such meta-mired posturing or handwringing. Heās about the music and Beyond Borderline marks his second salvo with the aim of breaking through to a broader audience with the manifold pleasures a B-3 sans accompaniment can proffer.
Charetteās earlier effort had the distinction of shaping Madonnaās āBorderlineā and the Hall & Oates staple āSara Smileā into credible jazz creations. Here, the cant calibrates toward originals with only a warmly-whirring after-hours take on Billy Strayhornās evergreen āChelsea Bridgeā and a lush, perfume-scented rendering of Duke Ellingtonās āPrelude to a Kissā falling outside the personally minted purview. āYolkā percolates on the plush combination of chugging bassline and a syncopated righthand improvisation while āGirlsā works like an interlocking suite of laidback patterns across its relatively expansive six-and-a-half minutes.Ā
Track titles relay Charetteās subtle and varied sense of humor. āGood Tipperā embodies both optimism and generosity through the way in which chordal variations are stacked onto a brisk tempo and not-a-second-wasted duration. āSilicone Dollā riffs on another Strayhorn standard spun from satin from a chromatic standpoint. āHungarian Boleroā and āAligned Arpeggioā wed comedy to musical specifics, the first coming on like some haunted Zamboni soundtrack while the second uses the titular progression for luminous ballad purposes that sound almost fugue-like before veering unexpectedly into dub. A complex assemblage of switches, pedals, keys, and motors, the B-3 was always destined for more than stereotypes and derision. Charette proves this to be true and hereās hoping folks are paying attention this time around.
