I knew what fictionkins were but never even questioned if I was one. Then one day, out of the blues, I decided to watch that one famous anime I had been putting off for years, and…well guess who was thinking he was going insane because of the familiarity of it all, and the weird feeling of belonging and seeing himself on the screen ?
I came across the term of “fictionkin” again just a few days after finishing the show, and it was like I was getting punched in the stomach.
It all suddenly made sense, and yet it felt like I was drowning in something that was way bigger than me. I tried to convince myself that I was imagining it, that I was just trying to invent that so I could feel closer to the show, that it was just an effect of a temporary obsession and that it would wear off soon.
And the “obsession” did wear off after a few weeks. But the feelings didn’t. I was going through one of the biggest (and longest) identity crisis I’ve ever experienced, and I truly didn’t know how to deal with it.
I was (and still am) conflicted, scared that I was faking it, scared that I just wanted to be like this character because it’s a “cool” and “popular” character. But I actually didn’t want it. And around whom would I be faking it, if I was too ashamed of myself to even say it anonymously online ? I was even scared to write it down at all, because it just felt..too real. Even after hours of research, it felt scary to face the obvious.
I’m still feeling really weird about all this, about finding out about an entirely new identity that yet is also MINE, but…I hope I can overcome this.
Anyway, it feels odd to actually say it but hi, I’m Levi Ackerman, from the hit (and apparently controversial, according to some) manga Attack On Titan.
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