we know rachel reid keeps joking about âkilling ilyaâ in the next book, and itâs obviously a bit. fandom laughs, we cope, etc.
but rereading the long game⌠the airplane-crash scare plotline basically confirms something thatâs been sitting under ilya/shane the whole time:
grief isnât just pain for them â itâs a survival threat.
in that chapter, shaneâs mind goes to the worst possible outcome and what it would do to him:
âwhat if ilya had died?â âshane would have died too. alone, and secretlyâŚâ
that line matters because it isnât poetic. itâs practical horror. at that point theyâre still hidden, so shane isnât imagining a clean grief. heâs imagining the kind that rots quietly. the kind where you keep showing up to life but youâre already gone.
then we get ilyaâs side and itâs even more revealing, because ilya does what he always does: he turns love into a vow.
âwhatever happens, i am with you. safe in your heart.â
he doesnât think âiâll move on.â he thinks âi will stay.â he believes the people you love stay with you until itâs your time to go. he even thinks of his mother, how he still feels her with him, and you can see him already building the same future for shane: iâll be with you, however i can.
and underneath all of it is regret. ilya begging for more time because he knows he wasted years hiding how much he loved shaneâfrom the world, from shane, from himself. he needs more time not just to be happy⌠but to love him properly.
so hereâs the part i keep coming back to:
if ilya dies first, shane is the one who could survive longer. not because it wouldnât destroy himâIT WOULDâbut because shane has structure. routine. coping skills. people. heâd keep going because thatâs what shane does. heâd make survival into an act of love, even if itâs alone, and quiet and private.
but if shane dies first⌠ilya is not far behind.
Because Ilya loves like a religion. he clings. he mythologizes. he would feel like the world ended. shane isnât just âthe love of his lifeââheâs home, safety, identity, the proof that ilya can be chosen and stayed. and if that anchor is gone, ilya doesnât just lose a partnerâhe loses the thing holding him to the world. he wouldnât just be grieving. heâd be disappearing.
So yeah, Rachel jokes. and we laugh .. Ha Ha đ (don't even pls).
but canon already laid the groundwork that for both of them, losing the other isnât just heartbreak. Itâs existential.
