#aroasexuality

I am on the asexual, and possibly aromantic, spectrum. I’m not ashamed of it. Despite that, I’m fairly sex-positive, love raunchy jokes, and have interacted with suggestive content.

During my time in a specific fandom, of which I will not name, I have noticed something. About shipping. There is a very popular ship that has attracted a large audience to a game that I once considered a more niche interest.

For the sake of clarity, we will call this ship BlueGold.

Despite the popularity of this ship, it is incredibly controversial. Many hate the ship. It has earned a few titles from this crowd, including:

proship

abusive relationship

toxic relationship

You might be thinking that these are harsh labels. And to an extent, I agree. I am a huge shipper of Bluegold. Though, I am not afraid to admit that it is certainly flawed and unhealthy. People have received death threats simply because they ship it.

I would like to note something about the ship. The ship is between two fictional characters that have never been portrayed using real people in official material. I am not huge on shipping, and I would like to say something about why I ship Bluegold in the first place.

FIREWORKS.

Bluegold may not be the healthiest relationship, but it is an interesting relationship. It has chemistry. So why are we afraid of pyrotechnics when we only want beakers that make blue foam and magic tricks?

Because of the shift right.

People believe that ships must be healthy. In real life, yeah, I agree. But we’ve already established that these characters don’t exist. We just moved out of an era where sex was seen as something that could be casual and consensual. Where people could do anything they wanted with their body, because it’s their body.

But now? People see sex as something dirty. They treat it as such. They treat it as something that should never be shared with the public. Something that shouldn’t be portrayed in media. And shipping has received the same treatment. It should not be portrayed unless it is clean. Unless it is pure.

And we shouldn’t ignore the other warning signs. People also tend to hate LGBTQ+ ships. Because of conservatism. The shift right. If they are not healthy and up to par with the standard, straight ships tend to get a pass while LGBTQ+ ships are fought over. Ships between immortal characters are often fought over because of a thousand year age-difference, even if the characters knew of each other’s existence when they were both adults.

But what about the latter? People who seem to embrace a ship because they like it? People who embrace sexual things, things that were once seen as taboo? Things that are not right, but left?

There’s a problem with them too. We aren’t done.

Hypersexuality. The word “puritan” is no longer justifiable. It is thrown around, used on anyone who ever discusses sex in a negative light, no matter the context. And VERY often used in fandom.

When people say that a character is hypersexual, and it doesn’t line up with the canon portrayal, they are seen as a puritan. That does not mean that they aren’t. It’s an issue that saying “hey why are treating this character like a sex demon in spaces that we shouldn’t and being completely serious about it” is treated like a bad thing.

This can be described as allonormativity. People who DO feel romantic and sexual attraction believe that it is wrong or weird to portray a character as possibly not liking, or even caring about those things. Not all characters will have sex discussed in the media they are in and sometimes it can be difficult to pinpoint whether or not they have a certain opinion on it.

To say that we should respect people who portray a character as liking sex and romance, loving sex or romance, or being hypersexual or hyperromantic, then turn around and decide that anyone who does not portray a character like that is a puritan, is an issue.

It is ace and arophobic.

Aroace people are often targets for this behavior. They portray a character as being aroace, and they’re the bad guy. Because it is so normalized in our society to like sex and have sexual feelings, we forget that not everyone does, and lash out at them. We fight so hard for people to be able to portray sex and romance, that we forget that people who don’t want to see it are also valid in that belief. There is a difference between “I do not want to see sex” and “I do not want to see sex in media.”

Some people just don’t feel those feelings. They can’t help it. Just like how you can’t help that you can.

I would like to reveal what I was talking about at the beginning of this post. The fandom and ship that sparked this idea in my head.

The Cookie Run Kingdom fandom. Shadownilla.

I have recently been accused of being a puritan in a discussion I had recently. That I came off as “weird” because I pointed out that people tend to portray Pure Vanilla Cookie as either a child or a sex demon. (Give it up for woobification!)

When I said that, I did not mean that he could never be portrayed as some guy who likes sex. I meant that people do not know where to set the line. He is an adult with adult feelings. He has been around for, likely, a few millennia, and refers to himself as old. I meant that people hypersexualize him. They take these kinds of portrayals and bring them into spaces that they shouldn’t, such as spaces with minors, spaces that don’t allow NSFW, and serious discussions.

And when someone points it out, they are seen as the bad guy. Even though that person could be sex-positive. Even when that person is a leftist. When that person does not agree with the idea that sex should never be portrayed.

if we were oh so “normal”, then people wouldn’t be saying shit to us like !! :

you just haven’t met the right person

I guess it takes the right person to fix it

oh I used to be like that

you’re just a late bloomer

you’re too young to know

it’s just a phase

IM!! YES other people in the LGBT community face some of those statements as well for their identity, but at least they get!! a goddamned letter in the acronym!! 

it’s common knowledge that bi people are gatekeeped by a lot of gay people if they’re in a het relationship, but !! they still get a letter, they don’t have to fight for that shit!! the a don’t stand for ally according to your average LGBT, but as soon as it stands for aroace then UM ACTUALLY IT SUDDENLY NOW STANDS FOR ALLY!!!

other LGBT people get a place to feel safe!! a community!! aroace people get pushed out of the community, the place that’s supposed to be safe for us, we get told we’re straight, that we aren’t oppressed because we can’t get kicked out for being aroace, that it’s a weird combination of ableism and racism or misogyny, that aroacephobia isn’t even!! a goddamned thing!!!

when my guy, it is!! these people, who are so desperate to keep us aroaces out of the place that’s supposed to be safe for non-straight people, are perpetuating the very thing they say doesn’t exist!!

don’t even get me started on corrective therapy and the shit people pull to try and “fix” aroaces. that shit is traumatizing af. they wouldn’t say the corrective therapy gay and trans people doesn’t count as oppression, so why are they claiming aroaces aren’t oppressed at all either!!