#allthingsmusic

Hi Anon,

Don’t worry, you weren’t being rude at all! Nothing wrong with curiosity. I assume you’re referring to Clara’s message in @allthingsmusicofficial ‘s video?

DID is a dissociative disorder that forms from repeated childhood trauma. During this time, the sense of consciousness is prone to dissociating, and parts can become dissociated from one another, as a way of protecting the vulnerable child. These parts then can form into alternative personalities, or alters.

DID is a complex condition, and works differently from system to system, so it’s hard to say how it functions, because of the differences. From a general point of view, different alters can take control of the body, known as fronting, or can be aware of the surrounding, but not interact with it, known as co-consciousness (some systems use the term co-fronting), or be completely unaware. This can cause amnesia between alters, which leads to unexplained memory gaps. Many systems can work towards co-consciousness and finding ways around the amnesia, for example, keeping a notebook or leaving notes in places that the system is likely to visit (for example, on the fridge, on a cork board, on a work desk, etc.). The way it was described to me is to imaging that the body is the car, and the alters are all the people in the car. You can be in the driver’s seat, where you’re controlling what’s going on, you could be in the front passenger seat, where you can clearly see what is going on, but are not in control of the car, you could be in the back seat, where you can sort of see what’s going on, but can’t figure out specifics, or you could be in the boot, where you have no idea what is going on. Like the viewpoints in the car, co-consciousness can work at different levels, from being completely aware and communicating, or from barely being able to interpret the situation.

Alters can Switch for different reasons, sometimes they are brought forward by a trigger, such as the person being in a situation that alters can handle, or even that they found something cool and want to check it out. Again, this varies from system to system. Alters can have specific roles, to help the system function more smoothly, some alters are better at handling certain situation than others in the system. Some systems are small, some are much larger, some alters are vastly different, while others are similar, and some systems have inner worlds (where alters can appear when they are not co-conscious), some don’t, some have large inner world, some are small, some are like fantasy realms, while others are more realistic. This all varies from system to system.

Does that cover what you were curious about? Feel free to drop another ask at any time, and we’ll answer when we can. There are some YouTube channels that explain DID in more depth, I mainly watched MultiplicityAndMe ( @multiplicityandme / @multiplicityandwe )and The Labyrinth System ( @thelabyrinthsystem ) they’ve done some pretty cool videos.

I see Jack do amazing things with this community, like charity streams and SepticArt videos. I see YouTubers, like Jack, going on tour. I see tons of incredible fan art from people. I see how happy people get when their favourite YouTuber replies to them, or even just likes their post or tweet. It makes their day, no matter how bad it previously was.

Depression tells me I’ll never have that, that I’ll never mean that much to anyone or be able to do such amazing things. Depression tells me that no-one would ever look up to me like that. It tells me I might as well give up on my videos, that they’re boring. That I’m boring, and that no-one cares - even though I know people do.

Depression says I’ll never succeed. Depression says I’ll never be a real YouTuber, that no-one would ever want to watch me. Anxiety agrees, saying everyone hates me and thinks I’m weird so no-one would watch me - even though I know people do.

Anxiety says you will all leave me, you will or do hate me. Depression agrees, saying I’m not even likeable. They both question ‘what is there to like?’, and I sometimes struggle to answer them.

Being a YouTuber is not all about numbers, but it is all about the people. I want to make so many people happy, just like Jack and many other YouTubers do. I want to spread love and happiness, especially as I know their are people who struggle to find it anywhere else in life. Just like I did when I found YouTubers. I want to try and make people’s lives better, just like Jack did for me. I want to make people smile, laugh, or even cry if it makes them feel better - and I want to make them feel that they are not alone.

But they make me doubt. Depression says it’s a dream that will never happen, that I should give up. Anxiety says it will never happen because no-one will like me, that I’m too boring and annoying. They team up against me, holding me down and telling me I’m not good enough to achieve my dream.

Some people tell me the same, and they both get stronger as they feel like they are winning. What they say gets validated, and so they take over my mind even more and increase my self-doubt. 

But here’s the thing. They can try, they can say what they want - but I will not give up. I will never give up.

Why?

Because I care too much. I love it too much. It does help the people who do watch what I make, and that is what matters. It does have a positive impact, whether people see that or not. It’s a dream worth chasing, it’s something worth fighting for. I will fight back against anxiety and depression. I won’t let them win. Nothing can make me give up on my dream of spreading love and happiness across the world through the internet. Nothing will stand in the way of me and anyone who chooses to be a part of this dream.

@therealjacksepticeye Thank you for being such a big inspiration to me. I wouldn’t have even got this dream if it wasn’t for you. I wouldn’t have even tried it. I have made some people happy through YT already, and I have you to thank for it. Your words ‘I believe in you’ have helped me more than you’ll ever know. Thank you for spreading PMA and love everywhere, just like I hope and aim to do. I look up to you, a friend and a hero, and I hope I can make you proud one day. I’m trying so hard this year with PMA - and I hope I don’t let you and the community down. If I can be even a fraction of the person you are, I’ll be someone who’s worth being proud of.