#depression help

My new dinner to force myself to eat is what I like to call Bastard Fried Rice.

I buy the Minute Rice cups and heat one up. (Put that rice in a bowl after.)

Then, I get some frozen green beans (or veggie of choice) and heat a handful up in the microwave on a dish for 2 minutes.

I set my veggies aside and put my choice of cheese in the dish with rice and poor some eggs into the mix. Stir that up and heat in the microwave for 45-75 seconds depending on how cooked you want the eggs.

Once done you stir in your veggies and eat!

I also add fried hot dogs sometimes and I'm sure you can add in other meats!

This dinner saves my ass whenever I can't get myself to cook more complicated dinners. The convenience and simplicity of it gets me to eat and it fills me pretty well. (I'm a big guy who works out frequently so I need my calories.)

hi loves,

i've been staring at this blank post text editor for like an hour because i don't really know how to say this without sounding dramatic or attention-seeking, but i also know that staying silent about it isn't helping anyone.

i've been really, really struggling lately. like, the kind of struggling where getting out of bed feels like climbing a mountain, and things that used to bring me joy just… don't anymore.

it started about a month ago, this heavy feeling that just settled over everything. at first i thought i was just tired from school stress, but then it kept getting worse. writing used to be my escape, my favorite thing to do, and suddenly i couldn't even open my laptop without feeling this overwhelming sense of "what's the point?"

⋆｡‧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚‧｡⋆ when your safe spaces don't feel safe anymore ⋆｡‧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚‧｡⋆

the scariest part has been losing motivation for this blog. you guys don't know how much this space means to me, it's where i process my thoughts, connect with people who get it, share the messy parts of growing up. but for weeks, every time i'd try to write, my brain would just… shut down.

i'd sit here with all these asks in my inbox from people looking for advice or support, and i'd feel like such a fraud. how can i help anyone else when i can barely help myself? how can i write about self-love and growth when i don't even want to look in the mirror?

studying became impossible. i'd stare at my textbooks and the words would just blur together. everything felt pointless and exhausting. even things like watching netflix or scrolling tiktok - stuff that used to be mindless comfort - started feeling like too much effort.

⋆｡‧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚‧｡⋆ the guilt makes it worse ⋆｡‧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚‧｡⋆

and then there's the guilt. guilt about not posting consistently. guilt about letting people down who look forward to my content. guilt about "wasting" opportunities when i should be grateful for everything i have.

my brain kept telling me i was being dramatic, that other people have real problems, that i should just snap out of it. but depression doesn't work that way. it's not a choice or a mood... it's like this fog that settles over everything and makes the world feel muted and distant.

i kept thinking about all the posts i've written about motivation and self-care, and feeling like a hypocrite. like, here i am telling people to practice gratitude and take care of themselves, while i'm lying in bed at 3pm eating cereal and crying over nothing.

⋆｡‧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚‧｡⋆ tiny steps back to myself ⋆｡‧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚‧｡⋆

i'm not magically better, healing isn't linear and it's definitely not fast. but i'm trying to be gentler with myself and take really small steps back toward the things that used to bring me joy.

starting ridiculously small ~ instead of trying to write full blog posts, i'm just writing one sentence in my journal. instead of planning elaborate self-care routines, i'm just brushing my teeth and calling it a win.

letting people help ~ i finally told my friend what was going on instead of pretending everything was fine. she's been checking in on me and sometimes just sitting with me when everything feels too much.

not forcing the motivation ~ instead of waiting to "feel like" doing things, i'm trying to do tiny versions of them anyway. like, i can't write a whole post, but maybe i can answer one ask. i can't study for hours, but maybe i can read one page.

accepting that this is temporary ~ depression lies to you and tells you it's permanent, that you'll never feel joy again. but i've been reminding myself that feelings are temporary, even the really awful ones.

⋆｡‧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚‧｡⋆ why i'm sharing this ⋆｡‧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚‧｡⋆

i'm writing this because i know some of you are probably going through something similar. maybe you've also lost interest in things you used to love, or you're feeling guilty about not being productive, or you're wondering if you're broken somehow.

you're not broken. depression is real, and it's not your fault, and you don't have to pretend to be okay for anyone else's comfort.

i don't have some inspiring conclusion where everything's perfect now. i'm still figuring it out, still having bad days, still learning how to be patient with my own healing process.

but writing this post? it felt a little bit like coming home to myself. so maybe that's something.

if you're struggling too, please be gentle with yourself. we're going to get through this 💕

✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧

with love and solidarity, mindy ♡

“You think life sucks now? Just wait until you’re grown” okay grandpa what if they don’t make it to adulthood? What if it gets worse until they only see one way out and they take it? Stop being dismissive. Stop forcing your problems onto young people and start taking them seriously about things. Period.

Pinterest is a legitimate way to become inspired or to research your story. One of my WIPs is partially from finding aesthetics I wanted to write about.

Bullet points and even asking yourself questions in the document is fine. Ex: "Do I want X to climb up the cliff or try to go get help?"

Writing anything, even if it's not related to your WIP, is fine. It's momentum.