#adjusted

My dad says everyone’s a little weird, My mom says everyone suffers and I’ve been around all these people, all these years and they seem pretty well adjusted. Energy can’t lie, so I know people hurt, and we all have our secrets But, their chaos seems to pattern into concrete outcomes Maybe dense enough to get stuck in, and call it progress But there’s something to work with, something to critique I’m flat on the ground beneath my mask, I’m beyond anxiety about it even.  Just burnt out with the chronic before-diagnosis landscape Going through the motions, and seemingly getting nowhere They say peace is within, but then judge you when you have there but nowhere else, when you can’t keep up and the employment history is patchy, when you haven’t found the ideal space or place, finished the degree or waltzed manicured and pedicured into the wedding with a wealthy engineer I have been on the outside looking in my entire life, wondering when the doors would open, when it would start making sense It’s making more sense now, I don’t think I am going to ‘make’ it, whatever that means anymore. And I am desperately sad about that, but also relieved. Feels like I don’t have to try anymore. But also like I have given up.