Dark Obsessions

Like it's. Huge.

The biggest emotions, moving, crashing down on me, but they have no name. I can't know, for the love of God, what they are. They're just here and crushing me and overwhelming me. Making me paralysed and stuck and wrong.

And some other times, generally when I'm supposed to feel joy, pure joy, content, happiness, euphoria, whatever you wanna call it, I feel nothing and really want to be alone at home rather than surrounded by those people, even if i know them.

I'm realising that often, I fake happiness because I'm supposed to be happy, but really, i feel neutral or even annoyed.

For example, I was at my first ever pride. It was big, colourful, loud, people smiling and laughing and dancing and singing, my friends deeply enjoying themselves...

But honestly. I would have rather been home, doing my usual stuff.

I love my friends, I love my job, I love my coworkers, I even love people, but I like being alone better. I like being in my own little calm corner. Or not calm. But my corner.

is this what fish see? …damn they’re lucky

this is so calming to me…