#adhd!buck

It doesn't mean that Buck is not interested in queer stuff. I mean, we all know how unpredictable hyperfixations are, how they get you when you least expect it. And we also know the opposite is true, that you can't force yourself into being fixated on something when you're not in the right mindset for it, even if the topic in general does interest you.

What it can mean though is that Buck is slightly dreading dealing with the topic. As much as it seems on the outside that he's speedrunning the whole thing, that picture doesn't hold up when you look closer. Buck did struggle with the shift from being An Ally to actually Being Queer himself. He did get a good impression of what Being Queer does to a person, he lived through the anxiety over how people will react to feeling bad for lying to offending/hurting other queer people without intending to do so. And then Buck got lucky because, let's be honest, the 118 firefam is nothing if not accepting and inclusive. So a huge part of these struggles were resolved quickly for him. And then he apologized to Tommy and Tommy gave him a second chance and that's where Buck stopped dealing with it. He's dating a man now, yes, he's got a boyfriend and everyone is happy for him and he's happy with it and Tommy is happy, what else is there to deal with? He has reached a conclusion and the solution is working for him just fine, there's absolutely no need to change anything about it. So he doesn't.

Many ADHD people (myself included) will push off dealing with uncomfortable tasks as long as they can get away with it. They will only start them if it is absolutely necessary, no way around it. And that's exactly what Buck is doing. He knows, at least on some level and due to his prior experience, that diving deeper into queer topics will result in more questions than answers. He knows it will bring to light uncomfortable truths (for example where he is on the Kinsey Scale and is that even compatible with Tommy?) And he knows these truths might result in, maybe not problems, but at least disruptions in his current (happy) situation. He doesn't want that. So he doesn't do it. It's actually pretty simple.

Buck’s never been great at sitting still. His brain moves fast, his body moves faster, and sometimes the world is just… too much. But Eddie’s chair? Eddie’s hands? That’s where everything quiets. — So now it's time for Barber!Eddie - thought I'd switch it up a bit. — multi-POV (Or: everyone else witnesses how calm Buck becomes when Eddie cuts his hair — and one day, Buck finally sees it too.)

So. . . . clearly I have a thing for Buck and Eddie getting haircuts (sorry. not sorry)

Couldn't resist and had to get Eddie to have a go at cutting Buck's hair this time.

do you know of any fics on ao3 where buck is trying out different medications for adhd?

and he’s having reactions, like i think anger, and the last one i believe makes buck pass out and bobby thinks that buck’s an addict

i’ve been scouring ao3, but i can’t find it anywhere in the Evan Buckley has ADHD tag

tyssssm

hii!

It's been confirmed since last season by Maddie that Buck is "very good at seeming fine" or better than he is. We have lots of proof of that on screen. We have Buck saying to a therapist that he hides his true emotions. We have many, many indicators on screen of Buck being neurodivergent, with low self esteem, being very perceptive, and putting everything into being what other people need.

If we go with that, with possible ADHD, or C-PTSD (which is trauma caused by prolonged traumatic events like neglectful/abusive parenting) - I feel like I should make a list of all the symptoms and signs that coincide with Buck - but point is, lots of neurodivergent people but especially those tend to do a thing called "masking"

It's exactly what it sounds like, aka they put on a mask around people to try and act how people expect them to. This act is perfected throughout the years and is very flexible. It's constant awareness of the situation, picking up on the smallest changes in the people around you and adjusting yourself to a "this is how I should be acting" setting, or "this is what this person/situation expects or alternatively needs right now".

Often times, you tend to lose your own self in there, you push aside all your own feelings and needs - which is what Buck admitted to his therapist. We also know he always feels like he needs to put on thee firefighter "costume" to feel worthy.

So basically, Buck puts up an act to be the best person he can, according to what the people around him need. I'm not saying it's not part of his personality to want to help people, because it is. But the problem is that it's to a fault. He will go extreme lengths no matter what his own feelings or needs say.

I mean, with Eddie it's a healthy thing bc man Eddie gives back. But again, Buck saw what Eddie needed and constantly immediately took initiative. He helped get Carla into his life, made sure Bobby knew about Chris and helped out there, he became a whole second parent to Chris bc he saw these two people needed it. They are two people who surprisingly returned the sentiment.

Which surprises Buck. Even after what 3 years(?) Buck still has to hear from Eddie explicitly that he's not expendable.

Buck believes he is, because he thinks he's just doing what he should be doing. It doesn't matter how he feels, this is what he does. It wouldn't change his behavior if Eddie did think he was expendable. (tho it would damage him further)

My point is, Buck is very good at acting. He is mentally very strong and resilient because he knows how to put his own self aside and be what people need him to be. (That unfortunately reinforces his idea that it's not him that's worthy, it's just his actions, which anyone can do, since of course Buck is just emulating what he thinks someone should be doing).

And in my opinion, we see Buck backsliding a bit since his parents popped up - which is practically inevitable, even without the whole new life changing revelation about his brother, which made things worth because his whole existence now was excuse as Buck just being there "for parts". It reinforces the idea in his head that he's just there to be useful to people, to be what they need, regardless of himself. And that's probably not a conscious thought 99% of the time.

I also haven't seen anyone mentioning Buck mentioning the therapist this season which would fit my backsliding theory, just based on myself who also grew up thinking I'm not allowed therapy bc I can convince everyone and especially myself "I'm fine", so he probably convinced himself he doesn't need it. Or it was too hard to keep fighting to recover, for now he just has to get through things, and that means resorting to old behaviors and habits.

It's how he copes and survives. Being what others need. Especially so he doesn't end up alone and unloved, because he definitely feels unloved. And he's desperate to prove the opposite, that he's worth something.

I‘m so happy 💕💕💕

Congrats to all of us 😍😭

Literally no one asked for this, but I delivered anyway. These are kind of headcannons but also reasons why I think he has adhd.

He absolutely has forgotten the word for things like cucumbers at subway so he just has to point instead or gesture vaguely (can confirm. i have done this)

Bouncy Leg™ or tappy fingers

Hyperfixations!! he spends wayyy too much time on wikipedia at random hours (hence his natural disaster knowledge) christopher loves to ask him for weird animal facts 

Impulse control flies out the window when he sees something christopher would like. he can and will buy it for him

He looooves carbs (many adhd people self medicate with sugar or carbs because it causes a release of dopamine. adhd people’s brains have abnormally low levels so sugar gives a boost!) 

Same with caffeine! He probably has a cup of coffee or tea before heading to work to help him chill out a bit

Rejection Sensitivity Disorder! little comments get to him more than he likes to let on (*cough* that one goddamn exhausting comment *cough* i’m still salty about that thanks)

He has a super hard time regulating emotions (this is super visible in the show, see s3 with the whole lawsuit thing. he was totally right about that tho. basically all of s3 ep16) this kinda also has to do with RSD

He’s super sensitive to other people’s emotions because he doesn’t want them to either hate him or be in pain (his convo with christopher on the pier)

His brain takes in way more information way quicker which makes him great at being a firefighter! (adhd people tend to make connections that other people might not see and they make them quicker)

Also exercise helps to burn off energy and focus the mind so he probably spends a very long time at the gym