for some people lesbianism is a feminist choice. and it can be a pretty badass choice too to not date cis/bio men under the patriarchy, but.
those people
by definition...
are not homosexual lesbians. right?
they are technically experiencing bisexual attraction, or at least have in the past, since they do experience straight attraction at times or have previously. it is a totally different, tho at times overlapping, experience. they are often lesbian-identifying too, often as a boundary to communicate to people they choose not to date cis men/have het relationships. especially if they get a serious gay relationship, they might start to have more experiences with gay people than het-dating bi sapphics. so they may feel the urge to differentiate themselves. and honestly i have a bit of open-mindedness when it comes to that. but, often, they say things like "well sex with cis/bio men feels good, since it's sexual and your body can get aroused naturally and it can be hot in the moment, but it's just not my preference" and expect exclusive lesbians to just nod along instead of pointing out that it is not true homosexuality, as in total lack of attraction/ability to be aroused in a straight kinda way and that it kind of declares that female bodies will always instinctively be turned on around male bodies.
if they have gotten aroused with cis men, desired kissing/fucking them, enjoyed sex with them, then they are not true homosexual lesbians, and definitely not a lesbian at all for the second one & usually not with the last as well. these are the sapphics that often can call themselves bi lesbians. which i do feel is inappropriate - personally, they should just say sapphic, sapphic-leaning bisexual or febfem if they actively experience het attraction. it's a tough situation for both sapphic bisexuals and true homo lesbians though. there's lesbian as a lifestyle, which bi women can experience even for 40+ years if they don't date cis men, but also there's lesbianism as total exclusion of attraction to cis men, and at times to amab people in general. we need to stop speaking for one another on our experiences. so much lesbophobia and biphobia plagues our sapphic spaces already.
imo, you can use the label lesbian if you are truly unhappy dating cis men and have had no genuine attraction to them. but you need to know and respect our experiences as sapphics who truly cannot be attracted to cis men. you cannot say shit like sexuality is fluid, sex with cis men can feel fulfilling even if you're not into them, sexuality is too complex and can change, etc. that disregards true exclusive same-sex attracted and just solely gay-attracted people. you can't get away with that.
it's about mutual respect within the sapphic community.
as someone who lived identifying as bi due to my attraction to trans guys, but truly is exclusively same-sex/agab attracted and realized i am only into trans guys based on them being afab, and need an openly sapphic-identified and sapphic-passing relationship if i did date one, i think sexuality and relationships can be very complicated and difficult to put into words. especially when things like transness, trauma, or life circumstances come into play. but we cannot keep trampling over one another's boundaries and speak for communities that we don't fully understand. it's about tangible experience, and recognizing the full spectrum of lesbian lives. i also do heavily support people who identify as bi but are afab4afab, aka only experience same-sex/agab attraction. if they date ppl who present a different way and at times happily pass as straight with their partner, that can definitely affect their sense of identity. we should have freedom of self-definition to a healthy degree. but we can't keep speaking over one another and spout random bullshit that rightwingers love gobbling up. we need to respect differences.
