Top Things People Get Wrong About Empaths
Hello. Empath here that is an INFJ. This is a list of claims I've seen made all over the internet and by other people in my life, and I'm here to give some insight as to why these may be horribly untrue, or may not apply to every person with high empathy.
To explain what empathy is, it is the ability to feel the emotional output of other people as they experience their emotions.
In short, empathic people are highly sensitive to changes in emotional energy in their immediate environment, and are likely to respond more quickly to it.
Now, on with the myths.
1.) Empathic people are inherently sympathetic and are prone to being gullible.
This one may be true for some empaths, but not all. Empathy and sympathy do NOT go hand-in-hand. I made an earlier post mentioning that feeling someone else's emotions can actually be terrifying, especially when you know the other person is using this against you. A person who has never been psychologically harmed in this way may be prone to acting in a gullible manner, but someone who's been through emotional manipulation a few times will be more guarded. This is because they recognize the patterns of manipulation from past abusers and can see it clear as day. In these cases, they may feel the urge for sympathy, but will not act on it.
2.) All empaths are warm and sweet; they can do no wrong.
This statement couldn't be more wrong if it tried. While some empaths can be sweet, kind, generous and only act for good, others can be cold, vicious, and just as likely to be abusive in their own right. If you've met one empath, you have only met ONE empath. No two will be exactly alike.
Imagine you meet someone, and they are the kindest, most thoughtful and sweetest person you could imagine. They're absolutely perfect. You hit it off, become good friends, and this probably lasts for a few months to several years. You'd trust your life with this person. They know your struggles, your insecurities, fears and your darkest secrets. Then, without warning, you're having a conversation with them and something seems to shift. You can't quite name why, so you shrug it off. Over the course of days to months, your best friend for life slowly becomes more distant and closed off. You talk to your other friends, and strangely, the people you could once go to for advice, guidance, or just to let loose with for a bit suddenly seem a bit detached, and they also start pulling away. One by one, your support network crumbles, and even your co-workers seem strangely aloof. Then, one day, as if someone had flipped a switch, you're left completely alone by everyone you once knew as good people, best friends, and even lovers. No one seems to have sympathy for you, and your mental state is at an all-time low. Everyone, even your best friend for life is now gone, and you have no clue why. You don't even have enough evidence to point the blame at anyone because it all happened so subtly, and technically, no one did anything wrong. This didn't happen overnight. It was calculated, long before you felt that initial shift.
This is what an empath who wants to hurt you is capable of.
3.) Empaths cannot be alexithymic because they know how people are feeling.
I am an empath with alexithymia traits. It can happen. That's because alexithymia is not defined by a lack of empathy. It is defined by a lack of ability to understand and express emotions properly.
People with alexithymia are NOT emotionless, and people with high empathy don't always react to what they're feeling in the same way. To understand what an empathic person with alexithymia might look like, let me give you a peek into my head for a moment.
Imagine you're a machine that has the ability to detect sounds that others cannot hear, and you have the ability to play them back at a frequency others can hear. However, you are not programed to know what frequency the sound you are playing back is coming from, so when you translate and play it back, it might sound incorrect, or even inaudible. You know where the sound is coming from, but you don't know what frequency the sound you're detecting is at. The sounds are the emotions you are feeling, but you don't know what emotions they are, so you can only really guess.
I personally appreciate that others would like to speak good on behalf of empathic people, but generalized statements like these can be extremely harmful, both for empaths and people with low empathy.
Empathy is often treated as this benevolent gift, but the reality is that it is a double edged sword, and not everyone will take advantage of the perks for the reasons that they should.
Everyone is different in their own way, and that is because all of us grew up with different personalities and made different decisions with what we were given. An empath is JUST as likely to make social mistakes as a person with little-to-no empathy. Empaths are just people who happen to be more sensitive than other people.
