#empath problems

Oh and feeling everyone’s pain and what’s really going on with them but they’re not being honest with themselves, so you just feel stuff they won’t acknowledge and it’s awkward and uncomfortable as eff.

… So then you hold it all in inside and you try not to speak on everything you see, so now you’re the weird one and there’s something very wrong with you.

And then people wonder why you’re such a hermit recluse…

I hadn’t let myself fall for anyone after him. Not really. It wasn’t just a breakup — it was the kind of loss that leaves you stuck in the middle of love and grief. The kind of love that felt like home, until it wasn’t mine anymore. I spent months holding onto pieces of what we had, trying not to let the emptiness swallow me. I loved him. I still think I do, somewhere.

So I stayed alone. Not because I wanted to — but because no one felt safe after that. I didn’t have it in me to start over, to peel back the layers and let someone else see me. I wasn’t ready to be soft again, to be held or touched or known.

But then I tried.

And I wish I hadn’t. Because the next person didn’t just break my heart — he broke my mind. Slowly. Quietly. In ways that made me question if I was the problem. I let him in even though I was scared, even though every part of me was still bleeding from before. I tried to love again, to be open. I gave it another chance.

And it destroyed me. It wasn’t love. It was chaos disguised as comfort. I went from mourning the one I loved to surviving someone I couldn’t even recognize myself around. I wasn’t healed, but I was hopeful — and that hope was used against me.

Now I miss the old love more than ever. The one I had before all this. The one I thought I could survive losing. I never thought I’d say it, but losing him was easier than surviving what came after.

I should’ve stayed alone.

But I just wanted to feel something safe again.

- L 💌

forcing myself to exist and censor myself on this because we haven't built this trust is masking. and frankly I don't feel safe to unmask almost ever, and even though when I'm by myself I don't have to mask, when the way I see the world centres around other people, do I really unmask if there's no one around to see it? I am the forest and the tree falling in it. unmasking is about communication, connection. I have that with myself. I need it with others more often. it's fucking hard to be like 'oh yeah here is my unmet need that disables me all the time can you meet it' no it has to be natural and feel right and I can feel it if it's not and I won't feel safe.

bonus:

Some travel through life, blind, by their own thoughts, by a truth to which they themselves set limits.

Every truth perhaps has its downside. Contrasting ideas will make one of them endure. The fact that one truth is more powerful than another lies in the conviction of the arguments. How many times have you, as an empathetic person, been lied to directly? You knew that wasn't the true value of those words. It's difficult sometimes to trust your truth, but deep down you know that person's eyes didn't say the same as their mouth.

Thus, perhaps, we enter a part of a sensitive awakening, which, like all awakenings, may bring us emotional misfortunes. We feel less connected to what we felt, because now we feel more. Noticing energies doesn't necessarily have to be an exercise in capturing auras or reading horoscopes, but if we truly believe that energies are everywhere, it would be clear that all we need to do is notice them.

An empathetic person has the ability to, in the world, that we all know, perhaps venture to dismiss what most people think in broad strokes. Empaths, of course, embrace to a large extent, a great proportion of non-dual actions and thoughts. What truly raises awareness in someone, is using constructive knowledge along with positive thoughts. And thus taking the fatal facts for said person, and transforming them into something that fosters personal growth.

Growing as a person and empathetically, not only involves personal growth but also turning misfortunes, apart from knowledge, into a form of self-love and love for others.