#acota

Nesta watched Feyre and Rhysand banter among each other mid-air longingly. She had never experienced true love. And if Cassian had grown up with Rhysand, it would only mean he had as much love to give to her as Rhysand does with Feyre.

She smiled at that thought, only to have Rhysand look at her weird. She shot him a look, Feyre laughing into the winds, before he got ready to land in the House of Wind.

They landed smoothly and Nesta straightened her hair. Azriel was waiting in the sitting room, Cassian nowhere to be found. Behind her, Rhysand asked the Shadowsinger before she did. “Where is he?”

Azriel sighed and pointed to the direction of the kitchen, and said, “In the kitchen rummaging through whatever alcohol could get him drunk the fastest. Elain’s trying to stop him.” Nesta stared at him blankly. Why the hell would Cassian want to get drunk? Shouldn't he be happy she accepted the bond, even if she wasn’t aware that she did? There were sounds of cupboard doors banging shut, and a small whine coming out from what sounded like Elain.

“Cassiaaaaaaaan!” 

Feyre walked over to Nesta and held her hand. “Do you want us to get him in order, or do you want to do it yourself?” Nesta blinked at her sister and frowned..

“What difference would it make?”

Feyre glanced at Rhysand before saying, “If we do it, it’ll be. . more official, I would say?” Rhysand nodded, and she continued. “Cassian would prefer if it was you. His pride wouldn’t be as hurt then. He’s most likely drinking because of the whole mating bond thing,” Feyre finished, wincing.

Nesta debated quietly for a while. “And if I got his shit together?”

Azriel, surprisingly, answered. “It means you accept the bond wholeheartedly, because you’re willing to be there for him when he needs it. To be his backbone and support.”

She looked at the three of them slowly, composing and bracing herself for the whirlwind of a mate in the kitchen. Nesta could still hear Elain trying to stop Cassian. It was time to take responsibility. 

Nesta Archeron breathed in and walked to the kitchen.

She passed the doorway, and what she saw was immediately embedded into her memory. Cassian was looking through a cupboard above the sink, one hand pushing past glasses as if he could find strong liquor in there, the other holding Elain back, who was slapping his arm. Not like it would be any use. 

"Rhysand hid all the liquor!" She was insisting to Nesta's stubborn mate. Both Faes were too busy focusing on their current goals that they had not realised Nesta was watching the whole ordeal. She stifled a laugh when Elain continued to hit Cassian and he remained unfazed. 

Putting her face to neutrality, she said, "Cassian." At that, he whipped towards her. 

"You're in trouble now," Elain just cooed to him, taking his hand off herself and walking past Nesta, out of the kitchen.

Cassian was still looking at Nesta up and down. He gulped when he noticed his dagger still strapped to her thigh. 

"What are you doing?" Nesta asked, setting a serious tone to throw him off guard. It would be fun to play games with him now. 

Cassian just threw her his million dollar smile and said, "I'm about to daylight drink, sweetheart." 

"Why would you want to do that?"

He walked over to her and tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. Her nose flared at that to play the part. 

"Why wouldn't I? I love to drink, you should know that from the year you spent with me." 

A statement to get her off her feet. As if she never wanted to take note of his routine when they were together. 

What he didn't know was she knew every single thing he did. The whiskey he took when days were good. The vodka shots he'd take when it was pure shit, mostly when that asshole Lord Devlon decided to humiliate Cassian. 

And most importantly, she knew he drank often at the camp because she was there with him. 

"Come with me," she simply said, disregarding Cassian's statement from earlier. Nesta turned on her heels, heading towards the library a floor below. The House of Wind was already empty save for the two of them, and she knew it was at Feyre's request. She silently thanked the Cauldron for Feyre’s quick work as Cassian followed her without a word. 

Nesta pushed open the door and pointed to a chair. "Sit."

Her mate listened and watched as she pulled a bottle of whiskey from the drawer by the chair, eyes wide. Nesta poured two glasses and passed one to Cassian. 

"Feyre lets me keep a bottle here," she explained. 

Cassian nodded and took a sip. "So, what are we doing here?" 

Nesta walked to the office table by the window, unsheathing his dagger and placed it down slowly. Cassian's hand brushed the twin dagger on his other thigh. “Give me yours,” she said, and he wordlessly unstrapped his and handed it to her. She set it by the dagger she took from him. The steel looked as if it swallowed the sunlight that shone on it. 

A harsh beauty, just like she was. 

Leaning on the table, Nesta swirled the glass and said, "Remember when I just turned into a Fae, I'd only come here?" 

"What's your point, sweetheart?" 

Ever the impatient Illyrian. Nesta sighed. 

"What I'm trying to say is, my time spent in this very library, among all these books, made me think. Made me understand that I am what I wasn't. And it took me a damn long time, because we all knew I hated the Fae more than anyone," she said, glancing at him. Cassian was looking into his wine glass, unable to think of anything to say. "And now, I find out I have a mate. The Cauldron must despise me so much, because they keep handing me things I don't want. Especially when I found out I indirectly accepted the bond by taking your weapon." 

His eyes shot to the two Illyrian daggers on the table, and he gulped. The Cassian she saw now wasn't the one with the fiery spirit she was used to seeing. This was the raw Cassian that she's seen so rarely, only when he was so worn down and had no solutions to his problems. 

Nesta sipped from the glass and placed it by the dagger, walking to him. She lifted up his chin and looked into those hazel eyes. 

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the dagger. I should've, but I didn't know how to," he said, full of sorrow. His apology caught her by surprise, but if she was to be honest to him in the library, then he might as well be too. 

Nesta took his glass and placed it on the table by his chair.  She got on her knees and leaned in, brushing a hand on his cheek. 

"The Cauldron may have handed me immortality and a soul bonded mate, but what I would do with that will always be my choice." She cupped his face in her hands to pull him to look at her. "What we both faced this morning only made me realize. . that I want it. I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

He stared into her eyes. "Why?" he whispered. 

"You were there for me, Cassian. When they took everything from me. You pulled me out of my suffering and grief, and trudged through Hell itself to make sure I was alright again." The year at the Illyrian Camp had made her realize that. And the morning she found out about the bond. . she didn’t mind it, to be with him for the rest of her life. There were tears streaming down his cheeks now, and she could feel them on hers too. Nesta wiped it away with her thumbs before saying, "I want to have this. To be your mate, for the rest of my godforsaken immortal life." He smiled at that and leaned closer, his lips brushing hers. 

"Can I?" She only nodded, unable to form the words. 

Cassian pressed his lips softly against hers. Her hand quickly moved to his hair, fingers tangling itself within it, but their kiss remained slow and passionate. Not like the kind she had gotten from Tomas or her other Fae flings—all of those had been filled with hunger. 

And Cassian, despite his rough hewn features and hulking size, kissed her with such love. He pulled her up, into his lap, trailing his kisses down her neck and over her collarbone.  Nesta was getting into it when she coughed out, “Cassian, do you want to do it here?”

The warmth from his lips left her neck at breakneck speed and he looked right at her, weighing her request. He started grinning when he realized that yes, Nesta was implying what he thought it was.

He angled her on his lap and stood, her legs wrapping around his waist. Cassian planted his arms under her ass to support her. He gave it a squeeze while nuzzling her neck, walking towards the shelves. “I have been dying to hold this for a long, long time,” he said, voice filled with desire. Nesta just pulled his head closer, enjoying the feel of his lips against her throat.

Nesta felt one of the shelves pushing against her back, her already core heating up from feeling Cassian’s hardening length. He was still working on her neck, as if he knew that it was her soft spot. His kisses on her neck had gone more insistent, and she could feel there were bruises blooming around it. 

Cassian really was marking his territory on her. Not that she didn’t like it.

Nesta began to unlace her leathers and threw it down, suddenly feeling hot in the library. She untied the bindings around her breasts, feeling them come free and the weight of it setting in. Cassian just watched, drinking in the sight before him. She was in the midst of unbuttoning his leathers while avoiding his wings when his lips circled around her nipple.

She had a stifle a moan when his tongue started swirling around the peaking bud, his teeth grazing the sensitive area. His right hand had moved from her ass to her right breast, squeezing and tugging, not entirely fitting into his large hand. Nesta concentrated on his buttons while he teased her, until she remembered the sensitivity of an Illyrian’s wings. She knew that they were untouchable, but. . .

Cassian groaned against her when she dragged a finger at the membrane beneath one of the talons, his wings flaring slightly. She could feel him getting harder and knew it wouldn’t be any more longer for him to claim her. He loosed out a breath and said, “That’s how you wanna play?”

If what he was doing to her hadn’t turned her on, the gruffness in his voice certainly did. 

Nesta was about to give a smart comeback when he pressed into her, pushing her into the shelves harder. She could feel the corners of some books digging into her back, but she couldn’t concentrate on the pain as she watched him untie her pants, balancing her enough to get it past her ass and to her mid thighs. He stepped back, placing a small distance between them, her warm core suddenly greeted by the cold air. Nesta could not process anything, not as Cassian propped one leg on the shelf, Nesta balancing on his knee, placed two of his fingers in his mouth, took them out and positioned it at her core. He teased and pulled at her folds, his eyes monitoring where his fingers were running on.

Nesta turned her eyes towards his face, and he slowly dragged his gaze up to her. He looked at her, and whispered, “I love you,” before he plunged his fingers into her.

Nesta gasped and her hands reached to the bookshelf behind her, gripping it with such intensity that she knew her knuckles were white. But she couldn’t let go, not when Cassian was pumping his fingers into her, his mouth lazily planting kisses on her neck. Her eyes fluttered shut and she tried, she really did, to focus on the three words he had uttered, but Cauldron, if he could already make her act this way with only his fingers, what would his tongue and cock do?

Her legs began to shake around his waist, her body begging for release. She was about to ride it out, not caring that his fingers were still in her, when he pulled it out. Nesta’s eyes snapped open, her mouth prepared to snarl at Cassian for taking away those godly fingers, when she felt his tip at her entrance. In her pleasured state, she had not realized that his other hand had untied his own pants.

And there he was, stroking his own, glorious length, his fingers glistening with her essence.

He had pushed her up a little higher unknowingly to her, both feet planted at the ground again, and had already found a direct way for him to get inside of her, past her pants still at her mid thigh. Nesta cupped Cassian’s face in her hands, pulling him closer, his tip brushing her opening, hands going to her ass again. He looked at her quizzically, as if waiting for her to say something.

Nesta only looked into those expressive, chocolate eyes, and said, “I love you.”

As if Cassian had waited for those words, he pressed his lips to her and drove his cock in, hitting home. She moaned against his mouth, her hands moving to his hair while adjusting to his length and size.

This was nothing like those lesser Faeries and Fae had.

Cassian pulled out and started thrusting, slowly but deeply, eliciting moans from her. He didn’t even look bothered that her pants were in the way, only watching as he entered her, again and again, each time coming out wetter than before, thanks to her. 

Nesta could see it in her mind now—the bond was shining clearly, the doorway to him wide open. She could feel his emotions and the rawness in it, the love and passion pouring from him.

She drank in those emotions as he thrusted into her and out, sweat dripping down to his brow. Cassian picked up the pace, as if he couldn’t get enough of her, one hand moving to hold the shelf behind her. Nesta knew she was closer than he was, given that he had a head start with those fingers, but she didn’t want to go without him.

With this bond, she didn’t want to go anywhere without him. So she decided to even the playing field. 

“Cass,” she breathed out, “I’m close, I’m close.”

He was grunting now, fucking her as hard as he can, but gentle enough so she won’t feel the pain of the shelves in her back. He only nodded, a few drops of his sweat dripping onto her bare breasts. 

Nesta could feel her climax rolling out, and traced a finger onto the wings of an unsuspecting Cassian. His eyes widened and he groaned, slamming into the hilt and Nesta moaned, unable to hold it in as she orgasmed. A few books from the shelf behind her fell as his hand pushed into the bookshelf, steadying himself as he came in her.

They stayed in that position for a while, until Cassian said, “You cheated.” 

Nesta laughed, and reached towards his wings again, but his hand moved fast enough to grip her wrist. He pulled it towards him and kissed the inside of it softly, before setting it down. He hoisted her up to pull himself out of her, her juice leaking down the floor, undoubtedly mixed with his.

“Look, you made a mess,” Nesta observed.

He gave her an incredulous look and said, “Hey, don’t blame me. It’s on the both of us.” She just hummed, turning away while pulling her pants up when he slapped her ass. Nesta turned her head sharply towards a grinning Cassian and noticed that he was stroking his cock. Again.

“No. No no no, I want to be able to walk out of here,” Nesta said, while walking backwards and trying to pull her pants up. Why the fuck must the leathers be so tight?

Cassian only walked towards her and it was then she realized he was intentionally directing her to the table. “Not a chance, sweetheart.”

The back of her legs hit the table and she could do nothing as she watched him approach her, taking his shirt off. His tattoos were stark against his tan skin, and she couldn’t help but admire them, like she always did at her time in the camps. He leaned down to kiss her nose and said, “Say it again,” as he gripped her waist and turned her around, slowly. She knew what he wanted to hear.

“I love you,” she whimpered, her palms going onto the table. 

He pulled her pants down slowly and she wiggled out of it. “Again,” he repeated, angling his cock at her entrance. Cauldron, she wanted to be fucked by him again.

“I love you.”

He pressed kisses down her neck, onto the lovebites he had given earlier, his hands stroking her back. “And I am in love with you. Until the end of this life,” he was saying against her back, planting kisses between each word.

And into the next, she heard his voice, clear as daylight, in her head and through the bond, before he fucked her from behind.

She hoped her youngest sister and her mate wouldn’t mind the scratches she left on their library table from their love-making.