#ace invalidation

Reminder that the whole “queer can’t be an umbrella term” Tumblr debate has become so massive lately in part because a few years ago exclusionists realized they were losing the argument with the majority of the community about if aces could ID as queer. 

Also a reminder that in online spaces where the Tumblr rhetoric has yet to catch up, “are aces allowed to call themselves queer” is still an ongoing debate, while “is it okay to refer to the community as queer?” isn’t really a thing.

Image descriptions and sources:

[Image set: a series of ten screenshots from various websites about asexuals and queer as an identifier.

Image 1: screenshot of a Tumblr post from the deactivated URL iambutchsolo.  The screenshot reads:

iambutchsolo:

If you’re a gay asexual you are “queer” because you are gay.

If you’re a biromantic asexual you are “queer” because you are bi.

If you’re a nonbinary asexual you are “queer” because you are nonbinary.

If you’re a cis heteromantic asexual, you are not “queer” because being asexual does not get you called “queer.”

Link to a reblog of the post on an exclusionist blog: [x] (No time stamp on reblog)

Image 2: screenshot of an anonymous ask on the Tumblr blog asexualadvice.  The screenshot reads:

Anonymous asked: ace people can't identify as queer IF they're heteroromantic or aromantic and cis... Queer is a slur born out of hatred towards people who weren't straight or cis, and those are the only people who get to reclaim it. I would be super glad if you could change your FAQ to include this. Not all ace people are queer!

Link to the ask: [x] (02/05/2015)

Image 3: screenshot of another anonymous ask on the Tumblr blog asexualadvice.  The screenshot reads:

Anonymous asked: LGBT asexuals are allowed to use the word queer. heteromantic asexuals are not. sorry but where were the straight asexuals at stonewall, at prop 8, at don't ask don't tell, at every LGBT person who has been literally killed and physically abused. they were happy being straight in a world catered to straight people. straight asexuals haven't had life made easy for them, but you want to use the word queer? have your civil rights stripped away first.

Link to the ask: [x] (03/25/2015)

Image 4: A screenshot of a portion of a post on the Tumblr blog Anagnori.  The screenshot reads:

Heteroromantic asexuals are not a threat to queer spaces

Every so often, the debate over “Are heteroromantic asexuals queer?” “Should they be accepted as part of the LGBTQ+ movement?” and “Are they really just straight people trying to co-opt queer spaces?” comes back around. There’s this persistent concern that heteroromantic asexual people will undermine or cause problems for LGBTQ+ people.

Link to the post: [x] (12/3, no year given)

Image 5: Screenshot of a post title on an inactive exclusionist Tumblr blog, morningchorus.  The screenshot reads:

Sexuality and why asexuals are not oppressed or queer

Link to the post on the exclusionist blog: [x] (05/22/2012)

Image 6: Screenshot of a paragraph of the Vice article “Asexuality: The People's Choice for People Who Don't Want ANYONE: Should people who identify as asexual fall under the umbrella of "queer?"”  The screenshot reads:

“Practicing sex/sexuality slightly differently, or not at all, does not make you queer” “Aria” wrote in a Tumblr post earlier this year. “People don’t shout ‘queer’ at an asexual person on the basis that they are not (sexually) attracted to anyone.”

The link to the original post by Aria is now defunct.

Link to the article: [x] (01/07/2013)

Image 7:  Screenshot of an ask and response on the exclusionist Tumblr blog discoursecherry.  The screenshot reads:

Anonymous asked:

ace and aro people are inherently lgbtq+ and can use queer if they feel comfortable :D

no they aren’t and no they can’t! if they do they’re homophobic!

#q slur /

Link to the ask on the exclusionist blog: [x] (05/30/2018)

Image 8: Screenshot of a post from now purged Tumblr blog vaginawoolf.  The screenshot reads:

vaginawoolf

queer is a reclaimed slur used historically against lgbt people. plenty of lgbt people still consider it to be a slur. it is not just some random moniker lgbt folks decided to apply to themselves. it has a history of violence attached to it. if you are cishet ace/aro this word literally has nothing to do with you. it’s not yours to reclaim. stop using it.

Link to a reblog of the post on an exlusionist blog: [x] (Reblogged 01/03/2015)

Image 9: Screenshot of a quoted forum post made by member gayjunhui in the forum thread “Which male idols do you think are gay?” on the site OneHallyu.  The post reads:

gayjunhui, on 16 Dec 2017 - 12:33 PM, said:

i can't believe i'm really seeing ace discourse in this thread. asexuals aren't "queer" and have no right to use the word, nor do they have any right to include themselves in the lgbt community. yall aren't oppressed for not fucking, get a job 

Link to the post: [x] (12/16/2017)

Image 10: A screenshot of a portion of the post “Asexuality Myths Debunked” on the Wordpress blog afroautpunk.  The screenshot reads:

Myth 7: Asexuals aren’t queer, especially those who are both cisgender and heteroromantic.

Literally fuck you.

SAY IT WITH ME NOW.

SEX AND LOVE ARE NOT NECESSARY.

YOU CAN HAVE A HAPPY ENDING WITHOUT LOVE.

HAPPINESS DOES NOT MEAN LOVE. IT CAN, BUT LOVE IS NOT NECESSARY FOR HAPPINESS.

MAKE SALLY ACE BECAUSE I ALMOST CRIED WHEN SHE SAID THAT SHE WAS ASEXUAL.

MAKE HER ACE BECAUSE I AM SO SICK OF THE AMAZING FEMALE LEAD BEING PORTRAYED AS NEEDING A LOVE INTEREST.

MAKE HER ACE BECAUSE WHY NOT?

ASEXUALITY IS AN REAL IDENTITY THAT REAL PEOPLE IN THE REAL WORLD HAVE SO LET ACES BE REPRESENTED IN THE MEDIA FOR ONCE WITHOUT US BEING THE ROBOTS OR THE VILLAINS.

AND ONE LAST TIME: ROMANTIC LOVE IS NOT THE SAME THING AS HAPPINESS.

Me: How can someone be sexual is my counter question then. And just so you know, it's insulting.

Guy: What do you mean, insulting... Being asexual is really rare. Being sexual, course I mean you have needs.

Me: At least 1% are asexual. That's millions of people

Guy: It's completely sick to be asexual in my opinion

Me: Why?

Guy: Because how can you not like having sex? Masturbating etc.? It's a dream! Have you never been horny?

Me: Talk about ignorance. You don't know what asexuality means.

Guy: Haha of course I know what it means

Me: Nope

Guy: Yes? Either you don't have a genital organ or you have no sexual interest etc.

Guy: Do you want to cuddle tonight? ;)

Me: Sorry but no

Guy: Haha why? ;)

Me: I think you're after something I'm not interested in

Guy: What do you mean?

Me: Getting intimate

Guy: Haha okay! And you don't like getting intimate... That sounded weird haha

Me: No, not really

Guy: Haha are you joking? :'D Are you asexual? xD

Me: Actually yes

You’re not the only one who feels this way. Sometimes I worry, too, that I’m not really aro ace (and I have to be like, whoops, sorry, Jeremy, guess I can’t run the blog with you anymore). What helps me is reading other people’s stories about their experiences of asexuality and how it impacts their lives. While I don’t have the same experiences as everyone else, I can relate to a lot of what they’re saying, and seeing what we have in common reminds me that I am ace. Having ace friends to talk to helps a lot, too, just to have a reminder that you’re not alone. (feel free to keep talking to us here if you want)

Additionally, if you’re looking for more information on sex repulsion, you might check out this carnival of aces, Queenie’s linkspam, and the blog @arcresources. Being sex repulsed is a valid way to be ace!