#ace dating

I’ve said this before: aceness can be isolating and it is extremely confusing and disheartening at times.

I find myself in a weird position now, as an ace, older sibling.

My little brother is 13. He likes a girl. They’re apparently dating.

Literally.

WTF?! I mean, I thought it’d happen eventually when he was, like, 16 or something!

I mean he still doesn’t even know how to brush his teeth properly! Or cut his own nails or anything like that!

Isn’t he too young for a relationship?!?!

Is it just my aceness?!?!

Im absolutely freaking out. I’m the oldest! His ‘parents’ definitely will not give him the TALK properly, and he definitely won’t get it at his nun school. Shit. It falls to me as his older sibling to set that straight and make shit clear to him!

This is so fucking awkward and depressing. He’s 13, can’t brush his teeth and is dating. I’m 21, an ace that wants a relationship, and who no one (to my knowledge) has ever felt any attraction for in all my 21 years of life.

I.. I don’t even know how to feel. I think he’s too young, and it worries me, because I remember being a teen, feeling the pressure to date and shit, and I also remember half my classmates losing their v-card at 14. So. I think I have reasons to be worried. Specially with all his unresolved trauma and his inability to communicate his feelings healthily. Teen or not, I think he’s not in a place to date. Does he even like her or does he just think he likes her?

Am I just projecting??? I worry he’ll fall into societal pressures and make the same mistakes I did, like confusing friendship for romance and dating a friend…

I’m worried, also kinda having an existential crisis over the fact my brother is a teen and can(?)/is dating now, AND AND to top it off now I just feel like shit for being ace. Again. Lonely.

I can’t even see him as a teen. His mind and heart are still very childish. All his behaviors are still the one’s of a 10yo child. I’m just having trouble picturing him as a teen who can like girls now.

:( he’s growing up too fast. And I think a part of me fears he’ll eventually leave me behind too. He’ll get a stable girlfriend and marry and have the picket fence life. While I remain alone and isolated by the gap between our paths. I fear he’ll grow up and realize I’m different, and hate me for it. I see his older face in my mind, a confused frown twisting it. The dislike in his eyes as I try to explain that I just can’t feel like everyone else does. His dislike and confusion as he turns away from me.

I’m 25 and I’m ace and I don’t think I’m broken and I’m not compromising for anyone. I’ve never really cared about dating until now, but I genuinely want to. And I’ve downloaded two apps where you can choose you’re ace but it doesn’t stop recommendations or messages of people decidedly not. And I can wade through them, but… do you care so little about personality you don’t even view my profile beyond the picture?

I want a relationship and love and someone to hang out with, but it’s like- 99% of the population wants sex and then you take the 1% that might be near me and then might be compatible with me and -

The math freaking sucks and it’s not fair.

Even if I wanted to date someone halfway across the world, I don’t even know how I’d find someone ace that way either.

I’ve been dating online for 1+ year and not ONE person understands that "I’m not really into sex" and "yes that also means I don’t wanna suck you off" and "no thanks I don’t want you to jerk me off either" like how is that concept SO COMPLICATED ???

LIKE I DONT EVEN KNOW YOUR FAV COLOUR AND YOU WANNA GET IN MY PANTS???