THE FINAL STRETCH - TIMES SO FAST
βGo! Baby, itβs okay, keep walking! Itβs okay!β Xiaojunβs mother screeched a final time.
Slowly, Lucas was able to guide Xiaojun away and led him back. Xiaojun kept looking back over his shoulder until the distance and the halftrack gradually hid her from view. It wasnβt just him shaken up, everyone had to shake off that terrible feeling in their hearts at Xiaojunβs desperation. They all missed their families. Xiaojun fought hard to reach his mother but he was just too weak to do anything other than discard the almost neverending batch of tears beside Lucas.
Sicheng hopped back onto the cooler and tucked his gun aside. Face cold as ever and unreadable. The track drives along past Johnny, who doesnβt waste a second to unleash a stream of furious insults with an equally distressed Jaehyun. Of course Sicheng never responded, sitting stiffly like he was used to it by now.
Xiaojun was falling apart just a few steps away. Waves upon waves of regret seeped from his pores after every uneven breath he poured out between every broken sob. Lucas desperately tugged him back every time to stop him from getting another look at the woman.
βLucas, you were right! I did what my dad did!,β Xiaojun said, his words tumbling out like he was trying to wrap his mind around it. βLucas, I have made such a massive mistake, I should have stayed in the fucking car! Iβm such a dumbass! I should have just gone home!β Regrets after regret spilled out of him.
Before he could take more than a step back, Lucas caught him by the shoulder and held him firmly in a painful grip to keep him moving straight.
βJust donβt do this in front of her!β He pleaded, struggling for only a moment with the ranting Xiaojun before he cut him off and tugs down his shirt collar. βDo you still want to know how I got this scar, huh?β Lucas shrieks. Xiaojun took a slow breath and stopped resisting in his hold. His crying quieted.
βYouβve only been walking for five days, Xiaojun, five days! Iβve been walking for all my fucking life.β Lucas said.
βNo.β Lucas denied. Xiaojun goes deathly quiet and shrugs his fallen backstrap off in one sloppy motion. He looked completely ruined. Lucas glanced over and tried to keep looking, but with zero success he decided to just talk instead.
βMy parents both died in the big war when I wasβ¦ When I was little.β He revealed. βAnd you know the damnedest thing? I donβt remember a single thing about βem.β Lucas waited until Xiaojun was looking him in the eye to continue.
βMy drunk uncle took me in.β Lucas says, βHe beat the shit outta me, and died in a pool of his own puke when I was ten. After thatβ¦β Lucas dropped his wary look once he noticed Xiaojun beginning to get engaged.
βI met kids sorta like me.β Lucas said, adding quickly. βNo parents. Or parents who didnβt give a fuck.β
βYeah?β Xiaojun encouraged, speaking for once in a way a child would after being told a truth that's been sugarcoated for the longest time.
βI lived onβ¦β Lucas says. βCouches and in basements. I slept in fields and ditches. It took years before I was finally caught by the state. But nothing was as bad as how I was living.β
Xiaojun looked down to the road, a little alarmed.
βPicking fights,β Lucas would continue. βStealing shit. Picking more fights. Until, one day, I picked a fight with the wrong guy.β
βA guy who knew his way around a hunting knife.β Lucasβs breath hitched like he wanted to stop talking but he was already in too deep. βHe cut me, Xiaojun. He cut me fucking good.β He brought his hands up to further drag his shirt's color down below his nipple. Lucas doesnβt look at him when he asks, βYou see this, Xiaojun? Have a look at that, you see that?β
βJesus, Lucas.β Xiaojun said, grimacing at the sight of the ugly scar. A disgusting, thick attempt at decapitation was apparent.
βYou see it?β Lucas asked again.
βYeah. I do.β Xiaojun re-affirmed, head turned away. Lucas sniffled and pulled his shirt back up when he realized the man didn't want to see it anymore. He wouldnβt want to either.
βHe left me for dead. I woke up in the hospital, and you know what?β Lucas asked. There, even after the grave story, all the sadness, he had a faint smile on his lips. βI wasnβt even upset,β Lucas says, βbecause it wasnβt his fault. It was mine.β He said, jabbing a firm finger to his chest and to the floor. βYou know, so at that moment, I said Iβll choose to find sunlight in all this fucking darkness.β
Lucasβs dog tag swung like a pendulum along his neck when he spread his arms out wide. Xiaojun could almost laugh at it if he wasnβt trying so hard as to not cry.
ββCause what's the point of a second chance if not?β
βYou do find the light, Lucas. You do.β Xiaojun said, and pointed to himself, shaking his head which forced his next words to slur. βI donβt have that in me, though. I would have been fucking dead if it wasnβt for you.β
Lucas waved a hand for him to shut up. βYou think this shit is easy?β Lucas said and shook his head no. βHuh? No, Xiaojun, itβs fucking hard! I try fucking hard!β
In Xiaojunβs eyes, Lucas could tell how desperately he wanted to say something. He waited for him but he didnβt say a word. Lucas spoke more quietly now.
βI donβt have much to lose, but I have everything to gain and that's why Iβm here. I want that prize so I can do something good. Maybe help some children whoβ¦β He hesitates. βWho are like me.β
The clouds pulled back above to reveal the dull sky and the sky up ahead. Thatβs something to be grateful for, living to see another day. Lucas frowned. βBut you know what I couldβve used, Xiaojun?β
Xiaojun knew what he meant, immediately turning to his head to face him. Something sparked in his heart and it wasnβt a helpless type of bloom it was something else, resolution. He felt it to the very bones in his feet every time he looked at Lucas.
Lucas pointed at him. βXiaojun, listen to me. If you make this, ifβ¦β He says with a sternness in his tone that was almost threatening. βI suggest you choose love. I suggest you take that prize, and go home to your mom. Because, Xiaojun -β Lucas repeated himself louder to get Xiaojun to look at him. βXiaojun, your a good fucking guyβ¦β
β...Thanks, Lucasβ¦β
β β¦and you deserve it.β
Hollowness still reserved itself the void of Xiaojun's mind. Days worth of energy he would never get back.
βHey, listen. Iβve been thinking,β Jeno begins. βWe all got to get together on something.β
Lucas tossed a curious glance over. βLike?β
βWe all gotta make an agreement that from here on out, no help for anyone.β Jeno explains, looking over all their blank expressions. βYou either do it on your own, or you donβt do it.β He finished.
βThe fuckβs that supposed to mean, Jeno, huh?β Lucas said, the anger in his voice barely contained. He demands again after Jenoβs silence. βI said, what the fuckβs that supposed to mean?β
βNo, Lucas.β Xiaojun began. βI- I think he might be right.β
Lucas changes his focus from Jeno onto him, face strangely expressionless. But there's still hurt in his eyes at what Xiaojun says next.
βYou canβt keep saving me.β
Jisung returned from reality. Heβd pinched his nostrils so hard together it put him in a daze of sorts, but he heard everything. He tosses Xiaojun a look.
βWhat about the musketeers?β Jisung wondered, worried. Jenoβs gruff voice came out, cutting off the younger man before he could continue.
βFuck your musketeers. Itβs better for all of us, and you know it.β He coughs. The others remained silent. Jisungβs eyes switched back down to his hand. He brought it up to his nose and swiped the droplet of blood that tickled his cupid's bow. βMy noseβ¦β He tried to start. Jeno coughed even harder.
βAinβt nobody give a shit about your nosebleed, Park.β Jeno says, βWe all got our issues, if you couldnβt tell.β
Jisung swallowed the iron taste in his throat and shot an offended glare to the side of Jenoβs head. βWhat did you just say?β
"Oh, shut upβ Jeno finalized and moved on to shout towards the two figures ahead. β.Jung?... Suh?" Jeno coughs heavily and tries again. "Johnny, and Jaehyun, are you in?"
It was clear both men could hear Jeno calling their names just behind them, but they didn't turn. Too busy talking amongst each other and at a particular soldier.
Everyone could see it, Sicheng was narrowing his eyes so hard at the two men standing so close to the halftrack that it was almost comical. He was leaning over every time Jaehyun or Johnny said something he didn't catch and that just further made the two men more frustrated.
"You ready?" Jaehyun's question had been aimed at Sicheng, but loud enough for everyone to hear.
"WARNING: FIRST WARNING, EIGHTEEN. JUNG JAEHYUN"
"WARNING: FIRST WARNING, TWENTY FOUR. JOHNNY SUH"
Before Sicheng could react to the comment. Jaehyun seized him by the hair and hauled him off the cooler, sending him sprawling onto the pavement. The impact knocked the wind out of him.
"Oh!.. Oh!" Jisung and Xiaojun repeated back and forth at that.
Sicheng tried to put his training to use and scramble upright, but Jaehyun was already on him, kicking him hard enough in the jaw to keep him from getting back to his feet.
The rifle slipped from his shoulder and clattered across the road.
Johnny lunged for it, scooping it up before anyone else could react. Jaehyun hauled Sicheng by the arms and sent him over.
Johnny doesn't waste a second unloading a few hefty bullets into the soldiers head, turning it into fleshy mush that coats the concrete.
Johnny was waiting for this one, that demon Dong Sicheng. How heβd needlessly let the warnings fly while Chenle bled out on the ground in agony. How heβd put a bullet in Doyoung's head and then hopped back into his seat in the truck and probably thought about what heβd have for dinner that night, like none of these men weren't human. It was all clear after Yangyang's passing. None of them mattered.
In one foul burst, Jaehyun's right eye comes flying out its socket and hits Johnny's chest like a paint pellet. Another soldier hops off the halftrack. Jaehyun's body holds its balance for a minute until he collapses before Johnny's boots.
Johnny turned to watch the others scatter away from the collision and move up ahead, retching or covering their ears so as to not hear it.
Johnny jittered with the carbine in his hands and shouted, "Guys, fight back!" but no sooner had the words left his mouth did a bullet rip through his abdomen. Johnny hit the ground hard. Pain exploded through his body as he folded over, pressing his forehead against the hard road. When he finally raises his head, the image of Jaehyun's corpse burns into his mind.
His arms ached, and his leg felt so tight it's almost unbearable. He retrieved the carbine that'd fallen beside Jaehyun and sat up straight, looking the next soldier in the eye as he did so. He wouldnβt give these sick fucks the satisfaction of killing him like they did the rest.
Johnny lifted the barrel up to his chin
The road curved sideways, Xiaojun's eyes blew open as they hit the turn. The halftrack caught up fast with them after falling so far behind. Johnny and Jaehyun can be seen through it's glossy reflection.
Jisungβs back was visible as well. He was staring too hard at the bodies. Xiaojun glances over, eyes trailing down to his backpack. He held it behind him by its loose straps, his arm stretched out at an odd angle and it sagged lower as if he were about to drop it.
"Jisung, donβt turn around. Just keep walking. You okay?" Xiaojun called, watching him struggle. He reaches over and turns him around.
"My n- noseβ¦ Itβs bleeding." Jisung replied and sadly smeared the blood across his cheek trying to wipe it away.
"I know..." Xiaojun gently rubbed his shoulder, and interlocked their arms after. "It's okay, Jisung.β
The questionβs weighed on Xiaojunβs mind for the longest since the start of today. It was just a look away. He just had to lift his hand to check it, but his body told him not to, stomach lurching at something he canβt put a pin on.
The air had grown cooler, and the sounds of birds were beginning to fade with the daylight. Tall pines stretched high above, covering the unseen miles up ahead. The forestry was actually okay.
Xiaojun was sick of being outside. Lucas had a permanent frown stuck onto him. Theyβd both been beside each other. And without warning -
βHey. hey, my nose.β Jisung announced. βMy nose wonβt stop bleeding.β He crashed and stumbled between them so abruptly that both men instinctively reacted. Lucas and Xiaojun grabbed onto either of his arms and built a momentum that carried all three of them forward before they managed to steady him.
Jisung sJisung truggled to catch his breath, his legs threatening to buckle beneath him.
"It ain't that bad, though. Is it?" Jisung faces Xiaojun to ask. A striking stream of crimson dripped past his glossy lips, there were dry bits of boogers and blood cakes at the corner of his mouth and down to even his chin. He stopped trying to wipe it long ago judging by his drenched sleeves.
βNo, no.. Itβs not that bad.β Xiaojun lied.
βNo?β Jisung couldnβt even raise a hand to catch the spray of blood that slapped the asphalt.
βItβs an internal hemorrhage. Pretty common.β Jeno revealed, standing close behind Xiaojun, who blew out a shaky breath. βJeno, please.β Xiaojun tossed back. The sick man hugged his stomach and quieted down like he understood, looming at his side now.
Jisung tried his best to lift his head and look ahead in his hunched state. Xiaojun put more effort into holding him.
βMy grandma..β Jisung begins, almost in a daze. β...used to put ice on my nose..β
βUh-huh.β Xiaojun hummed, heart hammering in his chest. He could feel the muscles in Jisungβs arm straining around Xiaojunβs till it hurt.
β...everytime I get a nosebleed.β He heard Jisung struggle. βI wish I had some ice to put on.β
βYeah..β Xiaojun responds, voice hoarse. He shared a hushed look with Lucas over Jisungβs shoulder. They know exactly where this was leading.
βLetβs get you some ice.β Xiaojun said. βJust keep walking.β It came out like a plea, one Jisung didnβt react to like he usually would. For a second even, he looked normal, sounded normal.
βIβm gonna die now, guys.β Jisung said.
Lucas became urgent. βNo. Just keep walking a little longer, okay?β
βNo, no. I canβt.β Jisung shook his head. βI canβt.β
βPlease.β Xiaojun tries again.
βNo. I canβt, Xiaojunβ Jisung whines and apologizes. βIβm sorry. Iβm going home.β A grimace replaced Lucasβs expression like heβd just been slapped. No amount of convincing was going to get through to Jisung.
βDonβt apologize, Jisung.β Lucas said, His hand dropped from his shoulder to clench around his waist. Jisungβs blinking rapidly and it seems heβs searching Lucasβs face for truth. β...huh?β
βKeep your head up, Jisung. You gave this your all.β Lucas said, hating the silence that came after.
βI did?β Jisung asked, eyes going wider than before, like it fully woke him up. The small voice in Jisungβs mind came,
βI did.β He fought back the burning sensation in his head, then forced a smile. But his eyes stay distant, fixed somewhere beyond the treeline, unfocused and tired.
βLike fuck, you did.β Lucas complimented.
Jisung agrees through his deep chuckles. βI did.β
βAnd you know what, Jisung?β Lucas adds. βEven made some friends.β Jisung seems to consider this, nodding his head harder after every word and his smile only seems to get bigger.
βYeah, Jisung,β Lucas says. βthatβs goddamn right.β
βHey, Jisung.β Xiaojun starts, βYouβve been hell of a fucking friend.β
Xiaojunβs feelings were conflicting. His arm was still around him, he just needed to keep him going, that was all. No need to be distraught.
Jisung slowly turned toward Xiaojun after he broke the silence. For a long moment, Jisung didn't answer. He simply looked at him. His forced smile faded, replaced by a distant, aching look.
Xiaojun held his gaze, waiting.
Finally, Jisung spoke, his voice quiet.
"Can you... can you guys do something for me?"
Xiaojun and Lucas gave a small nod.
"Absolutely." Xiaojun said.
βAnything.β Lucas adds.
Jisungβs hands crept up for his neck, working on tugging the small rosary chain off. He gets it, pooling the chain into his palm with care. Xiaojun had his hand out already.
βCould you give this to my grandma, if you make it?β Jisung requested and passed it over. Xiaojun nodded earnestly.
βOf courseβ¦β He says, βOf course, Jisung.β
βPromise me another thingβ¦β
Xiaojun hesitates. β..What?β Lucas doesnβt look too sure either. They felt Jisung jerk slightly when he switched his head to look back and forth between them.
βDonβt watch them do it. Promise me, Xiaojun!β
βI promiseβ¦ I promise!β Lucas replied firmly, even holding him tighter. Only then did Jisung slowly release his grip around them.
βThanks.β Jisung gulped. Despite the conversation, both of them refused to let him go but Jisung tugged, and tugged, and tugged. βIβm going home.β His voice cracked. And tugged one hard time, until eventually, heβs out of their grasps. The others continued up ahead, the warmth of Jisung lost between the two of them.
βWARNING, FIRST WARNING, THREE. PARK JISUNGβ
He drifted further behind them, bag discarded behind him as he swayed his way closer to the approaching halftrack before collapsing onto the ground. Headlights turned on, pointed right at him until it stopped. Engine rumbling the road and bringing a pleasantly tingly sensation to his legs.
βWARNING, SECOND WARNING, THREE. PARK JISUNGβ
Jisung sprawled himself out, body suddenly filled with energy. He shut his eyes despite the uneven road digging into his head. When he flutters his eyes open there's a soldier standing above him, the barrel so large at this angle it covers his face. Jisung avoids looking for too long to watch the stars that revealed themselves in the darkening horizon. It was so pretty. Could he see the planets if he squints into it hard enough?
The Sun, Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune.
He thinks heβll start there.
Jeno caught a glimpse back at the man sprawled out, his sickening face draining of its color. Xiaojun found himself closing the gap and holding onto the tense Lucas for comfort.
βDo you know what I want more than anything?β Lucas asked him.
Xiaojun sniffled. βWhat, Lucas?β
βWARNING, FINAL WARNING, THREE. PARK JISUNGβ
βA korean beef stew.β Lucas began to cry despite how hard he tried to hold back. Jenoβs cough was hardly enough to cover up the loud-
Xiaojun flinched hard. They might as well have shot him through the chest as well. He unballed his fist, looking down into his palm. He was still too disorientated to formulate a plan on what to explain to Jisungβs grandmother but he had that grave feeling she already watched the misfortune.
Misfortunate was all this was.
Xiaojun unraveled the chain apart and let it drape around his neck, its metal clanks against the dog chain like a reminder he was still alive.
Night drew faster than expected. Xiaojun stared at Lucas's feet, padding alongside his on the freshly planted concrete of the fenced off overpass. The street lights illuminating streets just out of reach below them. Another pair of feet moved beside him as well. Jeno. They had lined up ever since Jisung got ticketed, tumbling to the ground, his head exploding into the road as the sound of the gunshot that killed him rings in their minds on repeat.
Jeno could no longer act like any of this had no effect on him. He cried hard for Jisung the rest of the way. Xiaojun heard it all in his ears past the weak coughs
βYOUβRE IN THE HOMESTRETCH, BOYS!β Major Eric was overly enthusiastic in his motion to grab the halftrack chase rack. βFOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE, THERE'S GOING TO BE A WHEAT AND THERE'S GOING TO BE A CHAFF. YOU CHOOSE, BOYS. REMEMBER, YOU CHOOSE.β
Xiaojun looked up at him trying to listen but all he could imagine was putting a bullet in his head. βOh, shut the fuck up. Holy shit!β Xiaojun grits his teeth, tossing his head back after to heave a dramatic sigh. βSuck a dick, will you? Eric, come on, I mean, you fucking lotus-eater. You old sack of shit. Just shut up!β
βTHATβS THE SPIRIT, BOY!β Eric said back with glee and authority.
Xiaojun rolled his eyes, βOh my Godβ¦β
Eric smirked down at them. βTHATS SOME KILLER FUCKINβ INSTINCT. TAKE NO PRISONERS. FLEX THAT SAC AND GO GET THAT PRIZE.β He finished, however he realized that he was merely humoring Xiaojun and Lucas as well.
βWARNING: FIRST WARNING, EIGHT. XIAO DEJUNβ
βWARNING: FIRST WARNING, TWENTY THREE. WONG LUCASβ
βWARNING: SECOND WARNING, SEVEN. LEE JENOβ
Lucas and Xiaojun came down from their delirious fit of laughter after the warnings. Jeno had no clue why he received one, but he refused to even ask, coughing instead. Ericβs truck slowed down to let them by.
"What would happen, uhm, what would happen if we slowed at the exact same time, huh?" Lucas asked.
The question almost takes Jeno by surprise, and he lolls his head to the side to look at Xiaojun. "There's no way any three humans could measure exactness like these instruments. They have it down to a science. Increments," he tells him.
Xiaojun clicked his tongue. "How the fuck do you know so much about the Long Walk, anyway?"
Jeno startles. He'd nearly forgotten that Xiaojun was stumbling along between them until he'd spoken up. He takes a hard long second to consider his response, clutching his snotty handkerchief as it awaited his next cough or sniffle but even he knows he's too weak to let one out now. Jeno finally answered with the smartest thought that comes to mind.
"It's all on record. You ever read a book? It ain't too hard."
Lucas scoffs, glaring at him from across Xiaojunβs hunched shoulders, "Come on. Come on. No, come on! Come on, man."
Jeno looks away from him, shoulders hunching down. He couldn't even hide himself away even if he wanted to.
"It's almost over. Say something real," Lucas begs.
The sickness and the shame brought a dread that heats his already red face. "I'm the rabbit."
Xiaojun looked over, confused. βWhat?β He asked slowly.
βIβm the fucking rabbit.β Jeno repeated through his clenched jaw. He could feel both their eyes on him. βYouβve seen them.β Jeno said. βThose little gray mechanical rabbits that the greyhounds chase at the dog races. βCause no matter how fast the dogs run, they never can quite catch up to the rabbit, because the rabbit isnβt flesh and bloodβ¦ Maybe youβre right, Dejun.β His face stretched into an awful frown. Xiaojun takes a glance over just as the man looks away to keep talking. βMaybe we should stop being rabbits and pigs, and goats and sheep andβ¦β Jenoβs swollen eyes reflected back the orange overhead lights, shaking his head, his voice coming out unusually high and foreign to himself.
βA- and just be people.β Jeno gets out, snot running down his nose. βReal peopleβ¦ who bleed.β
Lucas hummed along just to hear more.
"You wanna know how I know so much about the Long Walk?" Jeno asked. "The Major's my father... I'm his bastard. I didn't think he knew I was his sonβ¦" He glances up, searching the Major's face as he rides coolly ahead of the trio, and finds nothing. "That's where I made my mistake. He's got dozens of us." Jeno sounds hurt, glancing over to Xiaojun and Lucas. "For my wish, I was gonna ask to be taken into my father's home. To be invited for tea." A soft sob escapes him before he can choke it back. "But I guess this rabbit is flesh and blood. And this flesh and blood is failing me now." He admits, rubbing his stomach and wincing. "I can feel my liver going, my lungs filling with fluid. And I'd like to end this shit with my head held high, instead of crawling on my belly, like a... Like a reptile choking on my own mucus." He spat.
Jeno had 5 long torturous days and nights to realize he meant nothing. He would never be nothing to Eric, like everyone else, and all his other sons who'd failed to get the task done, never be spoken of again.
ββLucas, Xiaojunβ¦ Do you think itβll rain tonight?β
Xiaojun peeled his eyes from Jeno to examine the sky. Finally he answers. βI donβt know, but it looks that way.β
Jeno offered him a weak smile. βI always loved the rainβ¦β
βSorryβ¦β Lucas leaned over to look at him seriously. βTrully, Iβm sorry, Jeno.β
Jeno shrugged it off and moved on. βThere's gonna be crowds.β He begins. Involuntarily, Xiaojun snaked his warm hand up Jenoβs arm and held his shoulder. His gut feeling told him to do it. Jeno reciprocates by holding onto him as well.
βThey allow them when there's two.β Jeno continues. βThe real diehards. The ones who will walk with you. The ones that wanna see the Major do the final kill. Just keep walkin', okay?β
The look in his eyes was enough to tell Xiaojun it was over. Jeno could see it on his face and appreciate the concern. His eyes slowly unfocus off Xiaojun till he could see Lucas as well.
βIβm glad itβs you two.β Jeno says.
βIt was nice walking with you, Jeno.β Xiaojun bids a final time.
βIt was an honor. Good luck.β
βWARNING: FIRST WARNING, SEVEN. LEE JENOβ
Jenoβs pretty eyes had crinkled up with his smile and he stopped walking all together. The relief in his expression was immediate, the tingling in his legs was almost orgasmic but that all fell out the window as soon as he turned in search of Eric, perched above his half-track.
βDo me.β Jeno demanded at the cold wrinkly yet unmoving face. Anger resides somewhere behind that disappointed look, and Jeno loved every fucking second of it.
βWARNING: FINAL WARNING, SEVEN. LEE JENOβ
βEnough warnings!β Jeno growled out, exhausted and frustrated. βI said fucking shoot me, Dad!β he demanded a final time.
Eric gazed up to the dark sky past the beams of the overpass. Tsk tsk tsk, his tongue clicked in his mouth. Theyβre way beyond time on killing this boy. His hand tugs the M18 from the holster and he finally looks down to acknowledge his bastard son, Jeno, one final time-
Xiaojun no longer had the strength to quiver. Eric, so heartless. There's a pit in the deepest part of Hell waiting for him. β50 percent chance now, Lucas.β Xiaojun muttered.
Thunder roared against the dark sky and rain showered over their bodies. They didnβt cry. The train passed in the next town over. It was far but they could hear it. Xiaojun hugged himself. βLucas, can I tell you something?β
βWhen I was a kid, right, I never really thought about death. You know, I donβt think most kids do until youβre confronted by it. But once I was, I was scared shitless. I was so afraid of it. But thereβs something about being with these boys. I donβt know, it reminded me that the only guarantee you have as a human being is that you are going to die. And if youβre lucky you get to choose how to spend those last moments.β Xiaojun gulps, blinking the thick droplets out his eyelashes. βAnd, youβre right, Lucas, this moment matters. Every moment matters. Especially at the end. And I donβt know why that calms meβ¦ But Iβm not afraid anymore.β
βEIGHT, TWENTY THREE, EIGHT, TWENTY THREE! -β
The crowd grew larger and larger. 5th avenue, the most luxurious buildings that either of them had laid their eyes on. Xiaojunβs mouth was parted from the exhaustion and awe. Heβd only ever seen this place on the television. Officers howled out demands for the crowd to spread out. Umbrellas ranged in size and colors that Xiaojun couldnβt describe. All sorts of patterns. Raincoats and hats that are so luxurious and made from the finest of animal furs.
This was winningβ¦ The money. All of itβ¦
Xiaojun felt the stare piercing into the side of his face. Part of him was desperate for Lucas to say anything, do anything but look at him. He was the only one who made this bearable.
Say something, the voice in his head bugged him, please, Lucas. Dry air clawed down his throat. He couldnβt smell anything else beside the earthy rain and the overwhelmingly expensive perfumes wafting from the many observers. Xiaojun gazed away from Lucas. Life is a beautiful thing when you take advantage of it. But he still felt so hollow, beyond saving. One decision remained on Xiaojunβs mind.
He doesnβt deserve another painful moment of being on this earth.
βWARNING: SECOND WARNING, TWENTY THREE. WONG LUCASβ
βW- what?β Xiaojun whirled around and paused entirely.
βWARNING: SECOND WARNING, EIGHT. XIAO DEJUNβ
Lucas stared him down, still as a mannequin before the crowd behind him. βYouβre gonna win this, Xiaojun.β He said, dropping to his knee. He was yielding. Lucas was yielding. Panic filled every corner of Xiaojunβs body.
βNo, no, no.β He shook his head and limped over to pick him up.
βNo.β Lucas denied, the hands still pried past his armpits to lift him up. βGet off me, Dejun. This is for your mom.β
βWARNING: FINAL WARNING, TWENTY THREE. WONG LUCASβ
βWARNING, FINAL WARNING, EIGHT. XIAO DEJUNβ
βXiaojun, go win! Please!β Lucas held back his tears, struggling to read Xiaojunβs expression through the rain.
βKeep walking with me, Lucas.β He can hear him say. His hand squeezed his shoulder.
He barely noticed the hands slipping off him. Lucasβs toes burned in his shoes, holes opening up in patches below which gave an invite for any sort of debris or nails. The rain soaks grossly into his sock when he stepped onto an unseen pot hole filled with the rain and dirt concoction. He laughed through it though. βGod damn it, Xiaojun. You are one convincing, motherfucker.β Lucas said. The crowds covered up under their umbrellas erupted into cheer and Lucas didnβt know why until he heard the shots.
Xiaojun sharply groaned and caught himself, two bullets lodged so far into his lower back and mixing around with the chipped bits of whatever just broke off his spinal cord. It hurt so much that he didnβt feel a second of it after.
"Xiaojun, what did you do?!" Lucas broke down, he slid on the wet pavement, tumbling towards him to hoist him up but his efforts proved useless. Xiaojun just couldnβt walk anymore. He stopped crying but his lungs felt heavy, getting even an ounce of air was too much effort. They both slipped and hit the floor together. Lucas clenched his teeth hard screaming right in his eardrum. βDonβt do this to me!β he begged. βDejun, pleaseβ¦β
"I canβt see it, I canβt see the light but you canβ¦β Xiaojun cried. βand that's why I love you Lucasβ¦I love you.β
βXiaojun!β Lucas looked onward into the crowd silently pleading. He begged around for anyone to help him.
He was so weak and dizzy from the exhaustion of The Walk. His feet had become so painstakingly numb that he couldnβt even feel the rain, sweat, dirt, blood, and probably piss seeping into the open wounds that adorned his heels and pads of his feet. The crowd begins to blur and spin around him, the overwhelming light from the fireworks overhead illuminated only certain features of the crowd, mainly the smiles.
Those teeth. So happy and applauding at Xiaojunβ¦
"See, I told you twenty three would win! You owe me 200 bucks!- "
"Put him down, this is lame!"
Xiaojun.... who was doubled over on the ground still reaching out for Lucas.
Cutting off his shouts, Eric stepped out of one of the several half-tracks the lined the street, like a king descending from his throne. He made his way to Xiaojun in his stupid black raincoat. His boots squelched grossly. Lucas was seized by his arms and tugged away like a rabid dog. βFUCKING LET ME GO! XIAOJUN, NO, NO, NO!β
The Major spoke, stoic teetering on almost cheerfully. βLuck to you, Mr. Dejun. May god reward your bravery."
The Major cocked his gun, and pointed, resting his aim on Xiaojunβs forehead.
Xiaojun closed his eyes. He remembered the beauty of The Walk and its greenery, the other boys, Jisung, Chenle, Jeno, the Musketeers, remembering Lucas on all those endless nights he had held him up to continue another βmomentβ on another day.
Xiaojun let out his final blissful sigh.
The blood that spilled from the gaping hole between Xiaojunβs eyebrows was a horrifying sight indeed.
βNO!β Lucas sobbed, and he dropped back onto the ground, soldiers stomping away. What was there to hold him back from anymore? It felt like all of Lucasβs senses had stopped working. Firecrackers burst around him while he wallowed on the ground and tugged on his black hair crying for Xiaojun, knowing he wouldnβt get up.
βOh my God, Xiaojunβ¦ Why!?β
His eyes were closed, the eternal sleep, but he didnβt deserve this. Lucas should have been the one, Xiaojun was ambitious and had so much to live for, unlike himself. He worked so hard just to be put down like a horse, like a weed in a garden.
He meant nothing at all to the cruel, cruel hearts of the people, this nation, the Major.
The Major. Eric. He was talking. None of it was of importance, every dreadful second just standing on this street a rage inside Lucas bubbled until he could do no more but let it out.
Such a strong emotion. A gross one at that, the one he scolded Xiaojun about so many times just to feel it himself in the end.
Major Eric circled around Xiaojunβs corpse, cheering out to the surrounding crowd to amp them up. They sing their carols and showered Lucas with praise but he doesnβt hear a second of it.
βCongratulations, Mr. Wong!β Eric announced and stepped over the body to reach Lucas. βThe cash prize is yours. So, tell me, sonβ¦ Whatβs your wish?β
Ericβs head bobbed robotically, no emotion behind his thick shades. βYouβll have one.β In one swift motion of the hand, Lucas points back to a soldier close by. βNo.β Lucas replies, βI want that carbine. To give to my kids one day.β
βSir?β The soldier made a face to Eric, who responded just as fast.
βGive him his wish.β He said, confidently crossing his arms. βHe wonβt shoot anyone, boys. Heβs won too much. And remember, this one wants to make the world a better place, ainβt that right, Son?β
Lucas took the gun despite the obvious taunt towards him. His other hand tapped the bottom of it before heβs arranging the barrel towards Eric.
βHOLD YOUR FIRE, BOYS!β Eric called out to calm the observers. The reaction was priceless however, there wasnβt an ounce of color left in his wrinkly cheeks, and his lips began to smack, hands flying up in surrender.
βIβll fucking shoot.β Lucas threatened coldly. There was panic now, it caused Eric to stumble on his words. βT- thatβs alright, son. No harm done. Not yet. P- put the gun down.β
Lucas felt not an ounce of guilt hearing him screw up his wording. He deserved to be scared in his last moments like the rest of them were. But something inside Lucas wanted him to stop, screaming at him to put the gun down, that this was a life changing decision, a mistake.
Eric continued talking but it was all mush to his ears. His finger tapped gently to the trigger watching the old manβs chest heave behind his coat.
The crowd watched in tense silence, waiting to see what would happen.
For a long moment, fear held him frozen. The weight of the gun felt heavier than he had imagined, and his hands shook so badly he wondered if he could even keep it raised a small sob breaking out past his quivering lips.
"This is for Xiaojun...."
A single shot echoed through the street.
When the ringing faded, the major lay motionless on the pavement.
The crowd that had surrounded them moments before was gone. The fireworks were gone. Whether they had fled in panic or disappeared into the nearby streets, he couldn't tell.
He dropped the carbine uselessly at his side as he stared at the empty road up ahead. Xiaojun probably imagined this moment countless times.
Instead, there was only emptiness. No relief. No victory. Just a lonely street, the fading echo of a choice that could never be undone. This wasnβt the peace he wanted.
After a long while of staring at Eric's corpse, he turned away, and continued his way down the road.
β¦Thereβs still so much more walking left to do.
BTW Lucas got shot and died aswell. That was the after life.
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