I used to be very interested in the alters and wanted to know all about them. I even used to write prose of their inner world lives.

When Myde and Matt fused (the two I wrote the most about) that interest lessened. I still wrote a bit about Ed and Riley when the focus had shifted from Matt and Myde, but when at 18 Myde fused, I think my interest really just left.

I wonder if this was my brain's way of trying to distance me from the system. Knowing about the system so young (13) caused so so so many problems for me and I wonder if my brain was (quite belatedly) trying to remedy this.

I would tell my brother (the person I socialise with the most) except he has a big misunderstanding about dissociation so using that word would be entirely unhelpful (actually the misunderstanding is that dissociation=DID which whilst being true for us, is not the infomation we want to convey). So I think we won't be telling him about that sort of thing (although I do think we would mention the amnesia around trauma at some point)

The postbox for Michael's character was full (Pete the pelican postman told my character) so I logged in as Michael and immediately dissociated. For half a minute it felt like Michael was around. Fully actually Michael. But it felt like he was being pulled out or pulled away as if he had kinda fused but this was pulling him out of that. Or out of dormancy. Or something

And then bam out of nowhere, Jake fronts.

I think that Michael may have fused a lot into Jake (I had already thought that but this weird experience definitely makes me wonder even more)