(blushes like a smut)

At Scarleteen we’re focused on making pleasure accessible for all, especially for queer folks who are tired of either getting zero sex ed info, or getting info that assumes everyone’s straight, cis, and/or having one very specific kind of sex. Our work also centers community voices, not outsiders telling people what to do.

A lot of sex ed out there skips over queer pleasure and queer dynamics, and dodges the real questions folks have like, how to navigate dysphoria, or thinking about how to have safer sex in ways that go beyond “use condoms.” All of our sex ed is written with queer people in mind, but some of our articles and advice columns dive more deeply into concerns our LGBTQIA+ visitors ask us about—although they’re out here for everyone to read, whether questioning, supporting a partner or friend, or just curious to learn more.

We’ve got everything from the practical basics on safer sex to how to enrich your relationship with your partners. We talk about all the stuff that makes sex mutually enjoyable and pleasurable, like checking in with your partner during, welcoming in varied experiences, and experimenting to find what feels right for you during partnered and solo sex. Scarleteen also covers topics like exploring polyamory or sexual pleasure for QTBIPOC youth, written by and for members of these communities. Here’s seven of our favorites just for you:

T4T sex and feeling euphoric (Advice column)

How Can I Enjoy Sex as an Intersex Person?

Figuring Out How to be a Lesbian Safer Sexpert

Finding Joy in Our Bodies and Bonds: A Guide to Sexual and Relational Pleasure for QTBIPOC Youth

Let's Get Metaphysical: The Etiquette of Entry

A First Polyamory Guide (Series)

When we talk about kink, a lot of the time people treat safe words as if they are exclusively an expression of an absolute limit. A firm proclamation that the scene is too rough, the pain too much, the situation too extreme, and that the entire thing needs to stop. Safeword use in such situations is obviously essential and mandatory in order to bring the scene or sensation to an end and ensure the safety of all participants. This is not, however, the only time a safeword should be used.

They can be used to express when someone is at their limit. They can mean the scene needs to end completely because the sub can't take it anymore at all. But they don't have to mean that. Safewords should be used to pause or stop the scene and break character for any reason. You can also use your safeword to pause and discuss a limit, communicate that something is or isn't working for you, ensure that everything is going to plan, take a water break, go get a toy from the other room, check with your partner about something, pause to change your laundry, or do absolutely anything else out of character related to your scene.

This is why a lot of people use green/yellow/red.

Green - continue

Yellow - pause and make a change (this can be anything from "slow down a little bit" to "I need something different but want to keep going")

Red - I need this situation to be over and for us to get right into aftercare.

What a lot of people seem to miss is that in this framework yellow is also a safeword.

All of this is ignoring the additional dimension that Dominants also need to safeword!! It's completely normal and if you're doing a lot of BDSM it should happen in your daily kink life often. Real life is not a romance novel.

If you feel like you, a partner or sex need to be flawless in every way, it's wise to really think about and evaluate those feelings. Most of what they're probably telling you is that there's a security or comfort in yourself, a partner, a relationship or sex and sexuality as a whole that you just don't have yet and need more time to build."

“You can’t compare sex work to other types of work because having sex you’re not enthusiastic about is really traumatizing”

I’m sure for a lot of people that’s true but for me sex and masturbation occupy a similar emotional space to brushing my teeth or doing the dishes and I certainly don’t feel traumatized about it and I know for a fact that I’m not the only person who feels this way.

Also I think that someone physically and violently forcing me to brush my teeth might end up being traumatizing.

Sex is so taboo and mythologized that people have forgotten the mechanics of it.

Yeah sex might be sacred and important to you. To me it’s a chore I’ve gotta do sometimes. Like cooking. I love cooking and put great importance on it and who I do it with. A lot of people just cook to live though.