Claireblue the one and only.

So Netflix released the trailer to their Willy Wonka competition series and there are no golden tickets with what I am about to say about this ABOMINATION!

I would like to start this off with stating that I am a big fan of Roald Dahl’s works while not condoning some of the things he said that have caused controversy in recent years. I have a lot of his children’s books if not all of them and I have collected a few ghost written ones (but none of those ghost written books that tweak the story like that one they did of The Twits. I have seen a lot of the adaptions of his books in some form or another (I was a kid in the 2000s so some of these viewings came from “The High Sea”) and I even have a good bit of the merchandise Roald’s estate has put out. My parents even treated me to a chocolatier workshop at a chocolate factory for my 15th birthday 10 years ago this coming August and they even gave out golden tickets as souvenirs. I was in my element a few months ago when Taika Waititi and Kit Connor were announced to be starring in an upcoming film inspired by Charlie and the Chocolate Factory that will see Willy Wonka return to the public eye after turning a kid (50/50 chance it’s Violet Beauregard like in the book) because people kept wondering why the sequel story to Chocolate Factory, Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator is being ignored. I told The App Formerly Known As Twitter that its because of how Roald Dahl hated the Gene Wilder adaption SO MUCH that made a vow and wrote in his will that no one is allowed to adapt it. Oddly enough, there was an audio book disk or 2 put out by Roald Dahl’s estate that had the narration cut out in favour of just the dialogue and special effects so it was like an audio play rather than a traditional audio book. I also dislike the fact that in 2023, there were sanitised versions of the stories put out for “modern audiences” when a simple product of their time disclaimer on the original versions would’ve been a lot better instead. Yes, Roald Dahl wasn’t the nicest person to be around but for Pete’s sakes, it was unnecessary to pull that stunt when David Walliams’ books don’t have sanitised versions of the stories (even if one tale from the first World’s Worst Childrens book was removed over racist stereotypes) or even product of their time disclaimers in them. I have read and listened to some of his books and there barely any kind of Dahl-like essence to them despite the “New Roald Dahl” praises he got when HarperCollins allowed him to roam free until late last year when he was booted by them. They just seem to be bland with very few tolerable parts.

One of the biggest complaints in regard to this competition is that Netflix decided to waste precious drinking water and hike up electricity bills in the name of recreating the late Gene Wilder’s voice for the show. It is flipping ghoulish of them and I wouldn’t be surprised if it turns out to be something the executives at Netflix came up with and deemed “more appropriate” than perhaps using a voice actor to do an impression of Gene Wilder instead. With Ford re-hiring engineers after their big AI switch ended up being a bust and SORA AI video creator having been shut down earlier this year, this choice is now coming off as late to the party. I get that this was done while AI was still at its unfortunate peak but regardless when this idea was chosen and enacted, it is still flipping ghoulish. I don’t think Gene Wilder’s estate would approve of this, especially since his nephew and his long since estranged adopted daughter now have to hear that soulless AI creation of their loved one’s voice whenever Netlfix advertises this CASH GRAB! Yes, that’s what this is. A hot steaming cash grab that aims to distort the original story for profit gain and rage-baiting Gene Wilder’s estate. Hope that lawsuit from Gene Wilder’s estate ends up being worth it, Netflix.

Like I have said at the end of the aforementioned paragraph, I see this as nothing more than a big “let’s distort the original book’s meaning in the name of a profit” cash grab. I am not the only one to say this but there was a reason why Charlie Bucket won instead of the other four kids Willy Wonka invited to the factory and it’s one that some senseless Netflix executive has decided to ignore just so they can have a new yacht that an orca will surely wreck. The whole point to Charlie Bucket winning the factory was that he wasn’t greedy, he didn’t parade his own talents as the reason why he should do or should have something in his possession, he observed what should be left alone from afar (squirrels in the book and the 2005 film adaption/ geese in the 1971 film adaption) and he wasn’t lazy and snobbish when it came to Wonka-Vision. He was exhibiting the Seven Heavenly Virtues (even if Roald didn’t explicitly state that as his views on religion did change with tragedies in the Dahl family) while the four other kids were showing off how irresponsible they would be to run a chocolate factory. I can’t see any of the competition’s “winners” being as humble and down to earth as Charlie Bucket on a natural and genuine level. All I can see from the trailer is a free-for-all waiting to happen in an episode of the show with barely any kind of way of censoring the WORST PARTS OF IT! This will get messy and even though Saturday Night Live has already parodied Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with their Monty McTreats & The Pastry Bakery sketch (you probably saw the Dough-Dee Dees who were surrendering in some of the most black comedy ways possible via TikTok and Instagram with barely any context) but I this cash-grab is just ASKING for it to be parodied by them. The musical has handled the story and its message better than this even with some departures from the original source material.

The only good thing that this is that the sets look SO GOOD! Like, can these be reused after the cash grab gets cancelled by Roald Dahl’s estate for an officially licensed Charlie and the Chocolate Factory immersive experience (even if the egg room gets swapped out for a nut room of some sort to be book accurate with fake nuts to avoid any allergic reactions)? I have been hoping for one after the Glasgow Willy Wonka scamvention from 2024 which was the talk of the family table at my dad and his nephew (who is also my godfather)’s joint-birthday party (they were born on the same day 34 years apart).

The show comes out in the Autumn/ Fall so I will probably end up updating this as more clips show up.