“Hey, wanna see a Pixie Frog?” I ask
“Sure,” you say, holding out your hands
I plop this into your arms.
“hold him like a baby, he’s heavy” I instruct you
“what,” you mutter “the fuck.”
congratulations, you have been forcibly introduced to the African Bullfrog, also
known in pet-owner circles as the Pixie Frog.
look at his little hands!
while they are indeed adorable, the nickname actually derives from the scientific name of the species (pyxicephalus adspersus), and not any positive qualities they possess.
hoo boy they don’t have many of those, lemme tell you
found throughout much of sub-Saharan Africa, the Pixie Frog lives in wet areas where they eat pretty much anything they can fit into those ginormous mouths. (this includes fish, other frogs, bugs, snakes, lizards, other frogs, rodents, unattentive birds, other frogs, and probably you too if you hold still long enough)
this is a creature born with neither fear nor conscience
and it’s no idle threat either, because Pixie Frogs can grow to 10 inches long, which is well within ‘unreasonably huge’ for an amphibian. also, unlike most frogs, Pixie Frogs have fucking teeth
ALL THE BETTER TO EAT YOU WITH, MY DEARRRRR
in spite of all of this, Pixie Frogs remain popular pet animals, possibly because they will allow you to pick them up and carry them around like a newborn.
she has four of them and they’re named after her grandchildren
just, you know, make sure you count your fingers after you hold one.
dededos
areudirty
vaporwave
turnnoffyourmind
titsay
jacobvanloon
