Do you ever feel lonely? So lonely that you feel like your heart is going to give up in you. You, you don't quite know how to fill in the gaps in you but you still try. You try to hold on to your heart or to what's left of it. You know you could reach out to someone. One might even tell you that you'll get better and that they love you; but how do you? How do you reach out to that person, each time you feel lonely? Because it doesn't get any better than that.
Sometimes I say subtly that I need help. That I need people around me. Sometimes, that being alone feels like I'm being sucked into a black hole in my own heart. Do you think people notice that? Do you think sometimes they overlook that? Honestly, I'm guilty of overlooking cries of help too. I think that's okay. After all, nobody owes anyone comfort. Yet, I want people to be around. Quite selfish of me, I know.
I'm rain, I'm rain, I'm rain. I'm rain that'll wash away your tears and your blood alike, if you want me to. I'm also rain that brings chaos. I'm rain. I'm in love with the rain. I stay distracted on most days. Head over the clouds kind of distracted, in a good way. I play songs on repeat and argue with myself on what new movie to watch and end up scrolling YouTube instead. I create scenarios in my mind where I'd have people, someone or the other next to me always. Scenarios where I don't have to stare at phone screens. Escapism is tiring.
What do I have to look forward to? I don't know. What would it feel like, to be an actual raindrop? I think raindrops are caught in a loop too, just like me and you. If you are reading this, I hope you are okay. I miss you.
