Local Cryptid

is that your penis in your hand or is it my penis. you and i have begun to blur

@daysleftofsecondterm

*checks calendar* hmmm today is Roleplay As a Horse Day

i kiss you on the mouth and end my turn

girl put that snout AWAY it is not sniffing time right now

and thats what i would say if there could ever be a reason to put your snout away. its always sniffing time. i love you.

god remember when there were no ads AND you could post dick on here. take me back i'll be grateful this time

is this talking about tumblr or the internet in general

allrecipes.com

my mind hand touched a hot memory stove

I like to fuck around and waste time for at least ~6-10 hours per day, and let me tell you, that really puts some pressure on your schedule. you have no idea how busy I am

I bought a timer lock box for my weed pen. I will be high in 7 days and 1 minute

Okay, I am really obsessed with this joke. I literally reblog it every time I see it.